Slice hard at the truth and fight hard to stay true. I listen to the blues and try to elevate my elevated mood. The deep Barry tone voice from the radio talks sings about how beautiful this moment is. And I hide my face behind the covers, away from everyone, away from the harsh reality. He moves inches closer and I smile and move millimeters nearer. Sin is delicious and his warm embrace makes it all worth it. But I realize I am naked and panicked....
The fear is real, I jump up fast and away from the disheveled bed. The horror in my eyes were real. As I realized that I have broken my vows to be celibate. The worse part is that I am not sure with who.
I have no memory how I got here or where I am. Is this a movie? Because I know myself, I drink but never too much. I never ever go anywhere I do not know, talk more of with someone I have not known for long.
Was I drugged?
Walahi talahi, I am totally clueless. The last thing I remember is that I was physically close to my archnemesis. And he had his warm hand on my waist. But my P.A. stopped anything from happening. At least, I felt guilty enough to break away from Frank's embrace. In the ice cream palour, I think. Or wait oo, don't tell me.
Did I feel guilty and decide to sleep with Henrik? I am in deep sheet and I alone know it. Wait o, he said something. I stare hard and my blurry vision starts to clear up.
'Come here'
He says as if he had said it before, I still did not move an inch.
His words make me get a panic attack and I become dizzy and cannot stand. I slant and lean and fall on the bed. I know I did not just faint and so, I take deep intense breath's. He crawled over me and I freeze and stop breathing and start to cry.
It is of course, Frank.
No be small thing, I cry and spoil mouth. And as I wipe my eyes, I see that I still have on Henrik's engagement ring.
I have betrayed my fiance and myself, I have broken my own vows for a man that can never be mine alone. I have become one of those stupid girls in the movies that you want to flog some sense into their heads. I have daydreamed Frank, my ex. Coming back into my life like in a soap opera. Like a dream, but the reality is that he is the worst thing I ever encountered in my entire life. I am doomed.
'Don't do that, don't look away and Cry'
He says the words in a sexy to die for voice and moves me closer to him. Thank God the sheets were between us. And from what I can feel, this is not a dream.
So how did I get here?
My P.A. judged me and spoke her mind, reminded me that I was engaged and Frank was dating her friend. I warned her to mind her business and she said I was her business. She said Henrik deserves to know if I did not want to marry him.
Come to think of it, the thought of relocating to America scared me. In my teenage years and twenties, this opportunity I would have dived on in a second. But these thirties are something else. I have become complacent and I shouldn't be. But I think I'm exhausted.
I know it seems I have it all but, I crave my former life. Even though it was all a big fat lie.
Henrik does not deserve this but then again, I caught him. Yes, I did.
I actually called to report myself and missed my turning into the junction I was to drop my nosy P.A.
So I took a gunky street and was afraid I was taking a one way street the wrong way round. I parked and got out my Google maps, because I am not going to give LASTMA any money for violating traffic offence. Especially because I missed my way. That was when I saw them, they didn't see me and my P.A. saw what I saw with my korokoro eyes.
Henrik and Athena walking together and he guided her by the waist into the restaurant. I marched out of my car but myP.A. held me back. I slap off her hands but she begs me to calm down. I grab my phone and call him, he looks at it and returned it back into his pocket.
She blew him a kiss and they disappeared into the place.
Now you understand my plight.
I cried briefly and stopped, I removed the ring and tossed it out of the car. My P.A. ran and grabbed it and begged me not to jump into any conclusions.
Why would he ignore my call?
I tell her not to worry and collect the ring and put it back on. As I pick up my phone, to get the correct map location. I drive out and meet LASTMA'S towing truck. Some other vehicle had been caught, that's twenty five thousand Naira, for wetin?
I Dro my P.A. that refused to leave, she just continued to beg me to be calm.
Do I blame her?
No, my wedding is the first she will ever be a part of any bridal train. So she is talking from a totally selfish angle. I tell her I have heard and drive back to the ice cream palour. I know I am looking for trouble and decide this is wrong. As I drive off, Frank's car blocks mine and I come out cursing and warning him.
He begs me for one drink and I know I shouldn't but I don't care. I call Henrik again and again and he does not pick. That's ten missed calls he cannot claim he did not see. I switch off the phone and agree to have one drink with my ex-fake-fiance, who by the way was already married when we dated but lied about it. Now he is divorced and my former best friend just had his baby girl. Such drama, even I want to see how this ends.
And I did, we were in a room together about to betray everyone and everything we know.
'This is about us'
He said, pulling away the hands I used to cover my face. But at this point, I did not want to any more. Frank cannot believe his eyes, I am putting my clothes back on and relating the words.
