Stay for more than a while, I promise to be sweet and kind. Never to rewind the past as it replays all my silly stupid hasty decisions, eroding my positive vibes. Dont think your mistakes out weigh mine, because my hearts sunk deep because, memories of many you's, plague my mind with regret.
Oh well, I can't dwell on the past, even though my current situation is really uncomfortable.
Khadijatu was still waiting for a reply and I gave her none. To tell the truth, I am one of those girls, when growing up that secretly wondered what it would be like to be under stress. To be the black sheep of the family, the sixteen year old pregnant child or that runaway child every one is searching for. I never had the liver to do any extremely bad thing, but then I never judged anyone. I had friends like that, but they only made bad situations seem worse. And then, unfortunately, just like that, I drift back into my same old goody two shoes self.
So you have to understand where I stand, when an old friend asks me for permission to commit murder.
'Say something...'
I stand up and shake my head.
'You are not serious, talk to your partner and not me. We are no longer friends'
'... But you know what it's like to have a down syndrome relative. In my own family we are one hundred percent healthy... Must be from Frank's side'
I stop walking away, did i just hear what i thought i heard?
See me see trouble o, just look at this clueless babe.
'Anyone can have a down syndrome baby'
'So how do you guys do it?'
'One hundred percent love and commitment and research from both parents. And understanding....'
'You may think, this is karma but I want you to know. Nothing you throw my way will stop me and Frank from growing old together happy forever. Round one is your own, but the battle line has been drawn'
'Meaning what?' I shout at her with so much rage, hating her naive superstitious self loathing ignorant big fat head.
Can you just imagine, now it's my fault. Was I there, when they were making the baby? Let's not, even go there.
But whose fault now? Whose fault? I dont blame her one kobo, the fault is totally my own. Khadijatu had set up this trap, long before now. There was nothing I could say or do that would change her mind.
Jeje, I stand up and walk away. And just in time, the nurses and other patients were staring at us. This was too much drama, even for me. Amaria runs after me with tiny quick strides and as I unlock the car doors, I jump in. She too enters and sits, she is shaking and I am angry. The fear that haunts her mind is the fear of cancer, prostrate cancer. Doing her research, online had only put the fear of God in her. I reassure her in my angry tone that the doctors found nothing. And when she continues to grumble, I snap.
''Abeg, you will have lots of babies, or don't you have faith?'
It worked and she shut up, so now I can continue to puff and wallow in my rage.
Nonsense and ingredients, it's not anybody's fault.
But my dear, this day's drama was not yet over ooo.
I spot someone I know, and stare straight at him. Dont laugh o, i dodge and try to hide in the passenger seat of Mr. H's sports utility vehicle. I vaguely, member swearing to friends back then that I would never hide from any of my ex boyfriends.
See me now, I cover my face and open the glove compartment. Inside, I find booklets big enough to hide my face. He is too distraught to notice me. I watch Frank walk straight into the hospital, and memories flood my silly mind. I press my flat palm on the windows and watch, pray he looks back at me. He does not and my heart aches, he is going to meet the mother of his child, the woman he lives with, his psuedo wife in his psuedo world.
Thank goodness for wisdom, I left just in time to stop another Frank epic drama. It was another twenty minutes before Bala's cousin walks out with Mr. H.
And I ask if everything is fine and the men explain and reassure Amaria that Bala's cousins reproductive system was fine and cancer free. Amaria hugs me and cries quietly, it's a lot to take in. And I console the young bride while her husband looks on.
Mr. H gives me a look and we both know, he knows or must have seen Frank. I'm not sure which.
At Bala's place, his cousin and new bride retire early and Ajoke seems uneasy.
I catch her alone in the kitchen, staring at nothing.
'What is wrong?'
'My sister is... Her situation is... She has been initiated'
'Into what?'
'It's all my parents fault, they were too strict, too wicked'
'But you turned out okay'
'I was sharp, good at hiding things, could stomach the double ration...'
Now I am confused.
'What double ration?'
'Your lived well and I don't see scars on you. In my house, my mother beat me for talking to a boy and then when I get home, I get double ration, extra beatings from my dad'
'Why?'
'To fake a united front, to make up for her leaving the house five am and returning by eleven at night'
'My goodness, was it that bad?'
'Worse, I used school to escape and once they figured it out, my other sibblings' were banned from schooling far from their prying eyes'
'It got worse and I only knew what I was taught, send money instead of spending precious time'
She was crying now, and wiping away tears with force and rage.
'It got so bad, we had to force her back home at age fifteen. By sixteen, when they flogged her last. She informed them, she was pregnant for the landlord'
'Hope he got punished'
'No, they hushed it and moved her to a strict aunts place'
'That won't work'
'Leaf them, that's where she came back home with three large knife wounds on her inner arm'
'My goodness, so, eh, what now?'
'My auntie does not want her initiating her children... So'
'How old is she, now?'
'Seventeen and starts school in a month'
'What is the problem?'
'Bala will not marry me, if she stays here for a month'
'But she's your sister'
'That's why I'm worried'
'Does Bala know?', I ask Ajoke and she shakes her head and starts to bite her nails.
I have not seen her do that, ever.
'Oh God, I have started biting my nails again. Bisi, won't kill me oooo'
I grab her hand and stop her from pacing up and down.
'Talk to Bala...'
'If he calls off the...'
'Don't say it, you two will sort this out. Think of this as your first test'
She hugs me and I hug her and pat her back, today is going great.
But for some strange reason, Mr. H is giving me attitude. Or am I just paranoid?
On our way back home, I update him about the hospital and rest my head on his arm and he shoves it off.
'When Ade, is this Frank drama going to end?'
His tone was full of bottled up rage and his eyes threw daggers at me. I open my mouth to speak.....
'What?''
It was more of a whisper than a question.
'You didn't have to go to the hospital, yet you made sure you did. Every opportunity to meet that useless buffoon. You jump at it, I am tired of this stupid obsession...'
'I'm not obsessed...'
'You are and it's freaking annoying'
He shouts at me and I feel betrayed, see everything wrong and with this picture. And I am kind of embarrassed, why would he think I am obsessed? Frank is the obsessed one. After all, I did not take the chance and speak to him, I hid.
But wait o, he's right about wanting to go to the hospital. To go to a place I am not welcome and to speak to a friend I do not care for. I pause and think of why I was at the hospital and my entire body jolts as I shiver.
What is wrong with me? Am I really obsessed with a man that is totally not for me?
**Season 1, Episode 22**
**"ADE'S JOURNAL" 22, COPYRIGHT 2016 **
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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