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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Friday, 26 February 2016

Just Watch Me Slay, Enemies In My Way


   Funny how something this light and powdery, can become a formidable force. A simple solution complicates and changes everything. As it encircles my two feet and mixes with water, it becomes molten cement. A slush of thick puddle that weighs me down. Heavy and clamped down, how I got here, plays and replays on my mind. I'm angry, sad, struggling to come to terms with this situation and that's exactly how I feel, because I can't move.
       I knew this day will come, prayed hard till again and again reality sunk in. Hoping that one day, just one day, I'm Whisked Away from the pain and torment of betrayal. I see my life like a heavy footprint, sunk in by a couple of beautiful rare elephants. One white and decorated like a bride beside her handsome bull. Casting shadows along the way on footprints that look like forged cement.. But time is a cruel Mistress and every secret deed erupts and is exposed one second at a time.
Na wa o, such is life.
  A few months has passed since my year without Frank began. Enough time it takes to enter this world of fright. For I knew this day would come where I'd have to face his wife, Lara again. Funny how tough I look at this moment. If you are not sure what is happening right now, let me update you.

 I lived in Abuja, fell in love with a Lagos boy, he proposed, met my parents and we spent and started to prepare for our wedding. I bought the ceremonial Aso Ebi for my friends and family. The tradition is to look uniform, so those interested buy the Aso Ebi, off me. Then Frank and i paid for rent in Asokoro. If you are familiar with Abuja, you'll know it's real estate, is pricy. He wanted us to be happy and suggests that , I should pay half. He knew  the truth that I could not afford it. But adds that I was a modern woman who wanted to keep my head high. And as a true believer, I should have faith and live where I wanted God Almighty to make me afford.
 I already knew I was modern and I believed God's promises but the expenses of my belief were killing me. Little did I know that was the least of my problem.
 My dear Frank claimed he had our honeymoon planned and was paying full price for that, showed me the booked tickets and hotel. Which by the way, he only booked and never paid. Kai baba God, eh. Oh what a silly little fool I was.

     A year in and living together felt wrong. Not because I didn't love him but because his excuses were beginning to get on my nerves. As in, made me as uncomfortable like wet pant. The most annoying of all his lame excuses, was that he could not get a transfer to Abuja. Na today? Me I be sharp babe. So I decided to solve the problem and applied for a transfer to Lagos. I didn't tell him o, I wanted it to be a surprise. Also, I could not afford to pay for another year in this over priced house with epileptic water supply. Besides, with the money I save, we could get our own property and build our dream home in Lagos. I was on track and just happy.
  Until she came along, my aproco family member; Aunt Ini called me and had a lot to say. She hammered it in, that a full year had passed and this wedding had not taken place. I was thinking it too but was angry because she brought it up. Na my Aunt chop liver for my family and she never liked Frank. So I did the right thing, defended my man.
 But that day doubt entered my mind and really, I wanted to know why my Frank kept pushing this wedding away.
 That day, I did not let him touch me. No more sinful sex until we make our vows in public. At first he didn't mind and just started going on and on about the rent been almost up and we should pay another two years. The joker was not at all serious and I made it crystal clear that I was doing no such thing. Frank looked at me and shook his head. He knew who had poisoned my mind and reassured me that my single Aunt  Ini who was in her 50's knew nothing about keeping a man. After all, hers only stayed for five years.
 The player was smart, lets give it to him, Frank attacked me with information I had fed him. Well, to be fair, the truth was that Aunt Ini's husband was abusive and disrespectful, he brought home his many girlfriends. But i was not going to bring this up, my Auntie had her twins and was content, without a man. I wasn't.
This babe put her foot down and told Frank that it was over. I was not going to provide my family gist anymore, remain a laughing stock.
  See you, you are thinking it, but i will say it. It matters what people say and think of you, especially your family members. If your 'yes' can't be 'yes', then how will you be taken seriously?
Anyho', I reassured Frank that, no cash of mine was going into this phantom wedding. And yes, Aunt Ini had given me this idea to get him to act. So, I waited, not sure if it would work and then it did. I screamed and hugged my fiancé. Frank actually picked a date and he alone paid for the wedding hall, we were back on track and I ordered and printed from London, the wedding invitation cards.

