Deep within the darkness, a light ignites. A beautiful glow from the tiny red molten dot core, simmers and then starts to attract, swallow and engulf everything all around.
There is silence but a lot is been said, I feel like even though we are close.... We are far apart, on the edge of a porcelain platform , gathering dust, that is forged from fire and destroyed by flames.
I stormed out of the living room, pissed at him for ruining a good thing. He chased after me and I slammed the door, but he caught it and shut it.
'Can we talk?'
I did not answer, instead I fold my hands and answer with a question.
'Eh Hehn?'
I was so angry at him that I laughed and it made him make a face. The cutest I've ever seen. It was almost innocent, almost believable, men and their acting, their I laughed at the face that failed to make me believe him.
'It's not funny'
'I know'
'I'm sorry'
'I heard, ah'
I hold my forehead and massage it. This was bringing up a lot of stress.
'Did you...?'
I look at him and cannot believe what he is implying. So to give him his own headache, I nod my head. I had this smirk on my face, the one, a naughty child has on when she has done the very thing you tell her not to
'You didn't...'
'We did.... In your bedroom...'
'Don't do that...'
'Do what?'
I think he was trying to decide if it was true or not, and got irritated and could not handle the thought. The thought that I had slept with another man, nonsense. I put on a fulfilling smile, the kind that begs for a reaction.
Mr. H walks out, can you beat that and I run after him.
'Unbelievable...'
Celine and Ajoke were ripping apart grilled chicken when we both burst in.
'I did it once and you walk out..'
Mr. H grabs his car keys and shakes his head.
'I know you wouldn't, but to say so....'
'You cheated on me for months...'
'And the minute you could not have Frank, you became celebate...'
'You would not commit...'
'I did...'
'How? With what, to get hitched when?'
'It's all about the wedding with you...'
'You know that's a lie. I was in this one hundred percent'
I could feel the tears coming and turn around to hide my stupid emotions. He is the one that betrayed me not me.
His hands touched my shoulders and I flinched.
'Ade, can we just sit and talk...'
'Why?'
'Because it's you I want...'
'You know what? I am hungry'
I grab a piece of grilled chicken and tried to yank a piece off. Instead it comes off like butter, annoying. Why is chicken so soft and tender these days. It has changed from hard to soft, yet the heart remains annoyingly soft.
I pick my phone and scrolled down my Twitter feed. The article that blows me away is about the oldest ranger in America. She was beaten black and blue yet still showed up for work. Am I still supposed to take this emotional beating and still stay?
No, I'm not that mature.
Celine walks up to me.
'Ade, calm down, you know this is a test and....'
Ajoke was eating really fast, she didn't want to take away any food and was eating everything. At least she did not pretend, unlike Celine.
Miss goody two shoes was playing a part, trying to be all sweet and all knowing. Who is she trying to fool? I have her time.
'... And for your information, Celine and Ajoke caught me...'
Ajoke stopped chewing the chicken bone and looked at me.
'Caught you doing what?'
Mr. H's question proved he kind of believed I had fooled around.
I looked at Celine and she was shaking her head.
'Did she deny it? No', I say waving my hand around for the full effect of the drama I have unleashed.
You won't believe it but tears were falling from my eyes. I didn't even know I was crying. I am such a softy, a push over, a love hungry naive fool. I run outside and Mr. H catches me and hugs me. I fall my hand big time and I cry like a baby until I am too tired. He rocks me and walks me to the living room and we crash on the couch. I sleep as if I have been sleep deprived of sleep for a week.
It was late and I felt the cold air was freezing my feet. I jerk and remember where I am. And then, I get up and search for my duvet and she had it with her. Celine covered my feet and limbs and I feel guilty.
'Thank you'
'If you had been drinking, I would have blamed it on that. But you came straight from the office and...'
'I'm sorry'
'One dinner at Tiamiyu Savage...'
'.. Lobsters, giant prawns, even squid..'
'No, make it octopus...'
I squeeze and hug my friend and she shoves me away and I rock her tight. We both laugh and I shake my head.
'But you don't eat any food without some form of skeletal structure'
Celine eyed me and then pat's my arms around her.
'I really embarrassed myself'
Saying it out loud didn't make me feel any better.
'You were angry'
'So, what now?'
'It's your relationship'
'I don't know what to do'
I collapsed back into the couch and stretch my hands and toes.
'What time is it?'
'Time to work on a new outfit for Ajoke, the babe is not getting fat but her tummy wont fit into her old outfits'
'So how will you...'
'She wants her clothes to fit like a glove but still be comfortable. Two fabrics I have will work but she hates the colors... So I will order and then start work. How was your meeting?'
I smiled because I remembered Henrik's passionate kiss.
'I'm talking about business, ah'
'It was fantastic, I have enough to move out but it may affect everything else, like logistics and...'
'Do you want to move out?'
'No, but I don't want to live a lie either'
Celine clears her throat and stands up, Mr. H had heard everything.
