"ADE'S JOURNAL", 1

  In a fluter of joy and a compilation of moments I build day in day out. I celebrate today as a day of revelation, a day I will forever cherish. It's cool the sun is peeping through large bulbs of ice cream clouds and the airplane flying across the bright blue sky has formed a massive pass mark on my life. It's an amazing feeling to pen this down and much more fun to know that I have actively made my choice. Not once or twice but for the fourth year, so you know... Today is the beginning of year four, since I decided to write and fill in Ade's Journal. My journey from brainwashed expectations  of my life to my harsh shocking lessons, loss and gains are truly a monumental reality.
Hope lifts me up Everytime I crash and vigor propels me forward whenever I am in doubt. Best of all, my visual brain and manner of processing my unique situations appear like movies to me, when I re-live them. So I have acted out drama's, horrific thrillers with stalkers and tragic losses have crippled me. But it's not the end of my story... I have found Dana Cody and loved how she is real and fights and creates and forges ahead. In every story is the journey of a struggle, triumph and the continuous battle to empower others as we climb up these many ladders of success. Today is not different....

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 85

  My Visions Dissipates Into Reality, as I fight to wake up. My childhood friend shows my teenage self, a scar and tells me to touch it. It looks fresh and a part of me tells me not to touch anything, anyone. Or I will forever be lost in this dream world and definitely meet my end. The grim reality of the situation makes my friend desperate and she grabs my arm. It's not her anymore, but a young man I crushed on as a teenager. His beautiful smile showing off perfect dentition made me feel all warm and fuzzy. He is the one I wished I walked up to and embarrassed myself by confessing my crush and asking him how his uniform stayed uncreased even at the end of the day. His dark even skin and deep brown eyes made me relax my arms and stretch. But even now, decades later.... I knew that, that was not me.
I treasure my personal space and looked in your eyes and at your response before I encroach the precious three feet circumference around you. He didn't and his arms expose hidden exoskeletons that move an inch towards me. His teeth seem to grow and canines start to look like fangs and as he tried to hug me, I flinch and jump backwards. And my bronze shield appears and merges with me and becomes me, we are one and we defend all I stand for and as my posture becomes erect and upright....

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 84

  Don't stop believing because you didn't get it, just keep trying until you achieve it. Trying on your own is like jumping into the lagoon and trying to learn how to swim, no lessons or instructor in sight. Just false hopes of grandeur as untrained limbs give up and the surface slips further and further away. That is gambling now, let's try something else. This time, you exercise and build your muscles. Read up on swimmers diet and change yours and get an Olympic medalist as an instructor for a year. And every month you swim in the lagoon and increase your distance for another full year.
What happens now, when you go into the lagoon to race, do you have a chance?
Whatever you believe in, works. Only if you put in the time and effort with successful trainers in that field. So why don't we?

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 83

  Ask Me More Questions now and dive deep into my mind, don't sugarcoat it or leave anything behind. Spray me with bright colours, I will wear to shield me from the elements claws. No need for suspense, splashed pink top wide brim beach hats and firm green flip flops as evidence. Just sweet talk me and swirl me like sweet wine, until I know for sure you are mine. I waited long for your aura and fabulous lush, swim along side you as we touch. The water is murky like my favourite clutch and as the crystals reflect, the waves climb high and it's too much. Maybe I should stop waiting for your maybes and stick to what is real like my perky twin babies. They've only being mine for almost two decades, and have gone through it all with me from my teenage years up until now. No sign they will ever be plucked like my teenage self feared, a sign that I've grown up somehow with a little luck. I miss the feeling I can do it all, maybe it's you and not me no not at all.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 82

  My heart is racing as I swim towards the shore, my scales constrict closer to my cold body that floats and absorbs the sun rays. It seems a little far off, but in no time now all will be all mine. The distraction is intense and the smell of freshness lures me away from the shore back to sea. It floats behind me and is massive and bright blue and I can see it's pregnant and about to release the millions of eggs to sea. I divert my tail back towards it and move my massive deep green frame towards it. I leap hard and fast and tasted something familiar.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 81

  Hope is me believing for the first time in a long time, that the time is now. I'm so relaxed about it and feeling really calm, I've fought a cold, heat rash and desperate friends and my vision has been blurred and tainted. No more can the voices outside my head confuse me, I know what I want. And I also acknowledge that my genuine friends mean well or at least I believe they do. Celine is team 'Alan' and she is so sure I would want to relocate to France, marry Alan and be related to her. Ajoke is team 'Daniel', she wants our husbands to be best friends and share the same investments and just be like sisters.

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 80

  Twilight shines and reflects my mood and so much is left for me to do, as I stare into the abyss I try to write my new year goals. A tradition I have done for many, many years. This year, I just did not do this. It is not too late I hope, as I stare now at the blank piece of paper beside me. Why you may ask? It's simple, I've started school again and this time it's business school. My time has been taken up by projects and deadlines, but it's time. I hold and slant the pen and stare at the white piece of paper and exhale hard.
My goals are clear this two thousand and nineteen and as the ball point hits the sheet of paper, the strong smell of ink hits the dusty air. It has been so hot and sunny during the day and cool and cold at night. The contradiction isn't good for my chest but I digress a bit. I start and did not stop until I was twenty goals deep and writing the goals free my mind and I slide into an unexpected slumber.