Like a Tadpole Trapped In Your Sweet Nectar

"ADE'S JOURNAL" 16

     Have you ever wondered, where it all went? Innocence draped in fine silk, covered by teenage dreams of a life you can't wait to live. Ah, how it shivers, like waves cloaked in snow white foam. Sliced by heavy salt chunks, melting into the great Atlantic sea. Only for me to wake up and see, you are all an illusion worse than a dream. Oh sweet bone of my bone, how could you so easily cajole me, to this point of no return?

   
   I can't explain it, but it seems you are addictive, deceitful and poisonous at the same time. You constantly press delete on all the sweet memories of new love that part my lips into a smile. You plague me with hurtful dreams, with a dangerous obsession that just lifts the veil of my eyes. This isn't love it's about possession, you want to own me; you horrible ruthless swine. It's clear now. I've cut it all; no more will I be a statue, posed, frozen in a lost time, in a false sense of truth, radiating to the world a fake love mismatched.

           It is a strange fate, a scary place to be, between two men that fill me with an epic love and constant war of my tender heart. Now, I know why history lies, and place the blame on women. The answer is simple, love fuels a war that spans decades of hate and explodes into senseless actions. For me, it ais because, even though I hate Frank, I love Mr. H too much to want him in this situation. So I do the unthinkable, stand in-between two angry men, knowing a stray jab will distort my beautiful face. I stand in between, because I want this memory to be sweet and not be one that ends us all in the police station. I stand here, naive, in between.
   Mr. H stops advancing and looks across the street and signals.
       I look in the same direction and spot heavy looking bouncers marching towards us, and raising dust as they do. They look like those scary SAS security trigger happy men and I had the sense to step back.
   Clueless Frank was about to touch Mr. H when he is lifted like a puppet on a string and he dangles akwardly and angrily in the air. Confused, Frank struggles and throws punches. These men take it, with faces that rugged, hard and damaged by old and new scars, it didn't move any of them. I watch as one man filmed the entire drama and the other man had Frank in a strange position. Frank was in a lock hold, the man had muscle and was bulky like a wrestler, maybe six feet seven inches tall. My dear Frank struggled until he was exhausted and then he stopped.
  I am tempted to whip out my smart phone and take pictures, I fight the horrible urge to document his humiliation.
  Abeg jare, let me enjoy this while I can.
As my phone camera shutters screech, Frank looks up at me and I drop both my hands. Shame catch me, no be small and as they escort him away from my compound. I had to ask myself this question.

   How did we go from making love to war, from best friends to arch enemies?

    In the look in his eyes, I knew it was forever over. I had dented his manhood and if ever I slipped, Like a Tadpole Trapped In Your Sweet Nectar, my dear Frank would crush and mulch me up and I would suffer. I shiver and step back.
'All because I love you', he said with hateful daggers thrown my way. The security men look at me and I say nothing and as they lift him to his feet, I watch.
'You never gave me a chance because I am poor....'
      See me see trouble o, how did trespassing and harassment turn to a rich versus poor man situation? Shock engulfs my entire being and I clap my hands and pout my upside down smile at him.
'Which kind yeye love is that one? What about your baby mama, your pikin?'
'You are getting razz each passing day, just listen to your pathetic self. Now you quit ypur job, want to be a house help to a rich man?'

  I open my mouth and then shut it, his spies obviously had some intelligence report on my life but not all the facts. Frank points and curves his little finger at me, and as he baits me he continued to speak.

'Let's bet, it won't last and when you come crawling back to me....'
He shoves me and because I did not expect it, I slip and stumble.

The punch landed before I could say 'okokomaiko', it was swift and as Mr. H's clenched fist rearranged Franks jaw. Frank yelled and threw his own punch and Mr. H blocked it. All these happened in under thirty seconds. And then, adrenaline glands take over and they start fighting or should I say Frank attempts to fight. The security men lift and hold Frank in the air and away from Mr. H.

