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About Me

My photo

 My story may shock you, but then again your situation may be worse. Delve in and find out....
The best moments are the ones when, that affect people positively and inspire them to laugh and live. 
             But is this, the entire story?
 The Human experience is Unique and every person has something to give, you just need to see it from my perspective and I craft words, actions and events from this very human angle.

Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Saturday, 1 April 2017

This Python Dislocated, Stretched And Swallowed The Lies


"ADE'S JOURNAL", 14

   Holes dug in the earth to spring forth life, that is the fate of this cold blooded reptile. The eggs sprout out of its ends and the open jaws, shift and shut and salivate. The saturated hunger, drives it to pull at its serrated bones and the dry stomach walls, that last felt any food waits and releases bile to its pallet. Any food right now would help. The over grown reticulated Python, watched a fat Grasscutter, bum into its tail. But before it could react, the creature ran for its dear life. Hope was lost and the eggs that dropped in the burrow, seemed to be the last generation. Exhausted, the large reticle watched a curious lizard, nod and agree with its fate. How many lizards, would fill up this stomach soaked in bile? The noisy footsteps approaching, gave the snake hope. This was the weight of ten Grasscutters. The meal would feed the cold blooded creature for another full year. The unsuspecting farmer, carried a bundle of freshly havested palm nuts in the blazing sun, and removed the sweat soaked shirt on his back. The shoes on his feet, dragged on and he stopped, right in front of the snake and decided to take them off. The last of the reptiles eggs was long buried and it's slant eyes watched this easy meal bend and remove it's shoes, awkwardly. The taste of the bike woke the sleepy creature and it knew, that it was now or never. It launched and grabbed the succulent man, by his fleashy butt. Sinking deep it's jaws and surprised itself by the speed at which it's body quickly wrapped around its prey. The man bit at it and scratched and the sharp end of the knife he use d to tap rubber, sunk deep into the snake. The pain engulfed the reptile and it squeezed harder, breaking bones and squashing organs, until the lungs and heart, constricted into one big mess and all life seized. This Python Dislocated, Stretched And Swallowed The Lies of this promising meal, basking in the glory of an easy meal. It shut it's eyes and smiled at the taste of victory in its mouth. As the bittee bile taste had vanished and the full stomach massaged the earth. The ground, preparing for the hundred eggs that will become a hundred Pythons. The sleep was brief, as the sound of multiple Grasscutters approaching, made the reptile raise its head, there was no where to run with a full stomach. Maybe they would not come this way. The echoes of slippers found and a shirt, made the snake attempt to move. It was sorted and descended upon, from left to right, from in front and below, rocks and sharpened cutlasses, hit its head. It launched and bit the closest and watched the man point a cylinder at it. The spark and bullet, sent it's head fling and the cries that echoed. The sound that escaped as it's belly was sliced opened. Lingered on for all to hear, across continents and the universe above....

