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About Me

My photo

 My story may shock you, but then again your situation may be worse. Delve in and find out....
The best moments are the ones when, that affect people positively and inspire them to laugh and live. 
             But is this, the entire story?
 The Human experience is Unique and every person has something to give, you just need to see it from my perspective and I craft words, actions and events from this very human angle.

Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Friday, 29 December 2017

The Clown's Sweet Silence Is Revoked


"ADE'S JOURNAL", 92

    Pouring down the skies, skidding on your endless smiles that sway back and forth. Just like a giant life size boat on an endless path as it just continues to float. No matter the size of arrows shot at it it moves from left to right or north to south, depends on where you stand. Even then, the archery competition heats up and there is this need to duck. 
After all my bragging rights, I am a little scared one might finally hit me and then The Clown's Sweet Silence Is Revoked. He starts to get excited and raised one hand up like a terrible present wrapped in silver sheets. I cannot for the life of me 
Understand why he is celebrating as if one of his many shots hit me. And then I feel it, a pain from deep within my stomach as if there was a broken bone in there. The target has hit me and it hurts me a lot but I'm not screaming. I think I kind of am used to being hurt. Because I am not freaking out, instead I winced and oddly I am still rocking the boat. But then the bone in my leg gets pierced hard and I grab it with my bloody hand. Maybe it's the air but I feel a sharp pain and the tip of the arrow. It hit me and pushed at my liver and I have this strong urge to pull it out. I think it's a bad idea and leave it where it is. Now the rocking boat makes the pain worse and I have to get off it. The floor is moving and it's really odd. As in, beach sand moving like a flowing stream. Moving just like the video in the desert of quick sand flowing like a river. Only there's no visible water, just beautiful uneven pale brown and yellow sand. No care  in the world that it's now a game, that I am hurt and in pain. I have to get out somehow and i grab my dislocated arm and feel the empty ball and socket joint. The missing arm was about an inch below and all covered with my flesh. I didn't even notice I had dislocated my arm before now. Shaking I try to move and I am blinded by my own sweat and instinctively try to move my dislocated arm and I winced and grit my teeth. Yes I feel that pain, okay so what am I supposed to do?
I curve up and try to stop the bleeding and then start to loose consciousness, I have to leave this vulnerable boat. My arm has a mind of its own and tries to move back into place. That hurt and pulled at my liver, I growled long and hard and clenched my fist and feel a tough feathers start to sprout. It's not a sexy butterfly wing that crumbles like moth wings, no. It's the tough eagle wing span and muscles but the many layers of a prehistoric cockroach.
The wings flutters and floats and floats as it lands and settles and folds. Not haphazardly like one would expect, but in layers of succession and precision. Like any mishaps would crush it to bits as it lands on a clear window screen.
Its a lovely evening indeed and as I fly over the clown, it freezes and gets stuck.
And I fly over it all and land on solid ground. It's over, this nightmare that could make a beautiful scene...
  And then, just like that I wake up. Sweet sweet Friday was telling me softly.
'Don't just fly away', it was actually Hassan and in his squeaky cartoon voice.
  I was confused.
Ajoke grabbed her son as he squealed and protests and I snapped out of my very strange dream today. It was like falling hard and long off mount Everest but no solid ground in sight.
Make the Sun shine again, I caught myself saying and then I looked up and out at the bright sunny sky. Did I mention that I am staying with Ajoke into the new year?
Yes, I chose to because I didn't want Celine's memory of the month of December in 2017 cooked up with me. The grieving widow...
  I still cry myself to sleep but only when I am alone, because Hussaina caught me crying once and raised an alarm that I hurt myself. Her cute crying baby face made me feel guilty and I decided not to cry without locking my doors.
So i know I'll stay awake as long as I can, know I will always try to make a way.
So i can smile again, even as this sweet sweet Friday fades away.
'Come here and Make my day', Alan announced as his nieces run into his arms.
Celine is out with Pierre and Nnoye, the camera crew is with them and they really didn't want the girls on the show.
As far as Pierre was concerned, they were too into show but tone givens taste and the deal was if they turned sixteen. Maybe...
 Kids are terrible, the girls relayed the message different. To them he said my show would only last for eight years.
Pierre's only redemption wasting go on a lunch date with Nnoye and Idibia as they fly on over to Cross River state. They would be back on Sunday but that means Ajoke had a full house this holiday season.
She loved it and loved watching her twins chase Pierre's daughters.
Alan was watching me and I forced a smile, I think I was not breathing.
I was actually daydreaming and imagined my own twins in the mix.
'Is it okay?'
'Hhhmmmff?', I was not sure what Ajoke was asking.
'House filled with children...'
 I didn't let her finish, how could I?
'I miss them but I will have mine when I have mine'
  The awkward silence that ensued made me realize my answer was too vague and cryptic to clearly have any meaning.
'I mean, I miss them a lot and I can't stop crying... Even though I never got to hold them in my arms'
'Did you want that?'
'No, my mind is too crazy for that. I couldn't handle that...'
'I hear it's a thing'
'Its helps some mother's with the grief stage, I just smell Henrik's shirt and then hug him. And we all rock ourselves to sleep'
'You ever going to wash the shirt?'
  Ajoke was a mad girl, from all I said that's where her mind went. She was smiling and then got nervous.
'Is it too soon?'
'I have his spray...'
'I was wondering why you had on male fragrance...'
'Its Henrik's fragrance, you noticed?'
'Why do you think I wanted you here? It's because you started talking to him like he was still here'
 Ajoke was whispering as if she was afraid he would hear her.
'He doesn't mind', I add with a straight face.
You should have seen Ajoke's face, she was scared and confused.
I burst out laughing and hugged her.
'Henrik has no reason to haunt you, he liked you. Loved your crazy dressing'
'I don't dress crazy'
'I mean who wears heels at home and chases after their hyper kids'
'I almost wore flats, but it makes me lazy and I drag my feet when I don't
 I nudged her and say, 'we noticed'
Ajoke is nervous and looks around me.
'Is he here?'
 I shake my head and look down.
'Let us all go and hang more lights on the Christmas trees outside', Alan announced.
He got a huge cheer from the kids and I smile and followed them outside.
They are a joy to watch and I find myself watching Alan. He smiles at means I feel guilty because I liked that he was into me.
Oh God, please help me so I just stay calm and not judge my every thoughts.
Henrik placed his hand over my shoulder and pulls me closer. Ajoke shivered and turned to look at me.
'I feel him close too'
 We both hug and I wipe tears from my eyes as we watch the kids fight to get on Alan's shoulders, so they could hang on decorations.