'Why are you hiding behind your hired agbero's, face me and fight lkie a man'
    At this point, I was worried. Frank is more of a tout and Mr. H, well he is prim and proper and older. Yes, this babe is worried he will take up the challenge.
 Mr. H signaled to his men to let go of Frank and stay back, and then, he took a boxing stand. Frank attacked and takes one humiliating blow after another from Mr. H, his security men bump clenched fist a sign of approval and much respect for their boss. Renewed rage and frustration overtakes Frank and he dives and throws his weight on Mr. H. They role on the floor and continued to fight. All the property movers and cleaners had gathered and the Mallam across the street.
'Bros, stop this now', I shove the leader of the security men and they snap out of audience mode to protective mode and then seperate the men.
   Frank's bloody mouth and contoured face made him a little unrecognizable. He should try and explain this to Khadijatu, I ponder on the thoughts and chuckle.
    I rush into Mr. H and check him for bruises, he had a scratch on his forehead and I hugged and squeezed him tight.
'Get that lazy twat off this property and if he resists, bundle him and the restraining order to Alagbon Police station.
Frank shoves them and keeps on walking.
'Make sure you trace his steps', Mr. H whispered in their bosses ears and I become worried.
'What for?', I asked.
'He is a stubborn goat, and won't stop this obsession over you. So let's get ahead of this, know his movements and stop this harassment, once and for all'
'Let's just go inside and clean you up'
   I drag Mr. H into my empty house and find a first aid box. I wipe and clean his wound with alcohol and watch him.
'You fought for me'
'Yes, he laid a hand on you. That's unacceptable'
I was smiling and admiring my man.
'You are enjoying this'
'I didn't know you could fight'
'Boxing got me off the streets, but I never went pro. There was a time I felt it would make me rich, but back then I lacked the discipline to go professional'
'I keep forgetting you lived on the streets'
'To toughen myself up, I was too soft for my hard life and I wanted to get my family out of the rot they were stuck in'
'Are you alright?'
Mr. H pulls me to him and hugs me.
'Now, I am'
It was quiet for a while and then a knock on the door.
'Come in'
It was the moving team, they were ready to go. We had the rest of the day planned and for the first time, I and Mr. H were invited to a long overdue house warming dinner.

    It was like walking onto a movie scene, the gates were massive and beautiful carved, with twisted wrath iron bent and embossed into one giant lion head. As we drove through the gates I recognized the beautiful scent of the roses. My mother had the biggest flower garden for miles and she had green fingers. Everything grew and she alone cared and pampered them. The memory made me laugh.
'Share the joke', Mr. H nodged me softly.
'We had a rose garden as a child, red pink white and yellow...'. My cheeks hurt from smiling and I giggle.
'This, I must hear', he insisted.
'It won't be funny to you...'
'Try me'
'We had this neighbours and their goats, they kept eating my mum's flowers...'.
 I was laughing so much, I fell into his lap.
'... Well, she complained and her neighbour didn't care and so, she made a snare...'
Tears were streaming down my face now, 'I didn't know she could do that'.
  Mr. H looked confused, so I try to stop.
'I remember the poor goat crying and my mum threatening to whip us silly if we try to rescue it'.
'That is awful', the look on Mr. H's face made me laugh some more.
'The neighbor was rude to her when she tried to be diplomatic and well her trap and retaliation worked They never let the goat out or around our house again'.
'Remind me not to mess with your mum, ever'
I laugh and the look at Mr. H, his expression changed from warm to ice cold.

Na wa o, what did I do now?
'I hope that's because I am afraid to get on her bad side and not....'
He didn't have to say it, because I have laughed too many times at his suggestions. Mr. H wants to meet my parents but why? Why not until we are almost getting married. I don't want to take a guy home, I know I sound paranoid but until I am sure.... That is a no go area. There was an awkward silence in the car and I bit my clenched fist. And as the car parked and stopped in front of the glass house infused with concrete walls, I think. Here we go again.