'This is a mistake'
Frank grabs me and I do not fight him, I just hold his face.
'Is this truly what you want? Us in a hotel room, your slaughter room ending this with a one night stand? A one off you can brag to everyone for the rest of your life about?'
He laughed.
'A one night that would bring us back together'
I shake my head and wrap my hair back into place.
'I am marrying Henrik and this isn't happening'
'He won't marry you, once i tell him we were in this hotel room together'
It was my turn to laugh.
'You think, this is my first love triangle?'
Frank's jaw dropped but no words came out.
'Yes, I've been in this awkward situation before. The one night stand was horrible, lasted three seconds and he had a child's...'
'You know you like mine...'
'And I like Henrik's'
'I thought you were celibate?'
'Yet, I am here'
'Tipsy as help'
'So you wanted drunk me'
'Ade I want all of you, but this is not you. You don't do one night stands and if you do.... Stay'
'Henrik is with his ex, I did this to get back to him'
'We started this, let's finish it. Let me make you speak in tongues and Cry'
I slapped his hands away from my waist.
'I said no'
'You know what this proves?'
'Yep, that I go back to only people I have tested but not necessarily trusted'
'That, I am your guy. The one you will always come back to...'
Frank was close and almost kissing me, I could not resist or blame my feelings on any alcohol. So I put on my phone.
The unending echoes of sound notification made Frank stop.
I made sure I did not forget anything and leave the room. Frank holds on to my hand as long as he could and I watch his naked body for as long as I could.
Kai, I need serious deliverance.
I don't go home, or go to Celine or Ajoke. I need a neutral friend and so I drive up to Nnoye's place. She isn't very keen to see me.
'What is wrong?'
I ask, forgetting my own problems and ignoring all my phone calls.
'Tina and her children are here'
'Which Tina?'
'Mr. H, Harry's ex'
As I walk into her house, Etim runs and grabs my shin. I pick him up and rock him and he dies the baby thing of grabbing my nose mouth and earrings.
The house was a mess with an additional four children and a man who greeted me briefly and then went into the room.
'Whats going on?'
'Tina had two children for a man but he lost his job and is battling depression. Then that man is the father of the last two'
I looked at the children sleeping on the floor and one started to ease himself in his sleep.
'Why not wake him?'
'Thats round one, he will wake up...'
The child gets up and moves his older brother to the spot he wet. Then goes to the toilet and eases himself.
The hygiene condition were deplorable and I did not want to sit on her couch that had a map of proof of bed wetting.
'Let's go to my room's
I followed her and said nothing
'Tina hid her family from me but could not anymore. Her rent was due and she had to keep them somewhere'
'Why, why help her when it's clearly not convenient?'
'Because when I didn't have, she connected me to my ex and helped when she could'
'So how long will you do this?'
'Two weeks, I cant cope for more than that'
'Will she get a place by then?'
'She's out hustling'
'Ade what, a prostitute?'
'No, she went for all those parties you meet rich guys. She wants a boyfriend'
'Who will date her with four children?'
I screamed the words and tried to calm myself down.
'You would be surprised'
'Where are you coming from so late?'
'Just had to see you'
'And problem?'
'Not at all, we will catch up later'
I stood up and she followed me and as we got to my car.
'One a week is up, I would move'
'Where?'
'A other if my ex's property, only this time. I won't pay'
'Why?'
'One I have a child for him, we will draw illegal papers'
'Draw up first ooo'
'Did you?'
'No, but your case is different. How many does he have, children I mean?'
'My agbero boyfriend has three girls, he wants two from me'
'Why?'
'Because time is going Andi dint want Etim to be an only child'
'And your friend Tina?'
'My bobo does not allow people sleep over ooo'
'I see'
All the compromise and sacrifice and all that matters is you, your partner and your spawn. It was time to go home.
I park my car and see his, Henrik had called me a record fourty times and run down my battery. I was not moved, neither did his car in my driveway.
He was waiting and I totally ignored him.
'Ade, what did I do wrong?'
I unlock my door and step into my house, he is still by the door.
'Henrik come in'
I said with a plastic smile.
'I called your P.A. and she said we need to talk'
I know he is worried and suspects I have betrayed him. I sit on the pink couch with its colour screaming so loud. I tap the empty space beside it and smile at him.
'Frank Speaking Sin Is Delicious'
My words sting him and he buried his head in his hands.
'You slept with him?'
Henrik was screaming and I felt guilty.
'I was with him all evening, I could not resist..'
Henrik punched the wall and I shut up.
