Grunting hard and deep, knowing that life's no longer mine to keep. I smile at my burdened mother, give my frustrated brother a side eye and use the little strength left in me to look at my little sister. And ask, without speaking, was it all worth it? The memory of all our beautiful laughter, the agape love we shared, all replaced by an unending despair. A fear that lingers, and has built up for years and years as it morphed into painful tears. I drift into a brief coma and out of it. Regrettably, I hear them cry and beg the Lord to take me. Lord knows I try. I have swallowed all kinds of poison to make their prayer's come true. But my frail body rejects it all and now, I am an old man. Not yet forty though, but bed ridden none the less. This time, I know it's time to vacate this world. The calls and whispers from death, lures me to its cold embrace. Guilt ridden, my sister stops grumbling and wipes the foam from my mouth. I even overhear them arguing about borrowing more money to bury me. How cruel this world is, please quickly take me away quietly and end the pain I have inflicted on my family. You would not believe it, but as if a kind of mercy, heard my cries. I breathe one last time and float upwards, towards peace. And as I look down on my family, I notice that they have wrapped me up in all my sweat and emptiness. Oh, how precious life once was, plagued by horrible, body wrenching epileptic seizures. All now a distant memory, I think. Alas, my trauma has no end. Maybe I am sentimental about my former body. But as I watched in horror, I can't help but ask who these people are. They lift me, and, and... I am but, An Empty Shell Dumped In A Cesspit just behind a place I once called home. Still shocked by what or why they just did what they did. Wait ooo, am I now a secret, they think they can hide? The joke is on them, because days later... The stench of their wickedness engulfs everyone and leads them back to me. The secret is out and the world will forever judge them for, not how they suffered and endured and borrowed to keep me alive. No, but for how they treated me in the end. Like a fig tree, stripped of all it's green as they grow and go on with this stigma, forever on their conscience...
This is not the Nigeria, I grew up hearing about. These are not the people I believe are my neighbors. Or am I in denial? What is wrong with people now adays?
See eh, I was just trying to get over the news of the hell Celine's mum went through as an illegal alien in France. And the news that the baby she had was stolen from her by the couple that pretended to help her out. They collected the child and kicked her out and informed Immigration that she was illegal. Somehow, the child found out and walked out on the parents. Pierre's ex wife, assumed that Celine was that child. But her birth certificate proved otherwise and now Celine, Celine's mum and Pierre were searching for this child. The cruel family was sued of course and the entire case is messy. It's also a reminder of good and evil that man is capable of. So it's true what they say, nothing is hidden for long under the sun. The truth always comes out.
Right now, I'm on board a flight to France. Ajoke and i, decided to surprise Celine.
And I got my own surprise too. Just as I got to the hotel.
'Ade', Bala called out my name and I screamed and hugged him.
'You came', I said and dragged the words.
'All these traveling, gets me suspicious', Bala exclaimed and looks at Ajoke somehow.
Ajoke rolled her eyes at him and I hug my friend.
'It's guilty conscience, don't mind Bala'
I grab the twins and blow kisses at them, they are super cute and are getting bigger everyday.
'Better put them back in their pram, I too can't carry them for too long '
Us girls laugh and walk to the restaurant.
'Abeg, let's eat first and then we will go and meet Celine'
Words I wanted to hear, I was on a strict portion control diet in Grenada. Don't blame me ooo, all those skinny and curvy girls in tiny bikinis were oppressing me. I did lose enough inches around my waist for Henrik to notice. But right now, I was craving fat juicy steak or a meal that was so guilt ridden..
I am almost caressing the steak,when I noticed how everyone was looking at me. Actually, it was Henrik that kicked me under the table that made me look up.
'What?'
They laughed and i licked my fingers and promised myself not to binge eat my way up the scale. It was after all, getting harder for me to loose weight.
'When Ade, finishes her steak then we can go'
Ajoke leans back into her chair and folds her arms across her now large breasts. I too could not wait to have babies, so my breasts would triple in size. My friend noticed and adjusts, with a smile and I shake my head. Ajoke was always high on herself, typical but annoying.
