Crunchy Caterpillars Munch On My Pain, spreading lies about me until my leaves decay. Leaf by leaf; they reduce my life's work, only to make sure it benefits them all. As they attract all other creepy friends, and get full on tarnishing my image and get robust.
Transcending from a primitive crawling insect, and sprouting out wings. Flying high and watching, waiting for flowers to bloom. So they can poke and rip from it, my sweet syrupy nectar.
Wetin I go go now? Tell all my friends to sack everyone on team Frank? What of the ones i dont know? Frank is a slimy crawly insect, like that. He will always have spies around me. If I am going to hold my head up high, at the end of the day. My job is to be one step ahead, no several.
So, is it my fault? Should I take some of the blame? I am thinking about the answer. It's a lot you know, to just drop someone you have known for so long. But this has to stop, I have to take back control of my life and everything. Starting now.
The ride back home was the longest I have ever shared with Mr. H. He yanked at the steering wheel with rage and so much intensity, that I was worried.
'But.... I didn't mean for it to turn out this way'
'Go ahead, blame it on Frank. Blame everything on your exboyfriend'
'Fine, it's not his fault but mine. Let's just...'
'What? Go another day with his horrifying influence on you, on us?'
'That's not what I mean...'
'By all means clarify this situation for me'
I say nothing, I just stare at the open tarred road and then bite my fingers and chew on my hardened nails. I was not going to win this. Why was Mr. H picking on me like this?
'Why on earth would you let that selfish bastard, control you like this?'
'It ends today...'
'Why are you making this difficult?'
The question was a rhetorical one, I did not plan to speak it but it came out.
'Give me one last chance...'
'You know what? I think you need to spend a day with him, solve your unresolved issues...'
'I don't, I am sorry I made you feel less important...'
Somehow, I realized that was the problem. Before I moved into Mr. H's house, we had dates and spent happy alone time together. Now, it was.. Meet up with Bala, or get into a Frank situation. No date nights, no special moments. We had become like that ten year old married couple just existing.
How did I not notice this?
Mr. H parks the car and I step out of it. He didn't come out, he had this frustrated loom of despair on his face. I open his car door...
'I am not in the mood', he blocked his face as if expecting some personal display of affection.
'Who wants to even bribe you?'
I snapped at him and he opens his mouth to protest.
''Abeg, move jare'
He is in shock and I am not smiling.
'Move where?'
'For once, let me drive', it's not that he did not let me drive. It's that he preferred to drive me.
I drive straight to Federal Palace hotel and he watches me.
'I am not in the mood'
'What? You want us to go home and mope like old married couples?'
He didn't say anything, my point was crystal clear enough.
I ordered vodka and he sits up.
'You don't drink vodka'
'But you do'
He ordered Bailey's.
And we drink quietly, he seems a bit more relaxed.
'So, how is tonight going so far?'
'I'm still mad at you...'
'And I'm still mad at me', I add.
Mr. H rests his back on the couch and I rest mine. It feels like we have not done this in ages and I know he is slipping away from me.
'I'm sorry'
He drops the car keys on the table and exhaled hard. I realize in the moment, how much stress I have caused him.
'I'm sorry too'
'You expected tonight to go in a different direction....'
'Doors slamming and name calling'
'Let's not go home tonight'
Mr. H laughs.
'What's funny?'
'You called my house your home'
'Really?'
'Not somewhere you are squatting in, but your home'
I really am not the nicest person on earth. For every time, I described our living conditions to friends. I have always used the word squatter. Just to discourage my crazy old friends from visiting and getting too comfortable with coming around. I did not think of how it sounds to Mr. H.
'Because, my old friends will turn the house to a guest house and not respect our privacy'
Mr. H sipped his drink and says nothing.
'Why did you give me attitude...'
'See eh, I am not the only one with relationship drama o'
Mr. H folds his hand across his chest.
'Yes, the massage you encouraged me to take had surprise guests'
Mr. H waits for my answer and I sip on my Irish cream, it was really delicious. I was enjoying the suspense.
'Who?'
'Please, you know who. Tina'
'Tina?'
'Tina and Nnoye'
'Your Nnoye?'
'Yes, apparently you sent her one hundred and fifty thousand Naira'
'For her Brothers' upkeep'
'Nnoye didn't know that'
'She showed you the bank transfer....'