  The new year is a day away and the harmattan dust in the air has given e Everyone I know a sore throat, cough or made them loose their voices. I just spend the morning wiping and cleaning dust off surfaces.
Smile, Even For A While, It will go a million mile I tell myself. Especially when I notice I am frowning.
I can't help but be flooded with memories, you me back to that time.
Never will I forget your Smile, your Sweet Sweet Smile. Stay for more than a while, I promise to be kind. Never to rewind the past, Sweet Sweet Divine.
Always you  make me shine, Never will I forget your Smile...
 I am enjoying one of my poems on my old blog from the first decade after the world's millennium. When I hear a car drive up and I look out of the windows.
Daniel raced out and ran to the back of the car and brought out his crying baby.
'Where is Ade?', he screamed.
 I walk up to him and I did not rush, I'm not sure I can handle anymore bad news. But I didn't want them banging on my doors.
'What wrong, where is Opeyemi?'
'Honestly and she won't drink the milk'
The baby was red from crying and tried to suckle when I carried her.
'Bring the milk and get Ajoke'
 I tried and the baby moved her mouth away and just hated it.
'Ssshhhh', I say rocking her.
 Ajoke and Alan run and join us as Ajoke quickly makes a fresh batch.
 I watch the baby reject another and refused to let anyone else carry her.
'She can smell your breast milk', Ajoke adds.
'Should I pump... Daniel do you mind?'
'You have been tested and I don't see why not', Daniel was thinking out loud.
'Pumping hurts, but I can get my kit. I think I have new breast pumps I didn't use'
 Ajoke runs into the house and Alan and Daniel stare at me. I rock her and then wait and wait and wait.
 Ajoke runs back out and shakes her head.
'I must have given it all out, especially since Bala said it was a sign we should have more kids'
'I don't even know if I still have any...', I say not sure what to do.
'Where is Opeyemi?', Ajoke asked.
'She has been battling depression and talking about just disappearing...'

 I sit and stare at this child sucking at my top and then I go into the house, I am not sure if this will work.
 Someone help me out here, should I do this? Breastfeed my late husband's best friends baby?







**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 2 Episode 92**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 92, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**
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