     Ajoke didn't stay inside, she was in front of the mansion pacing in her stilettos and  yellow combat mini cat suit. One of the outfits Celine had made, Ajoke rushes to my side and hugs me.

'Are you alright? Is Mr. H hurt? Tell me yelss', my friend was panicking and her local dialect encircled her English.

'I am fine, Mr. H is fine, it's Frank you should pity, he got the beating of his life'.

Bala steps out of the house, he gave Mr. H a curious look.

'I told you Mr. H is fine. He's a boxer and in shape. Ajoke, you'll just raise your blood pressure up for no reason'

Ajoke rests her head on my shoulders and hugs me. I could have sworn she had been crying.

'I'm fine', I try to reassure my emotional friend.

   Mr. H slams shut the car door and we all watch him storm into the house.

'You argue over Frank?' Ajoke held my face in her hand and my mind wonders off to where my wipes are. I didn't like people invading my personal space and Ajoke loved to erase any form of distance.

   I was too sad to correct her English and was stuck  with my shoes sunk deep into a pile of qperfectly even white rounded edges pebbles.

'Are you afraid, Mr. H wont bite. Come jare, let's go in now', Ajoke pulls me and I follow her.

    Why should he be upset? After all, he has not taken me to meet up with any of his family members. Well, his cousin Celine gate crashed, that's how I met her, if not...

  Drinks were served by waiters in Adire fabrics and smartly sewn clothes.

'Bala, Ajoke, your home is lovely...'

'.... And massive, you two must sleep over', Ajoke adds and Mr. H excused himself.

Bala stands up and sits beside me.

''Ade, what happened?'

'Nothing'

'Mr. H is crazy about you and you keep pushing him away'

'The man threw punches for you, Ajoke screamed and feigned throwing punches in the air.

'I...', I wanted to explain but could not.

'What about Mr. H's parents?'

'Why don't you ask him?' Bala said and Ajoke sits on his lap. He lifts her up and drops her beside him and like a kitten she crawled and clung onto him.

'Abeg, dan Allah, let me talk to Ade'

'She talks to much, show Mr. H why he is yours and you are his'. Ajoke threw her arms around his neck, stretches one leg up as if she was going to dance and leaned so far backwards, Bala had to pull her up. She tickled him and he laughed and chuckled at the same time.

''Ade stand up and go and get him', Ajoke screamed as Bala took both her hands in one of his.

   I search for Mr. H and find him by the Rose garden. I hug him from behind and rest my head on the curve of his back.

'Hey, I'm sorry'

'What for?'

'For been secretive, for trying to shield my family from you'

'So you know'

 I walk forward, face him, exhale and smell the largest pink rose in the garden.

'You know, when I call my mum... The first thing she says is, igba wo ni maa gbe omo re?'

I yanked the Rose from the tree and did not even notice the thorn had pricked me.

'As if I deliberately don't want to settle down and start a family'

Mr. H stops me, takes my hand and sucks the blood sipping from my finger.

'Vampire', I did not know I said that out loud. There was a time I would have thought his move sexy, but now all that crossed my mind was AIDS and every type of blood transmitted diseases. I know, I get tested twice every year and he, once every year but this is ridiculous.

   I pull away my hands from his mouth, it tickled too.

'Don't do that..'

Mr. H bends a little and kisses me, it was intense and I kind of became embarrassed. I think I have an audience, I don't know but I am scared.

'Why are you afraid?'

'I don't know'

'Ask me'

   I watch him, unsure of what to say.

'Ask me and I would tell you everything'

I watch his deep brown eyes and my heart skips a bit. I have questions but I am afraid, I will have to answer mine when probed. So I bite my lips.

''Ade, ask me?'

'Why don't you talk about your parents?'

Mr. H smiles and side hugs me, I have asked the right question.

