Swirling around a buoyantly lit milky way, I know I am meant to be amongst the stars. So shine through you beautiful child, fight through you resilient warrior. Lift your arm up at an impeccable angle as you aim your spear towards all your precious goals. Hold up your unique Metal Shields Renewed On The 4th of July by belief in millions. Protect your integrity and values, because you will be tested day in day out by people around you.
I was irritated by her words, by her presence and by me letting her in. She looks tired and sits back down.
'Please forgive me'
Her words stung my raging heart, how easy it is to ask for forgiveness. How convenient it is to do the deed and then just ask for forgiveness.
I hissed, loud and long and fold my hands in front of my raging heart. Have we not played this game already? I exhaled long and deep and pressed my fingers on my shut eye lids. Okay, I need to calm down or change my office to keep me away from my past.
'What do you want?'
Khadijatu grabs my hand and squeezed it, I stood up and moved far away from her betraying hands.
'I just wanted to see you'
'Why?'
Exactly, why? After all, she has Frank, has my former job my former life. Which I don't miss one bit.
'It's hard, making friends when everyone thinks you will snatch their husbands'
I roll my eyes, na today. She made her bed and now she will lie in it.
'So, you need a friend'
Saying it out loud made me laugh, I signal to my P.A. and collect the remaining files from her.
The room was quiet, only the sound of paper filled it.
'Ade, please just... I'm going to have this baby, all alone and...'
'You can meet people at the cinema, prenatal class, our old school friends..'
'Frank's mother hates me'
'Can we not do this'
'But, I miss you'
'Why? You wanted my life and now you have it'
'If I could take it back...'
'You can't'
'So, congrats on all your contacts...'
'Why are you here?'
'I told you, I'm lonely...'
'No, you just want to get back into my life...'
'Don't you miss me?'
It was a funny question, obviously she wanted to stalk me and be me all over again. You know what, I was nice because of the innocent child and nothing more.
'Which part? Do you honestly expect me to et you into my life and betray me all over again?'
'I won't...'
'Orisirisi... You are funny'
And then she starts to cry, are you for real?
I turn to my P.A.
'Did you bring your car?'
'Yes ma'
'Please drop her when she calms down. And please, don't let her in here ever again'
I start to walk away.
'I'm sorry'
'I know, I am too'
She hugs me tight and I hug her back, we are both mourning a dead friendship. It was about time.
Back home, Celine is excited and hands me an ice cream cone. I collect it and lick it, of course it's hazel nut with chocolate chips and a generous amount of Bailey's Irish cream.
'I added it when I got home, your friend Nnoye is not bad'
'Yes, she has her flaws but she's cook'
I was thinking about the former me, the old gullible me.
'You have that look'
'Khadijatu was in my office'
'What did she want?'
'To be friends again'
'Joker... Or did you two make up?'
'God no, she was just lonely'
'Strange'
'How?'
'Why now?'
'Don't know, don't care'
'Heard from Frank?'
'Nope'
'Heard from your French boyfriend?'
'No, not today at least'
'When last...'
'Two days now'
'Is he alright?'
'I hope so, this distance thing is not easy ooo'
'I can imagine'
'Where is Mr. H?'
'Working late, as usual'
'Me, I'm going to catch up on the last episode of Game Of Thrones'
'Seen it...'
Celine covers both her ears.
'Abeg oo, I have in followed many people and online magazine's because of spoilers. Don't end our friendship oo'
'Because of an American series?'
'A very interesting one's
Celine struts and licks her ice cream as her excitement shines through. The power of powerful, spell binding media is compelling.
Alone, I am tempted to call him, my lilac eyed Oyinbo toaster. But I know that doing so would have consequences. And really, my relationship may have fizzled down but it is genuine and all I ever wanted.
Khadijatu's visit has brought back memories. Memories I need to get out of my head. I look at my phone and bite my lower lips.
A memory floats in my head, a time alone with him. In my house in Abuja, i am upset there is no light and my generator has packed up. It's hot and I'm uncomfortable but he holds me from behind and I bite my lower lips.
'Don't be angry my dear, this time will pass'
'When?'
'When we move in together, when we get married and start having children...'
'....Everything gets more expensive, more complicated... We should wait till I start earning more...'
Khadijatu walks in and I look at her but Frank pulls my face away from her.
'You are kind of a cynic, always want more...'