'Thats unfair', I grumbled.
I gobbled up some more and Ajoke started smiling sheepishly. It made me stop and eat some greens and round up.
'Henrik, we are coming back here'
My husband agreed and then Ajoke whispered in my ear.
'If you want to add all the weight you lost, come back'
It made me sad, that delicious food had all that bad cholesterol and fat in it. I looked back at the restaurant and waved. Bala was laughing at this point.
'You will come back, don't mind Ajoke'
'Thanks', his words made me feel less guilty and I waltz down to the black cab. It was waiting to take us to our dear friend.
Sweet aroma of a freshly roasted turkey invited us in and Celine had no words to say. She screamed when she spots Bala and invites all in.
'Why didn't you tell me you were all coming'
'Surprise', Ajoke adds
'Ade, is your honeymoon over?'
'Not yet, we will continue tomorrow and then will be back home on Saturday'
'Good, I'm touched you are all here'
'We are back home after two days'
Bala announced and looks round and adds.
'Is the turkey ready?'
'No turkey for you', Ajoke protests.
Bala looks at me and I look at Henrik, who is now laughing at me.
'Ajoke, 'Ade has lost weight and Bala too'
'Celine you should have seen the large steak they served us...'
'Just today, then we can all continue our healthy diet '
Celine says and brings to the table, the largest turkey I've ever seen.
Henrik cut three slices and started eating his. Ajoke gave him a mean look.
'It's the different continents, it makes us very hungry'
'Christmas is close and all the food will...'
'Abeg Ajoke, relax'
'I'm trying to lose weight and if you can't support me, who will?'
My dear friend points to our men with a variety of flat, bulgy and big stomachs and it makes me laugh. She's right, but I have accepted that the Christmas season is always the time I let go and add a little weight.
'Ajoke, we will try not to add too much. Okay?'
Celine laughed and steps into the kitchen and we both race after her.
'So, how far?'
I asked, waiting for more gist about her lost and found sister.
'Her parents said she did a simple blood test that revealed her mother could not be hers. Asked for the truth and when they didn't tell her. She walked out'
'Why didn't they say anything? After all, the truth was out'
'Ajoke, they did and lied and she kept unearthing the truth until she just got irritated by it all'
'How did she find out?'
'A neighbor from their past mentioned the truth and she freaked out. My sister could not be her parents could be this cruel'
'So, where is she?'
'Missing, we are still searching'
'You dont think, that they did something to her'
It was a question I had to ask, a kind of mistrust I now had about people'
Celine and Ajoke paused for a while then shake it off.
'Ade, no ooo. You don't think they killed her to hide the truth?'
'What drives a mother to dump her so in a Cesspit?'
I know I had to bring it up, I'm still in shock and my nightmare about that epileptic man still haunts me. I mean, like seriously.
'Don't mind Ade ooo, the man was already dead'
Ajoke said, munching on some raw carrots.
'Who, what, when?', Celine was confused.
'A tortured family in financial dept, dumped their sons dead body...'
Celine cut me short with her hand in the air.
'This really happened? Like seriously happened'
'It's all over the News'
Celine almost passed out and Ajoke gave me a scolding look.
'It was not a good example'
'I dreamt I was him', I tried to explain and Celine massaged her forehead.
'So her step mum could easily get rid of her, if a biological mother could do that?'
No I know that my mind was not really with the girls, when I said or mentioned the story plaguing my mind. Now it sounds like the worst thing I could say to Celine.
'Celine I'm sorry, I did not mean...'
'You see yourself', Ajoke grumbled and milked the situation further.
Honestly, I did not know what else to do or say.
There was a commotion in the living room and Pierre ran into the kitchen, all excited and flushed.
'Celine, we have found her'
Those words lift up a heavy burden that made guilt weigh me down. I was so relieved that I sighed out loud.
'Phew, thank God'
Scuttling up from the floor and using Ajoke as a prop, Celine stands erect and squeezed my shoulders. It made me relax a bit and we all followed Pierre.