'Because they died in the most horrible manner... A shipment container fell on them'

'My God, I'm so sorry'

'Back then, no justice and no one was held responsible and we were all grieving. That's why, any accident or victim should not be silent or swept under the rug. Everyone must be held, must be accountable for their actions'

  I was sad beyond words and I just hug him.

'So, yes they too sounded like a broken record. Going on and on about kids and all. It's how some of our parents have been conditioned to think'

'You are right, so you're not mad'

'I just need to know that this is for real, that I am the guy you are not ashamed of'

'Of course not, it's just that I am afraid of them'

'Okay, I understand then. At your own time and pace'

'You know what, let's go together, this weekend to Aunt Funke's son's birthday'

'No, not that your Aunt'

'If we can survive her, then the rest of the family is moi moi, easy'

Mr. H was smiling now, he was happy that I was willing to take him home to my mummy. I always thought that feeling was reserved for us girls. Now I know better.

Bala joined us and Ajoke was strutting along side him, happily.

'Before the food gets cold, let us all go and eat'

'The lobsters are hot and fresh', Ajoke announced.

   We all go into the house and Bala fills us up with stories of Mr. H boxing match. All I was happy to hear and Ajoke actually laughed so loud, I covered my ears. True to God, I thought my eardrums would burst. I had a wonderful time and for a brief second, I thought of my family and shivered. 

  

   Call it reverse psychology or whatever but since Frank predicted that I will become a house wife. I have been scared straight and all my cards are out, literarily. I place the cards with my goals on the table in the spare room upstairs. I desperately need an accountant or a software that can sort this out. I do not need to go over budget or spend outside my stipulated budget plan. So I am cautious. It looks like after rent, hiring, equipment and taxes I barely have any money left. So much for excellent profit, rent in Lagos can crush any business, if you are not careful. I want recommendations for my receptionists slash personal assistant. Ten phone calls later and I am down to three names. I schedule a test and interview tomorrow and draft their one year contract with a six month review. I want a high energy, no excuses colleague. I reacquaint myself with past colleagues and send my company's introduction letter. Fifty emails later and I am sorted for today. Tomorrow's one hundred letter target will require me to buy data on my Internet wifi provider and my phone data is down to one hundred megabytes. I will need to upgrade it to four gig data plan. I weigh my options and opt for the roll over package, I can't afford to dash any network my remaining data. The electrician called, he will have to get more bulbs for the office and can only get the part in Oyingbo. I accept his suggestions and remind him he has to be through by tomorrow, latest. I am two days behind moving into my office already.

     My phone viberates and I look at it, Nnoye tried again and again to call me all morning. She wants us to meet up for lunch. I know what it means and I am not sure I want to. But then, before my office is ready, I need to go out, get phone credit and cash from the bank.

    Nnoye screeches when she spots me and she waves a letter.

'Hi dear'

'Hey, how are you and Etim?'

'Good, guess what?'

'What?'

'I'm Back in school'

'It's a lie'

'Yes o'

'Your husband paid?'

'No, his London wife' won't give him anymore money, I sold my jewelry'

'Good for you'

'I know, but I am fifty thousand Naira short...'

'Nnoye, please don't ask'

'What's it to you? Chicken change'

'I...'

'Please, it's a loan'

'Why do you think I still have any money? I've paid my rent and...'

'So you can't give me'

'I don't have any to give, I told you that I have not collected any money from any man. Yes we paid rent together and all, but never cash for me'

   Nnoye is upset and frowning. And yes o, I never learn. I cannot believe this is happening, again.

'Is this the only reason you called me for?'

'I can always make things to sell', she grumbled.

 See me see trouble o, what is my own in this matter?

'Please try to understand, I don't have a job and.....', I try to explain to my friend and she cut me off.

'....It's fine, let's just order'

     I feign a smile, I do not like to be arm wrestled into paying for things. I feel drained and unfairly targeted. Nnoye feels it too and there is an awkward silence. I didn't even finish my ice cream. I could not hide my disappointment. But then again, it was my fault for expecting a different result from the same friend.