 And then, the Wednesday before the wedding. Frank's best friend Jimi called, he wanted me to meet up with my boo, in Area 16 garden for pepper soup. The request was strange, first and foremost Frank was in Lagos and secondly Jimi never liked me. I could tell. Little did I know that Jimi was the one genuine friend I had. It was at the garden, Slithering through the grass, that I saw her for the first time. Lara.
She looked all chunky and ponzy, her weave-on was cheap and old school and her top and jeans too tight. She had on cheap fake slippers but Frank's smile was real. I watched them for a while laugh and hold hands and then I stepped forward.
Frank recognized me and let go of Lara's hands and I just stood there.
  Lara looked at me from head to toe. My hair was shoulder length, freshly trimmed and bouncy, a luxurious full jet black freshly straightened, all natural black hair. I was in a Vera Weng multicolored sleeveless top and my custom made Aso Oke pants. My Michael Korrs bag had dropped to the ground but I didn't even know. I snapped out of it and searched for my bag and found it.
'Who is this thing?', I asked my fiancé.
Lara laughed and turned to Frank.
'Answer now', she snapped at him, she too seemed to be in shock.
Frank stood up and tried to pull me away.
'For your information, I am marrying Frank this weekend and if you think you have him, you are delusional..', I flashed my diamond engagement ring in her face.
  Frank was begging me and begging her at the same time. Lara stood up and raised her hand to slap me, I grabbed the hand and twisted it. Frank picked me and lifted me far away from her.
'Frank is this your Lagos, eh? How you want our relationship? Filled with lies and deceit...', I was screaming out loud
'I didn't mean to, let it get this far....', Frank apologized.
I chuckled, 'let it end this minute, I want her gone, far away from here...', I pointed at the pretender. She moved her flat palm rapidly over her mouth and made a musical reverberating sound.
'Wuquwukwu.... Husband snatcher...', Lara screamed from her corner.
'This your babe is delusional...', I laughed and looked at Frank's face.
'Lara... I mean Ade, she is not, that's my wife'
I heard it but did not believe my ears.
'Ki ni o so nisin? What did you just say?', I must have misheard.
'What I am saying is that, that is my wife'
I threw a punch that hit Frank in his left eye and she ran to protect him and I scratched her. I was yelling now, hysterical. People had to pull me away and I told complete strangers about this snake called Frank.

  Total decay engulfed my being, I was depressed and gained the most weight I have in my life. The job in Lagos came and the rent was due. I could stay in Abuja, defeated or I could put on my jogging shoes, lose all the weight and go to Lagos.
  Defeated, I chose to shake it all off and move. It was hard, half my new colleagues kept asking why I didn't change my name thinking I was married. The other half asked why I didn't suspect he was married. It was the grace of God that pulled me out of the worse period of my life and friends and family that eased my depts.

  So now you know the beginning, lets see how my dramatic relationship journey will end. Because right now, in this present situation, today, today, things are unfolding.

 Khadijatu my best friend, had just in this very second, revealed to me that she and Frank were lovers. And now that he had finally filed for a divorce, she was still in love with him. Wait now, e never finish o. She added that, I, should face Mr. H and hands off Frank.
 I was not surprised, just shocked she would want a traitor as a mate. But then again, my best friend was a traitor herself. The public fights and humiliations were piling up, I had to end this and walk away, gracefully.

So, this smoking hot babe stood up and grabbed.... You wont believe it, but i'm carrying my fierce, power booster bag, my Michael Korrs, the same one and only designer bag I have. I put it over my shoulders and swayed out of the ice cream palour. I knew eyes were on me, I'm fabulous like that.
  Outside the ice cream palour, at the parking lot. I spun the car keys around my finger singing. I was on a very elevating high when my eyes caught hers. Lara and a friend were scrutinizing my car. Just before they noticed I was there, Khadijatu joined me.

     Lara turned to me and clapped both hands as loud as she could. Then like a bad memory, moved her flat palm rapidly over her mouth.
'Wuquwukwu.... Husband snatcher... Look at her..', Lara announced and added.
'.... Just look at them, they won't look for their own man instead they go about destroying homes. Husband snatcher'

There was no where else to go, so I marched forward towards them. I had visions of her attacking and me designing her face with scratches from my car keys. I remembered my dreams of her sending assassin's to threaten me. I slowed down my steps frowned and unlocked my car. Lara saw the evil look in my eye, she knew I was ready to draw blood, so she stepped back. I entered the car and started the engine.

Her friend clapped her hands, 'shay oun wo ran ni? Don't let this Jezebel escape o'.
I stopped the car engine and stepped out of it.
'What is it? What is your problem? Frank is there laughing at all of us. You are here shouting. You...'
I said pointing into Lara's face, she slapped off my hands and Khadijatu ran between us.
'I don't know who this your friend is..', I washed her down with my hands.
'But if Frank is consistent, then he is sleeping with her'
Lara's friend danced around Lara and slammed my car. The security men came around and held her back.
Lara looked at me and at her friend as if she was cross checking her memories for clues.
'Calm down now. ', Lara screamed at her friend.
'He bought me the diamond engagement ring, flew with me, first class to come to Lagos to meet my parents, tried to spend this last Valentine with me. But I am not desperate, no oh. I have a man I love. Frank may be a memory I can't erase. But I can never forget how much he betrayed me, with my friends and in front of my family'.
I was looking at Khadijatu.
''Ade, I said I was sorry...'
Lara and her friend watched us and screamed.
'Chineke, wetin I dey hai...'
'Did Frank ever...', Lara asked her friend.
Snapping her own finger over her head, 'God forbid'.
  I laughed. Yes, you just watched me slay, Enemies my Way. Like they say in the spiro' world, bye, bye to ja ga ja ga. So I declared to my spectators.
'Don't trust anybody', I entered my car and drove off.

