"ADE'S JOURNAL", 81

  Hope is me believing for the first time in a long time, that the time is now. I'm so relaxed about it and feeling really calm, I've fought a cold, heat rash and desperate friends and my vision has been blurred and tainted. No more can the voices outside my head confuse me, I know what I want. And I also acknowledge that my genuine friends mean well or at least I believe they do. Celine is team 'Alan' and she is so sure I would want to relocate to France, marry Alan and be related to her. Ajoke is team 'Daniel', she wants our husbands to be best friends and share the same investments and just be like sisters.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 80

  Twilight shines and reflects my mood and so much is left for me to do, as I stare into the abyss I try to write my new year goals. A tradition I have done for many, many years. This year, I just did not do this. It is not too late I hope, as I stare now at the blank piece of paper beside me. Why you may ask? It's simple, I've started school again and this time it's business school. My time has been taken up by projects and deadlines, but it's time. I hold and slant the pen and stare at the white piece of paper and exhale hard.
My goals are clear this two thousand and nineteen and as the ball point hits the sheet of paper, the strong smell of ink hits the dusty air. It has been so hot and sunny during the day and cool and cold at night. The contradiction isn't good for my chest but I digress a bit. I start and did not stop until I was twenty goals deep and writing the goals free my mind and I slide into an unexpected slumber.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 79

  The fine dust particles float and then land all around, the temperature drops and the wind stands still. It only means one thing, it's almost Christmas. And I am excited, I can't wait to get the grill going and to start to see the jollof rice sticking together to make a delicious meal. The cake would be soft and fluffy and as I slice into it, the joy it radiates just makes me whole again.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 78

  Hope comes to those who wait, those who want it badly enough. And everything I have hoped for has come all at once and my migraines is proof of that, my throbbing head sends me swaying. Not sparsely but like a heart beat, consistently pounding my skull. I’m back to school, I’ve writing again for profit and have five deadlines to create contents and design outfits all at once. Is this ironic, I think so. I’ve and lamenting and moaning for almost a month and then just like that. It’s all happening at once. I am rebranding and restructuring and searching for the best new website manager that offers additional services, like what? My reflection asks and I stare at it wondering and trying to understand why my reflection is talking. The sound of a 737 flying over my bedroom wakes me up.

 A new horizon spans across, where the ocean meets the sky. I sigh and then taste the salty cool air moist and rich, almost like the taste of a precious memory. That memory of a fearless child, licking the moist content of the Atlantic ocean from the back of an empty sea shell. The shell I picked on the shores of the rich bar beach, one of the many natural gifts of my native land. I want to stay here forever and live by the seashore and I don’t mind the tide coming in. My dad decides to keep us here a little longer, so I can witness the rage from a fierce sea. It starts slowly then begins to thrash at the ten foot wall of sand bed, slowly we all retreat and watch from a safe distance as the sea reclaims a vast expanse of seashore. I don’t remember been scared but I wanted to run and pull my siblings and parents far away from the violence erupting from a former calm sea. Even from afar the waves stretched and reached us and started to claim the road beside the sea. My dad and mum grab us all and we run into our car and drive off. I was screaming and crying and begging my dad to drive faster, the engineer in him explained to me why the car has to be slow in flooded water. I refuse to accept his explanation, so he points at the car in front speeding away and then it stops. It had water in its engine so had to wait until it was all dry. I wanted us to stop and save him but the surge of water that rammed our car made me manually lock the door. My mum was trying not to laugh at me or trying to hide her fear, I couldn’t tell the difference. All I know is that the rush of adrenaline made me forever in awe and at the same time afraid of the sea. I feel the waves touch my feet and stare at the water in the car and then I wake up.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 76

  The sky is growling and I look up and see nothing, the temperature drops and carries with it a lot of fine particles. It’s mimicking rain, minus the rain clouds and a kind of darkness engulfs the entire atmosphere. I empty my dust pan in my hand filled with grains of sand and fabric particles, the life of a fashion designer. The morning ritual has started and as I stretch and stare again at the placid sky, I know its time to go back inside.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 75

  Midnight creeps in too slowly and the middle of underneath my feet bite at me, not from outside but within. This happens when the temperature drops and I check and find out it is twenty four degrees and windy. I try to wiggle my toes and catch the edge of the duvet, so I can bend my knees. That will bring the duvet to beside my chest. Then I can toss the covers over me and try to bring my core temperature up.
 A horrifying thing happened, nothing.
  Where Are All My Toes, the thought left me frozen for a while. Finally, I decide to lift my frozen chest from the cold bed, it's difficult and so I use my arms to push myself up. My bones ache and still I did feel any toes and then I see him holding all ten of them. That startled me but what scared me the most is that they were still wiggling...