'This is my one chance...', she continued to beg.

   My mind drifts and I think of the electrician coming to my office tomorrow. By the time I pay him, I will have sixty three thousand Naira left for the week. The three thousand is for the ice cream and twenty for the electrician. I still need to pay my car mechanic fifteen thousand for my fuel pump and electronic components that are not responding well. Then my weekend trip home, I need to buy petrol for the generator, at least for a week. Just to ease my parents stress and a little up keep money for my mum. That leaves me with ten thousand and I don't have toiletries for the month.

   So, if I give her ten, I am left with maybe five. I can't affIrd really afford this friendship but I should help.

'You are just been selfish...', she said the words and I freeze.

'Yes, you can help and choose not to. You have Mr. H, he's fast tracking your career and I have nothing, no one'

'And that is my fault right? I quit my good Abuja job to marry the man I love, settle for a job that pays a quarter and only because of the accommodation. I am constantly stalked by my former friends and the job I got can not sustain me for long. I am here, paying for ice cream I can do without and you bought four scoops knowing you are broke and I am selfish'

'I didn't mean it like that'

'You know what? Loose my number'

I March to the counter and pay, she apologized but there was no need. There was only one thing left to do, I need to change my phone number. 

Nnoye hugged me and won't let go, I am pissed and start to crack my head. Where was the nearest phone center, I would buy a new sim card and call all my clients with the new number. I cut the money in half and reassure my friend I am not mad.

Before nko, I had my end game on my mind. I give her five thousand Naira. She smiled and collects the money and counts it to be sure it's complete.

'Thank yo Ade'

'Nnoye, it's you now, why? No need to thank me'

I step into Mr. H's car and Nnoye enters the car.

'I'm going to meet a client at Ajah or are you heading that way?'

I blink and stare straight at her face, she shakes her head and steps out of the car. I wave goodbye and drive off.

 Nonsense and ingredients, can you beat that? I am cracking my own brain on how to stretch this money out and I am the selfish one. No be by force o, mo ti gba kamu.

I have decided to cut all friends off. They are nothing but a bunch of emotional and physical leeches.

   

   My new PA is great, she smiles for Africa and her Positive vibe is just Infectious. She has all her life planned but her relationship drama is putting her on the spot. I smile as she tells me about her interesting young boyfriend that wants to marry her by the end of the year and choose not to answer when she asked for my opinion. She will figure it out herself.

  Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and in a few minutes, we will all be face to face.

    I miss my mum and dad but not her siblings. My aunt and uncle were blunt to a fault and my cousins too felt they were old enough and bold enough to ask me anything. As Mr. H drives into Aunt Funke's noisy compound, I spot my mum and smile.

She frowns and folds her arms across her chest.

'Sho daa, is it fair? Okan lo lo lo lo.....'

I step out and hug her, ignoring all her complaints about my absence since Frank dumped me long before the altar. I keep hugging her until she starts laughing and hugs me. That's my mum, she no get craze. She loves me unconditionally and none of her other children can be as blunt as I am.

'Let me look at you', my mum says and she holds my face in her hands and smiles. I turn to Mr. H and stretch out my hand to him.

'Mummy, come and meet Mr. H...'

    Aunt Funke did not let me land, she screams  so loud that the dj had to stop the music.

'Eh, eh, eh, come and see o. It's Ade and she came with a man oooooo'.

She did not stop there, she broke into a bata dance, swaying her massive behind left and right. And then, she started to sing one of the most popular church song in Nigeria.

'Thank you Jesus, thank you my lord....'

    I wanted to enter the ground, all my uncle's and aunts ran out from inside the house. She turned to relatives I have not seen in years and announced.

'This time o, I hope this one stays'

  

    I tilt my head and slant my eyes, she is going to get a mouth full and.. 

Walahi talahi, I will be so rude to her, she will never forget this party.

**Season 1, Episode 16**