'More will be enough'
'I may not be enough for you'
'Dont say that'
'You want the best, and I'm afraid I'm not good enough'
'Our love will withstand everything'
'You will stop loving me'
'Why would you say that?'
Frank tries hard not to look at her but he could not. And Khadijatu avoids looking at us as she gets out a fizzy drink' from the fridge that has not seen any power in six days.
I hold his handsome youthful face in my freshly manicured hands and try to assure my Frank that I was his.
'True love doesn't lie...'
'But you said that twice you thought you were in love and time revealed you weren't'
'This is different, Frank our love is different'
'Swear it....'
There was something desperate about how he said it and I got scared. I was afraid he was going to tell me to do something against my belief or wishes. So I protest and move away from him.
'I'm not doing any blood oath...'
'...And I don't expect you to, just swear you'll love me always and forever'
'I already do....'
Frank looks at Khadijatu who was watching us and opened her drink and looked away.
'I will love you always and forever, no matter the distractions, no matter if you don't love me anymore. I will love you unconditionally'
The look of despair on Khadijatu's face said a million words. And I was a little weary about it but then, I shrugged it off. At that point all that mattered was the words Frank had filled my head with.
What was I to say after that, I felt loved and complete. But it was all a lie, he was not just talking to me. He was also talking to his lover, telling her he could not commit to her. What a naive little fool I was.
It was sad that the memory popped up in my head and I wanted to erase it permanently. But that was not going to happen. I would forever replay many memories in my head, good and bad. In fact, I think memories are good, they help you drive out reality from fiction. And to realize that all of it was just an elaborate player's game, hurt. But it's like they say, you can use pleasure and pain to stay the same, grow or regress.
I get it now, the innocence young people lose is what makes them adults. But I want to be a fun loving adult, not a bitter lifeless one. And to become this, I must get over this sad time. I pick up my phone and dial his number.
'Henrik, hi.. You want to meet up for drinks?'
Yep, judge me all you want but I need to be far from what I know.
A quick shower and a simple wrap around, long sleeve army green knee length gown and two inch shoes. I pack my hair in a bun on top of my head and put on burgundy lip gloss and black eye liner. Inspired look from one of the girls in WAG'S.
Call me silly but I love that show, the clothes, their needs to meet their goals. I feel like I'm one of them and everyone around me is watching and waiting to see how I end up.
Henrik is fine as hell in a gray Jersey and black pants. We hug briefly and he's going on and on about Wimbledon and if I'm watching Serena Williams play.
'When I can...'
'I thought you liked tennis'
'I do, I'm just...'
'Sad'
'You can Tell'
'My friend who was sleeping with my former fiance and by the way will give birth next month.... Paid me a visit, did I mention my former fiance was already legally married'
Henrik takes my hands and squeezed them slightly. I smiled and shake my head.
'Will it ever stop?'
'It will, you will find it all amusing'
'I can't wait'
'You look nice'
'You too'
'So, what do you want'
'You have to ask?'
'Baileys then'
I laugh.
Henrik is funny and he laughs and falls lightly on my shoulder and we both watch each other. He is about to kiss me and I look away.
'We can't keep dancing around this'
'Mr. H is right, you need Athena around'
'What if I don't want her any more'
'I am not what you need'
'I want you'
'No, we are just lonely and vulnerable'
'So we should stop'
'Yes'
I walk away and he grabs my hand and pulls me so close, I can feel every inch of him.
'Ade?'
The voice startled me, honestly i expected to be caught by Baratu or Daniel. But not him, never him.
Henrik let's go of me and I adjust my gown and stand at akimbo.
Frank laughs hard and long then falls forward.
'So, you and Mr. H are over right?'
I ignore him and grab my bag, Henrik pays for our drinks and we start to leave.
'I didn't know you were into white guys'
I keep walking, it's really none of his business who I choose to be with.
'Wait ooo, don't tell me this is all under g?'
I did not look back at him, I just keep walking.
'And you keep acting like the rest of us are sinners, bad guys and girls with no morals... I wonder how Celine and your friends will feel when they find out...'
I want to turn but Henrik guides me out.
'I cannot wait to see the reaction on lover boys face when he finds out he was not enough for you...'
Frank's words stung hard and hurt me big time. I can imagine how Mr. H would react to the news that I did this to him.
When on earth would my complicated life ever get simple?
**Season 1, Episode 45**
**"ADE'S JOURNAL" 45, COPYRIGHT 2016**
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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