'Nnoye forwarded it to her phone'
'How do they even know each other?'
'Tina is in Nnoye's fashion school and paid her remaining school fees'
'So, my money is empowering others'
I burst out laughing and almost choke on my drink. Mr. H rescues my drink and then pat's the back of my chest.
'Small world right?'
I was still laughing.
'At least, I too have a crazy girl from my past'
I raise my glass.
'To our crazy past's, may they just be a faded memory'
Mr. H raised his glass and forced himself not to laugh. I tickle him under his armpits and he chuckled hard.
We both laugh and he too tickles me back, we were laughing and happy.
'So Gist me'
'What?'
'I know, something happens at the hospital'
'I dodged Frank'
Mr. H is in complete shock.
'You are lying'
'I swear to God who made me, Amaria was confused'
'Why?'
'I didn't want any drama, besides... Khadijatu asked me to advice her to remove her baby'
'Why, is it not Frank's?'
'It is o, she was on shock'
'Why?'
'Down syndrome'
'So?'
'I tire o, she should just stay five years without getting pregnant. Then she would appreciate been pregnant'
'Her freaking business'
'Exactly, I realized she wanted to put me in trouble. How do you ask someone to support aborting a child?'
'She feels close to you'
'Delusional, I told her to discus with her psuedo husband'
Mr. H laughs.
'Exactly, are you drunk?'
I pause for a moment and then shake my head. I raise the bottle and I have just a cup of Bailey's left.
'Not yet, when I reach the bottom of the bottle. Maybe'
'I saw Frank on my way out of the hospital, I thought you two talked'
'Emi ke, 'Abeg o. I like my sanity, I would not get between their drama. After all, I was not there when they made the baby'
'Technically, you were'
'You know what I mean'
We book a room and I literarily crashed on the bed. Usually, I can handle my alcohol. But, I do not remember finishing a bottle of Bailey's ever.
I woke up to the sound of Mr. H's voice.
'Come up, I will give you the keys'
I stretch and yawn out loud, it must be mid day or something.
'What time is it?'
'Seven, NNPC is selling fuel. The driver called and wants to fill up the car'
Just seven, the sun was bright and intense, I would have sworn it was noon.
'When will this fuel scarcity end?'
'When we decide to stage our own revolution'
'Me I can't fight o'
'We both know you can', he joins me on the bed and I hug him.
'Good morning my love'
'Good morning my precious love of my life'
We kiss and laugh.
'Why are you laughing?'
'Because you said I am a fighter, I can't fight Tina like you fought Frank o'
'You should never even consider it, she breaks a bottle on her own head before every fight. That's how she got so popular, she fights dirty and is ruthless'
'See now, your hit woman is after me'
'She can't touch you, she likes money more than she likes a fight. She desperately wants to change that image of herself'
'Like you changed yours'
'I had to fight to gain respect, never for showmanship'
I was silent.
,She would prefer to be photographed in a fashion magazine. You are fine'
'If you say so o'
At the check out counter, I spot Ajoke and tap her.
'Hey, I didn't know you were here, Mr. H is here too'
But as she turned and faced me, I realize it's a look alike a younger version of Ajoke.
An old graying actor walks forward and turns to her.
'Asabi, pay the man'
She reluctantly pays.
'I thought you said all the money is my own, we will go to ATM before I live o'
The man was embarrassed.
'Did I say I won't give you your money?'
He storms off and she runs after him, he heels were unsteady and worn out.
'She looks just like Ajoke'
'That's her sister'
'It's a lie'
'She's, how do you guys describe it?'
'A runs girl, hooks up with Aristo's for her upkeep'
I remember, Ajoke crying about her been initiated into some occult.
Ashabi returns to collect the receipt and I stare at her exposed arm and search for the initiation scars. I spot the three knife wound and she spots my eyes on them. Ashabi looks at me and Mr. H and gives me a thumb's up. I open my mouth to protest.
'She thinks I am your Aristo', Mr. H announced and gives me a side hug and a peck. The others checking out tap and point at me and I smile. Because they try to conceal the fact that they are pointing at me.
Mr. H was enjoying the attention and asked me to pay. I almost ask, with which money? Then I remember, that I have his bag. I unlock it and pay, yes people assume the worse when you sleep in hotels. But they too, what are they doing there?