      Before now, I though drowning was the worst way to die, I take that back. Been bitten, strangled and having all your bones crushed and dislocated and then swallowed by a snake is horrible. I read the article and cried for the farmer. His family band friends did what they could but only a lot too late. Much like been in a disastrous relationship. If you leave, you can live to tell the story but if you don't, you'll just be a statist or a headliner. The image of him in black shorts and a vest and no shoes just gives me nightmares. His is a tragedy he could not have changed the outcome but you see this mad woman, that almost caused an accident eh, she will not get away with this.
   The stupid idiot of a girl, the selfish delusional money miss road... In fact, let me just gist you what happened.
 The ridiculous traffic this paranoid woman was infliction on Victoria Island express road was not funny oooo. And Frank used this opportunity to approach me. Do you remember who Frank is? My fake fiancé, I say fake because, although he gave me an engagement ring and made me buy aso ebi. He neglected to mention he was already married. He did not stop there ooo, he got my best friend pregnant and stalked me at work and my home. It was the grace of God and restraining orders that stopped him. And now that I have moved on, that I am married to a genuine friend. He pulls this stunt. Don't tell me he has nothing to do with this embarrassing scene on the streets of Lagos. This is totally his fault and I am not in the mood.
'Come out and face me, you think because you are pregnant, that I will not fight you?"
 Her high pitched voice and clapping and demonstrating to and for the crowd gathering, made me cover my face.
 My friends were not having any of it and Celine stepped out and asked in a stern voice.
'What is your problem?'
 The babe launched at Celine and Celine twisted and fussed her away from my side of the car window.
The flimsy woman fell backwards and launched at Celine.
'She hit me, arrest her, arrest all of them for assault'
 Frank holds her and she scratched and bit him. It was like watching a confusing Nollywood film. Why on earth would this woman attack or try to attack me.
'They told me about you, warned me about you. Don't think you can claim my Frank is the father of your child ooo'
 All the shame vanished and I stepped out of the car.
'Repeat that delusional statement', I urged and baited her to just try to say that rubbish.
Frank covered her mouth and she bit his fingers. Ajoke laughed and clapped both hands.
'Frank, just go and return this one from the Yaba-left you picked her up from'
   Ajoke said with a straight face, meaning every word she said.
'It is your family that lives in Yaba-left, your generations that patronize mental hospitals, that are all mad'
 She was screaming so much and was so agitated that she was shivering.
By the time, LASTMA officials approached us. The Lagos State Monitoring Vehicles on the roads that commit traffic offense.
'Madam, it's too hot to be under the sun. Please enter your car', an official offered.
 I did not argue, I got back into the car.
They made Frank's new fiancé, move her car and she actually tried to hit one of them. That was the end, they collected her car keys and booked her for traffic offence.
'Ade I'm so sorry. I didn't know she felt threatened by you'
'It's fine', I add not looking up.
'Leave my fiancé alone ooo', the agitated woman screamed.
'Frank Abeg, carry you and your wahala away', Celine snapped at him.
'Orisirisi', Ajoke adds watching Frank join the officials.
We watch them walk away and drive off.
'I heard, I knew he was dating a Senators daughter'
'How?', Ajoke asked.
'I ran into your former friend, KHA. She thought I knew and explained that for peace sake. She agreed to anul their wedding and for the care of her daughter'
'No wonder she has not called Ade to beg for money'
 Ajoke and Celine were laughing but I did not find any of it funny.
'What if she too becomes a stalker?', I asked afraid of my family's safety.
'Ade she probably was off her medication today'
'..... Or just an attention seeker'
'Celine, where you hear the gist?'
'The babe violent no be small oooo, she done get case wet them cover up well well'
'How do you know?', Ajoke didn't seem to believe her.
'She use hanger stab my friend, her senior for secondary school'
'It's a lie'
'The babe dey melt Biro cover on top Jnr when them dey sleep'
 It all sounds so ridiculously untrue to me.
'And they did not report her to the school authorities?', I had to ask.
'They did but she was the last born of her father's fifteen children in my boarding school. A stinkingly rich father and an aspiring powerful mother working with politicians. The teachers that dared disciplined her lost their jobs and we're blacklisted. She was my junior by far in the one year I schooled there. But we were smart enough to know she was untouchable'
'As a child maybe she could get away with it, but in this day of filming and uploading videos online.... She would definitely get her head screwed on back upright'
 Ajoke and Celine found my remarks funny, even though that was not my intention.
My home was our rendezvous point and like me, Henrik was not amused by Frank and his much more dramatic friend.
'There is life beyond these distractions and that's what Frank and his bagage were, distractions'
 There was a look on Henrik's face, pregnant with meaning. It made me ginger my friends to leave. By feigning fatigue and milking my pregnancy.

 Alone, I could not wait to find out what was going on.
'Sweetheart, what's up?'
'I need to go on a business trip'
 That did not surprise me, I suspect there is more.
'And...'
'It's back home'
'So?'
  The statement didn't make sense.
'As in America, Texas's
'And?'
'I need to file for you and...'
   All of it just made sense, I am not a citizen nor do I have resident permit. And filing the papers will take time. Also the new Trump rules also means, new Immigration rules. I maybe stock here for awhile.
'But, that's not a big deal'
'Your company is pulling me out of Nigeria and trying to set up a factory back home'
  I have never heard Henrik describe America as home. It made me feel distant and far away from him.
'What I am trying to say is that, we will file for you and I will be gone for awhile'
How long is awhile?'
'Three'
'Weeks?'
'Months'

 My heart broke at the revelation that he will not be with me as our baby grows inside me. I looked down at my two inch heels and felt my little toes tingling from the restriction of its movement.

'At least you will be back before our baby is Born?'
'I hope so'

 Now I'm not so sure what this all means but I do not like the uncertainty of it all.
What on earth am I supposed to say in this moment?

 I feel like I'm in a well prepared, well serve, hot pepper soup mess....






**Season 2, Episode 14**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 14, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**
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