'Good morning'
'Morning'
Mr. H sits near my stretched limbs and I tuck my legs under my bum and away from him.
'We can work'
'How?'
'I can't do this no sex thing'
'Why didn't you say so?'
'I didn't want to loose you'
'But to lie to me, to let her laugh at me like that'
'Please let's start all over again'
'We can't erase this'
'And we shouldn't'
'How long can you do without?'
'Emm...'
'Tell me. Everything is out now'
'Two'
'Months?'
He shakes his head.
'Two weeks?'
'If there's no fasting or sickness...'
'At most?'
'Six'
I was scared, was his libido on hyper drive? Would I be able to travel for a month and trust that he has been faithful?
'I don't want to be apart for weeks, I don't want to feel alone'
'And you think i do?'
'Seperate rooms, hardly any contact...'
He was touching my hands and whispering, the way he looked at me made me want him. He hugs me and I shut my eyes and then we were kissing. I was sad and then I became nauseated and pulled away.
'I will stay but... I need two weeks to decide'
He gave me a questioning look.
'Yes two weeks to decide if truly we should stay together'
After all, that's how long he can stay without betraying me all over again.
My office felt cold and empty and after we put all our expenses, the data in to Microsoft excel. Our budget was in check, things were gaining twenty five percent increase, every two months. The budget had to be quickly implemented to get good business out and a healthy profit in this economy. Na wa.
I wonder how people are coping.
Daniel showed up and he and Baratu were having issues. She said she was pregnant and Daniel does not believe her. He wants an independent test and even suggested that Mr. H could be the father. At this junction I am neutral, so what if she has a child with Mr. H. Na today?
Daniel is surprised I am calm and the truth is that I have run out of been surprised.
'Every disappointment is a blessing... In fact, that you have a baby with her does not mean we may not end up together'
Daniel was shocked by my statement but more worried about having a child with her.
'You two did it, so now the blessing's of God have materialized'
'She is not who I want...'
'And who I want has been screwing Baratu for over a month now'
'I have my lawyers on high alert and'
'What if I was the one pregnant?'
'It would be perfect, our baby would be perfect. Our friendship bonded for life and...'
Daniel takes my hand and I continue to scroll down my Twitter feed.
'But she's not me, and you can't blame the innocent child or triplets...'
'Stop it ooo'
I was laughing out, so loud, my P.A. gave me a side look. I wipe the tears and placed my cold hands on his warm cheek.
'You will be fine, our lives will be fine, our children will be fine'
'Thanks Ade, just be more responsible than I ever was'
And with that, he left my office. I begin to feel guilty, as if he was talking to me.
I was exhausted and knew there was no more we could do. So, I let my P. A. go home early with our projected work for the week. Alone, I wanted to sleep. Was it a form of depression or heartbreak?
Ajoke sent a WhatsApp message, she wanted me at her dress fitting by six. I could sleep for an hour and then...
Henrik called.
I jump up and straightened my form fitting gown. I exhaled twice and then answered.
'Tell me you are alone in your office'
'Why?'
'I just spotted your assistant walking away from your building.
'I am'
He cut the phone and I became scared, scared I would not restrain myself and scared i would regret it.
Henrik had a bottle of Bailey's and I smiled and hugged him. He gave me a peck and we sat down and talked. It was a big relief not to have to deal with emotions right now.
He lifts my feet and takes off my peep toe shoes.
I try to stop him and he shakes his head.
'I understand, you don't want to and we won't'
All the tension in my back left me and I have a sigh of relief.
'You told him'
'Yes oooo'
I dragged my 'o's', long and hard so he can feel the intensity of my telling Mr. H.
'You fought'
'Yep'
'You exaggerated'
I laughed.
'We did not'
'But he did not believe you've slept with me'
'How come?'
'He knows you, if you did sleep with me. You would move out'
'You think so?'
'You still want him, or our clothes should be off by now'
'He said two weeks is the most he can abstain'
'We all can abstain for much longer than that'
'You see...'
'But if we don't have to then we won't'
'How do you mean?'
'It can cross your mind, but when you have someone special, then you can't wait'
'But our deal is...'
'Marriage'
'I can picture you as a bride, the lace veil, and you swaying and smiling...'
'Thats what you men say when...'
Henrik hands me a case and I gasp, my heart was beating so fast it scared me.
'Tell me they are ear rings'
'They are ear rings'
I open them and see a beautiful ring with a rock on it.
'No, you can't'
'I broke it off, and if you say yes for a day or forever. I will take it, I will take you as you are, abstain for you and wait for you. Just say yes'
Now, I am confused.
How can I deny myself all that I have ever dreamed of? The guy who proposes without ever seeing my pant, my underwear. He is a rich entrepreneur, so the perfect mentor to our children. Also I will get to leave this country, leave here and start all over again.
No more bumping into old flames or old friends asking about failed relationships and all. But is this enough, is Henrik what I need right now?
**Season 1, Episode 48**
**'ADE'S JOURNAL' 48, COPYRIGHT 2016**
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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