I am glad the driver takes us home, I am still exhausted.
'Please, don't drink an entire bottle of Bailey's again'
Mr. H whispers in my ear.
'Why?'
'Unless you want to poison our baby with featus alcohol syndrome'
I chuckle.
'But we are not doing it'
'We need to detoxify and prepare'r.
Mr. H is right, I need to slow down and the stop my alcohol intake. If for real, I want to get pregnant. This means that we are no longer abstaining and I am a little anxious.
'Don't worry, we will both need to be on the same page to get to that point.
We seal it with a soft short innocent kiss.
I pick up my laptop, and prepare to go to work. Mr. H has a meeting so I kiss and hug him, goodbye.
My phone, I can't find it anywhere. So I call my smart phone with my old school phone. My smart phone didn't ring or viberate. I remember I put it on silence. It took another twenty minutes before I found it.
There are nine missed calls on it, I refuse to dial back. If it's important, the person will call back.
I watch the screen light up and pick up.
'Hello'
''Ade hi'
It's Frank and I could tell he was sad.
I cut the phone and ignore it for another five minutes.
'What?'
'Khadijatu tried to kill my baby'
I was quiet, 'what do you want me to say?'
''Ade I am sorry'
'Sorry for ya self'
'I have wronged you in many ways, please forgive me'
'You are forgiven my so, go and sin no more'
I can not believe I said those exact words.
''Ade...'
'Eh eh o, talk to any of your wives'
I switch off the phone.
Nonsense and ingredients, I was not angry. Instead, I was in better control.
At work I fight the urge to fall asleep, there is no business. Sincerely, Lagos was becoming more like a ghost town. Few generating sets were running. And I heard on the news that for the first time ever, Angola was producing more oil than Nigeria. There was something tragic about the news and I really feel bad for my mother land. This mismanagement had to stop.
Ajoke knocks on my glass door and I race to the door. We hug and laugh and then, I look behind her.
'Meet my baby sister, Ashabi'
Ashabi claps her hands and then hugs me.
'It's nice to finally meet, the very hard working, independent woman, my sister has been going on and on about'
Ashabu feigned knowing me and I play along.
'Ashabi' hi'
'When I grow up, I want to be just like you. I want to be able to afford everything you own'
It was an awkward thing to say, but I knew exactly what she was saying.
**Season 1, Episode 23**
Wetin I go go now? Tell all my friends to sack everyone on team Frank? What of the ones i dont know? Frank is a slimy crawly insect, like that. He will always have spies around me. If I am going to hold my head up high, at the end of the day. My job is to be one step ahead, no several.
So, is it my fault? Should I take some of the blame? I am thinking about the answer. It's a lot you know, to just drop someone you have known for so long. But this has to stop, I have to take back control of my life and everything. Starting now.
The ride back home was the longest I have ever shared with Mr. H. He yanked at the steering wheel with rage and so much intensity, that I was worried.
'But.... I didn't mean for it to turn out this way'
'Go ahead, blame it on Frank. Blame everything on your exboyfriend'
'Fine, it's not his fault but mine. Let's just...'
'What? Go another day with his horrifying influence on you, on us?'
'That's not what I mean...'
'By all means clarify this situation for me'
I say nothing, I just stare at the open tarred road and then bite my fingers and chew on my hardened nails. I was not going to win this. Why was Mr. H picking on me like this?
'Why on earth would you let that selfish bastard, control you like this?'
'It ends today...'
'Why are you making this difficult?'
The question was a rhetorical one, I did not plan to speak it but it came out.
'Give me one last chance...'
'You know what? I think you need to spend a day with him, solve your unresolved issues...'
'I don't, I am sorry I made you feel less important...'
Somehow, I realized that was the problem. Before I moved into Mr. H's house, we had dates and spent happy alone time together. Now, it was.. Meet up with Bala, or get into a Frank situation. No date nights, no special moments. We had become like that ten year old married couple just existing.
How did I not notice this?
Mr. H parks the car and I step out of it. He didn't come out, he had this frustrated loom of despair on his face. I open his car door...
'I am not in the mood', he blocked his face as if expecting some personal display of affection.
'Who wants to even bribe you?'
I snapped at him and he opens his mouth to protest.
''Abeg, move jare'
He is in shock and I am not smiling.
'Move where?'