  I wiped tears away from my face, these tears were for the emotional battle I just won. Also it was for my friendship with Khadijatu, I knew it was over. I was about to keep driving when I thought I saw someone. She was crying and carrying a child. It looked like Nnoye, my roommate in the university for three years. The babe was tall and should have been a model but could never stand less clothes, she loved layers and layers. Regardless of the weather, its like she had a built in air conditioner unit in her bloodstream.
I parked in front of the barbing saloon and walked inside. Nnoye was massaging the little boys face but the child was not crying.
She turned to me and started crying and hugged me. Her son too hugged me and started running all around me.
'What's wrong? Is this your son?  Are you hurt?'
She wiped the tears off her face and stopped her son from running.
'Just look at what his father did?'
I scrutinized the child for bruises and she took my hands to his uneven afro.
'He cut my son's hair without consulting me'.
Are you thinking what i am thinking, yes o the babe don dey craze small, small.
'You say wetin?', maybe I did not hear her well.
'He cut Etim's hair, and I ran out of the house with him'.
'Why, what...', actually I did not know what to say or get what she was trying to say.
'Is that why you are crying?'
'He is soooo, cute with the hair and my husband has been threatening to cut it for months...'.
Now, don't judge me o, but isn't this a sign of something else? Like depression or something close or worse. I know I am not a doctor o, but too many people are getting depression.
The lone woman cutting hair tapped me and pointed at my friend and everyone started laughing.
'Its not funny', she grumbled like a spoilt child. I joined in and laughed so hard that I cried. We all watched Nnoye wince, every time the barber shaved his hair.
'Ah, ah, not so low now', Nnoye screamed at the barber. I shook my head and twisted my mouth.


  We chatted and caught up, my friend too had given up on men and had this fine man she liked and before she knew it. She was pregnant and they married. She didn't feel guilt, shame or anything, they loved each other. That's all.
She searched my hand for a ring and apologized for not making my wedding.
I laughed and updated her about everything. She told me her life was a real bed of roses, thorns and all. Her mother in-law dislikes her and her father manages her husband. But her husband is like her, they take life easy, no stress.
She just moved to Lagos from Akwa Ibom, she misses the quiet life. She wanted us to go and get ice cream and I reminded her Lara and company were there.
'I know a coded ice cream joint behind Law School, come lets go'
Etim stretched and I carried him, he was such a handsome little munchkin. All the tension in my bones left me and my phone rang.
     It was Mr. H, he just had a talk with his friend Bala. I was laughing so hard remembering how Khadijatu harassed Bala, and Mr. H got worried. I apologized and said he should meet me at a new ice cream joint.
''Ade there is nothing funny about this situation, Bala wants to sue...'.
That made me laugh harder, like a market woman on steroids. Nnoye had to tap me to stop my crazy laugh.
'Etim is sleeping'.
That would stop any craziness from my side.
'Oh sorry dear, its my friend Nnonye, her son Etim is sleeping off. You should see him, he's so cute'.
''Ade, please listen to me'.
Gosh, Mr. H could really be a buzz kill at times.
''Ade, we are currently at the police station...'
'Eh Hehn...', this story I must hear the end. Realizing I sounded a bit insensitive I asked.
'Doing what? Hope there is no problem...'
Then I realized he could have been hurt or something.
'Sweety are you hurt, are you alright?', I became worried.
'Your friend threatened Bala...'.
'For why now?'.
I think my pigeon English confused Mr. H because he was silent. So let me ask in the English he would understand.
'What exactly did Khadijatu do?'
'You need to come to the Island, I have tried to quell the situation but...'.
What has my friend done, this time? Why didn't she take her own wise advice and stick to one man? The one punishment she truly deserves. But she has not really been herself lately. And lord knows how far her stalking Bala got? Thank God I didn't let her use my phone... Wait o, I hope she didn't go full on psycho like those girls on Investigation Discovery channel? Now, I panic...
'I'm on my way...', I thought of many things Khadijatu could have done. Thought of better ways I could have ended our friendship and just could not imagine the poor girl getting a criminal record with her horrid cash problems.

   That is how my Lamentations started, Nnoye tried and failed to calm me down.
'I don't know this your friend but she's one hundred percent toxic. Abeg, leaf her there to rot jare'. Nnoye was right but it may not be the right decision for now.

'Which kind wahala be this? Am I supposed to bail out my Judas ex best friend?'
'Ade you are too soft for this our harsh world. Walahi, you wont survive one weekend with my mother in law'.
It was supposed to cheer me up, but it didnt work.
'Which day will I truly be able to get rid of her and Frank? And if I leave her there, in police custody now, how will Mr. H see me?'.
Nnoye carried Etim with experience and he continued to sleep like a baby.
'Its true o, just drive carefully o...'.
'Its not far...', I hugged her and grabbed my bag and car keys.

  Kai life is truly unfair, and let me just tell you, no warn you now. If you have a friend you are managing, get rid of them now, now o. Quick, before it is too late, only God knows what I am going to meet at the police station.....

**Season 1, Episode 9**
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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

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