I was scared and more scared the wall dented and cracked. The silence was deafening and I didn't even know when my hands covered my mouth.
'Ade, don't joke about things like this'
Now I am confused.
'I am not joking, I was naked with him...'
Henrik lifts me out of the pink couch and I was shaking. I agree that I did not take the best route in handling this.
But in my experience, the truth helps or rather an exaggeration of it. Because he thinks the worse and anything you say, he thinks you've watered down.
But, I don't understand his reaction to my having an affair with Frank.
'Are you mad because you are mad or because you've been cheating on me with Athena?'
Henrik was in shock, I could tell he didn't expect I would ever find out about him and his own ex.
Henrik dropped me gently on the pink couch and shakes his head.
'Is that why you went to Frank?'
'I saw you two together'
'You dont know what you think you saw'
'My P.A.was there, I called you and warched you ignore my call'
Henrik rests back into the pink couch and I could see his hand was bleeding. I wanted to ignore it but could not. I got up and got first aid box and ice.
'I didn't mean to betray you, its just so hard breaking my horrid habit'
'Did you sleep with him?'
I clean the blood and put some ice on his fist and bandage it up.
Henrik lifts my face away from his fist and to his. I shake my head and cry without uttering a sound.
'I almost did'
'I know'
'You didn't'
'How do you know?'
'I know you left him hours ago...'
'How?'
Henrik kisses me and I kissed him Passionately back but stop him.
'How do you know what time I left....'
I stopped talking.
'You had me followed?'
'I had Frank followed, but Ade how? Why his slaughter house?'
'Why did you have Frank followed?'
I knew the answer but I wanted his.
'Because I kissed Athena and regretted it but understood that Frank would never let you go'
'So you can never let her go'
It made me sad to hear his truth.
'I will always ask what if and always wonder but it's not her I want, just like I know it's not him you want'
'How can you be so sure?'
'You are here'
It sounds all good but he ignored me.
'Words are easy'
I was angry at him.
'I knew you almost kissed him and so, when I ran into Athena... I agreed to meet her and flirted with her'
It makes sense but still it hurts.
'But she knew I was playing games and ended up more miserable that I spent time with her'
I took his uninjured hand and place it on my chest and whispered I'm sorry.
'You are enough for me, you are real to me. You I will marry and have children with. But Frank has broken you, made you addicted to him and I'm expecting you to betray me'
'I won't, Henrik. I won't betray you'
'You will and you will regret it, it will change you and might change us. I wish you had betrayed me today, gotten over your fantasy. Do you know you call his name when you sleep?'
'I don't mean to'
'We need a break'
'But I don't want one'
'Ade, go out with him, sleep with him. If he's yours you will stay his'
'I can't do that, I'm yours'
'No, not completely. Harry felt it and I feel it. Do it aso we can go into our relationship without this hanging over our head's'
'You just want Athena back'
'Ade, I swear to you. Do this and we will still get married'
'We will not be the same'
'Ade, you were naked in his arm and the way you kissed him'
'Wait, what are you trying to say?'
I panic and my head gets light.
'You watched us, watched me?'
'Frank's slaughter house has its series. He likes to watch agree'
'My God'
Im embarrassed and afraid I will become a YouTube star, in the worst possible way. He hands me a flash from his pocket.
'It's the only copy, watch it and see what I've seen'
I hesitate but collect it.
Henrik stands up and walks to the door.
'One week and we are back together'
'Henrik I can't'
'Watch it and see why my heart breaks'
There were tears in his eyes and mine drop continuously. I can only imagine what I said in the video. Words I said thinking no one else would ever see or hear me speak then again. Even I was shaking at the thought of it all.
I shut the door and lock it, I make sure all the window curtains are properly covered and then I get my laptop.
It was a tipsy me, I was laughing and happy and chatty. Frank made sure I sat were the camera could capture me. He tried to undress me and I give him a dirty slap. Accused him of thinking I was cheap and started to leave. He apologized and begged me and then talked about the first time we met. He tried to put off the camera but I thought he was playing and joined.
We talked for long about Henrik and when he brought up Me. H, I said he was my rebound guy. I said I loved Henrik but I also still loved Frank. But I knew we could never be, that the thought of maybe having him kept that love alive. That one week together would crush all the beautiful ways they ever get back together in real life. Frank says he is here and misses her and they strip to underwear. The barry tone music helps the mood and there is a lot of kissing. Frank moves to put off the recording device and I jump up.
The rest is history.
But, not before I said my church mind. I wanted myone week of decadence with Frank. And now I had it...
Or do I?
**Season 1, Episode 60**
**"ADE'S JOURNAL 60", COPYRIGHT 2016**
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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