'For once, let me drive', it's not that he did not let me drive. It's that he preferred to drive me.
I drive straight to Federal Palace hotel and he watches me.
'I am not in the mood'
'What? You want us to go home and mope like old married couples?'
He didn't say anything, my point was crystal clear enough.
I ordered vodka and he sits up.
'You don't drink vodka'
'But you do'
He ordered Bailey's.
And we drink quietly, he seems a bit more relaxed.
'So, how is tonight going so far?'
'I'm still mad at you...'
'And I'm still mad at me', I add.
Mr. H rests his back on the couch and I rest mine. It feels like we have not done this in ages and I know he is slipping away from me.
'I'm sorry'
He drops the car keys on the table and exhaled hard. I realize in the moment, how much stress I have caused him.
'I'm sorry too'
'You expected tonight to go in a different direction....'
'Doors slamming and name calling'
'Let's not go home tonight'
Mr. H laughs.
'What's funny?'
'You called my house your home'
'Really?'
'Not somewhere you are squatting in, but your home'
I really am not the nicest person on earth. For every time, I described our living conditions to friends. I have always used the word squatter. Just to discourage my crazy old friends from visiting and getting too comfortable with coming around. I did not think of how it sounds to Mr. H.
'Because, my old friends will turn the house to a guest house and not respect our privacy'
Mr. H sipped his drink and says nothing.
'Why did you give me attitude...'
'See eh, I am not the only one with relationship drama o'
Mr. H folds his hand across his chest.
'Yes, the massage you encouraged me to take had surprise guests'
Mr. H waits for my answer and I sip on my Irish cream, it was really delicious. I was enjoying the suspense.
'Who?'
'Please, you know who. Tina'
'Tina?'
'Tina and Nnoye'
'Your Nnoye?'
'Yes, apparently you sent her one hundred and fifty thousand Naira'
'For her Brothers' upkeep'
'Nnoye didn't know that'
'She showed you the bank transfer....'
'Nnoye forwarded it to her phone'
'How do they even know each other?'
'Tina is in Nnoye's fashion school and paid her remaining school fees'
'So, my money is empowering others'
I burst out laughing and almost choke on my drink. Mr. H rescues my drink and then pat's the back of my chest.
'Small world right?'
I was still laughing.
'At least, I too have a crazy girl from my past'
I raise my glass.
'To our crazy past's, may they just be a faded memory'
Mr. H raised his glass and forced himself not to laugh. I tickle him under his armpits and he chuckled hard.
We both laugh and he too tickles me back, we were laughing and happy.
'So Gist me'
'What?'
'I know, something happens at the hospital'
'I dodged Frank'
Mr. H is in complete shock.
'You are lying'
'I swear to God who made me, Amaria was confused'
'Why?'
'I didn't want any drama, besides... Khadijatu asked me to advice her to remove her baby'
'Why, is it not Frank's?'
'It is o, she was on shock'
'Why?'
'Down syndrome'
'So?'
'I tire o, she should just stay five years without getting pregnant. Then she would appreciate been pregnant'
'Her freaking business'
'Exactly, I realized she wanted to put me in trouble. How do you ask someone to support aborting a child?'
'She feels close to you'
'Delusional, I told her to discus with her psuedo husband'
Mr. H laughs.
'Exactly, are you drunk?'
I pause for a moment and then shake my head. I raise the bottle and I have just a cup of Bailey's left.
'Not yet, when I reach the bottom of the bottle. Maybe'
'I saw Frank on my way out of the hospital, I thought you two talked'
'Emi ke, 'Abeg o. I like my sanity, I would not get between their drama. After all, I was not there when they made the baby'
'Technically, you were'
'You know what I mean'
We book a room and I literarily crashed on the bed. Usually, I can handle my alcohol. But, I do not remember finishing a bottle of Bailey's ever.
I woke up to the sound of Mr. H's voice.
'Come up, I will give you the keys'
I stretch and yawn out loud, it must be mid day or something.
'What time is it?'
'Seven, NNPC is selling fuel. The driver called and wants to fill up the car'
Just seven, the sun was bright and intense, I would have sworn it was noon.
'When will this fuel scarcity end?'
'When we decide to stage our own revolution'
'Me I can't fight o'
'We both know you can', he joins me on the bed and I hug him.
'Good morning my love'
'Good morning my precious love of my life'
We kiss and laugh.
'Why are you laughing?'
'Because you said I am a fighter, I can't fight Tina like you fought Frank o'
'You should never even consider it, she breaks a bottle on her own head before every fight. That's how she got so popular, she fights dirty and is ruthless'
'See now, your hit woman is after me'
'She can't touch you, she likes money more than she likes a fight. She desperately wants to change that image of herself'
'Like you changed yours'
'I had to fight to gain respect, never for showmanship'
I was silent.
,She would prefer to be photographed in a fashion magazine. You are fine'
'If you say so o'
At the check out counter, I spot Ajoke and tap her.
'Hey, I didn't know you were here, Mr. H is here too'
But as she turned and faced me, I realize it's a look alike a younger version of Ajoke.
An old graying actor walks forward and turns to her.
'Asabi, pay the man'
She reluctantly pays.
'I thought you said all the money is my own, we will go to ATM before I live o'
The man was embarrassed.
'Did I say I won't give you your money?'
He storms off and she runs after him, he heels were unsteady and worn out.
'She looks just like Ajoke'
'That's her sister'
'It's a lie'
'She's, how do you guys describe it?'
'A runs girl, hooks up with Aristo's for her upkeep'
I remember, Ajoke crying about her been initiated into some occult.
Ashabi returns to collect the receipt and I stare at her exposed arm and search for the initiation scars. I spot the three knife wound and she spots my eyes on them. Ashabi looks at me and Mr. H and gives me a thumb's up. I open my mouth to protest.
'She thinks I am your Aristo', Mr. H announced and gives me a side hug and a peck. The others checking out tap and point at me and I smile. Because they try to conceal the fact that they are pointing at me.
Mr. H was enjoying the attention and asked me to pay. I almost ask, with which money? Then I remember, that I have his bag. I unlock it and pay, yes people assume the worse when you sleep in hotels. But they too, what are they doing there?
I am glad the driver takes us home, I am still exhausted.
'Please, don't drink an entire bottle of Bailey's again'
Mr. H whispers in my ear.
'Why?'
'Unless you want to poison our baby with featus alcohol syndrome'
I chuckle.
'But we are not doing it'
'We need to detoxify and prepare'r.
Mr. H is right, I need to slow down and the stop my alcohol intake. If for real, I want to get pregnant. This means that we are no longer abstaining and I am a little anxious.
'Don't worry, we will both need to be on the same page to get to that point.
We seal it with a soft short innocent kiss.
I pick up my laptop, and prepare to go to work. Mr. H has a meeting so I kiss and hug him, goodbye.
My phone, I can't find it anywhere. So I call my smart phone with my old school phone. My smart phone didn't ring or viberate. I remember I put it on silence. It took another twenty minutes before I found it.
There are nine missed calls on it, I refuse to dial back. If it's important, the person will call back.
I watch the screen light up and pick up.
'Hello'
''Ade hi'
It's Frank and I could tell he was sad.
I cut the phone and ignore it for another five minutes.
'What?'
'Khadijatu tried to kill my baby'
I was quiet, 'what do you want me to say?'
''Ade I am sorry'
'Sorry for ya self'
'I have wronged you in many ways, please forgive me'
'You are forgiven my so, go and sin no more'
I can not believe I said those exact words.
''Ade...'
'Eh eh o, talk to any of your wives'
I switch off the phone.
Nonsense and ingredients, I was not angry. Instead, I was in better control.
At work I fight the urge to fall asleep, there is no business. Sincerely, Lagos was becoming more like a ghost town. Few generating sets were running. And I heard on the news that for the first time ever, Angola was producing more oil than Nigeria. There was something tragic about the news and I really feel bad for my mother land. This mismanagement had to stop.
Ajoke knocks on my glass door and I race to the door. We hug and laugh and then, I look behind her.
'Meet my baby sister, Ashabi'
Ashabi claps her hands and then hugs me.
'It's nice to finally meet, the very hard working, independent woman, my sister has been going on and on about'
Ashabu feigned knowing me and I play along.
'Ashabi' hi'
'When I grow up, I want to be just like you. I want to be able to afford everything you own'
It was an awkward thing to say, but I knew exactly what she was saying.
**Season 1, Episode 23**
**"ADE'S JOURNAL" 23, COPYRIGHT 2016 **
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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