In the living room, I thought for a moment that Brad Pitt was in the house. He was so gorgeous and looked straight at me. I was really impressed by this beautiful man and then immediately feel guilty. Again.
Slowly, I look at Henrik who has witnessed my obvious amazement at this handsome, Greek or French god like man. I know, I could not decide his origin, what I was sure of was how delicious he looks.
I look down at my feet and find a comfortable couch to hide myself in. Ajoke joins me and whispers a little too loud.
'I love how Alan looks right now, heard he's modeling for some high end Italian designer that makes suits'
It made sense, he looked like he just walked off a page of a fashion magazine.
'Where is she?'
Celine's question made Ajoke and i stop drooling over Alan, Pierre's little brother. Our beautiful boy stands up and shows Celine his phone.
'She's a designer too, and also my boss's muse'
Celine squints and tried to catch her big sisters face. She taps and stretched the picture and covers her mouth..
'My God, 'Ade come and have a look'
I was the only one not close, actually I was trying not to look at Alan.
Now I have no choice, i walk up to Celine fighting not to look at Alan.
I fix my eyes on the picture and gasp, it looks like Celine. Too much like her.
'My goodness'
'Does she know? That I am here, that my mum is here?'
'No, I couldn't tell her. But we have a fundraising event tomorrow. You could get tickets'
Alan was looking at me and I looked at Henrik.
'We won't be here tomorrow', Henrik says and pulls me towards him.
'It's a day time event and your flight leaves at night, right?'
I don't think I'm the only feeling the tension between these men. There was really no need for Henrik to be acting all possessive right now.
Celine was still staring at Alan's phone and did not notice anything. But my sharp friend Ajoke was shaking her head.
'Please, Henrik. Share this reunion with Mr, with my mum. Let's all deal with this together because 'Ade knows I am an emotional roller coaster. And Ajoke is the cold fish here'
Bala was laughing and Ajoke wasn't.
'I am not a cold fish and Bala, why is that funny?'
Bala signals to Henrik and he lets go of my hands and whispers.
'I'll be back'
I am in my quiet corner when Alan lifts my hand and startles me.
'Lovely ring'
I gently remove my hand from his and smile.
'Thanks'
'Married life suits you, you look great'
'And modeling fits you'
'Have you ever thought of modelling bikinis?'
The question made me laugh and shake my head.
'Never'
'Why?'
His question annoyed me, does he not see how much curves I have. I could never, ever do that.
'I am not a model's, was my modest answer.
'Curvier girls model'
'I'm too self conscious to ever be a model'
'You shouldn't be '
The way he said the words made me look deep into his eyes, as if I was in a trance.
'You should be an actor, you have that captivating effect '
'You know you have it too?'
At this junction, a normal person would have said no. But not me, I'm too self conceited to back down at been the center of anyone's attention.
'I do, but I'm too busy to care'
'And you have that screen face, that gorgeous...'
Now he was too close.
'Alan, stop flirting'
I turn to the room to see who was watching me. Ajoke waved a finger of disapproval my way.
'My husband is in the next room'
'I know'
I shake my head and walk towards Celine, Ajoke cut me off half way and dragged me to a corner.
'What are you doing?'
'Walking towards Celine'
'Don't encourage the player's
'I'm not'
'Better he looks like Brad Pitt today, should not make you forget your moral's'
'I haven't'
'I'm serious 'Ade, don't talk to Alan'
'I didn't encourage him'
'Don't spoil your honeymoon'
'I haven't'
Now, I was upset and angry. And I know I snapped at her a little too loud but I don't like been accused of encouraging anyone. Is it my fault he is fine, and likes me.
After all, it's not like I would ever act on it.
The cold night did not brighten the mood Henrik is in.
'I'm sorry'
Ask me why I am apologizing. I just want the awkwardness to stop.
'For what?'
He was feigning, pretending not to know what I was talking about.
'For, well emmm. I was surprised by how good he looked '
'So, you and Ajoke had to drool over him in front of us'
I hug him from behind and place my hand over his heart.
'But you know how I feel about Brad Pitt '
'Exactly'
I spin around him and land on his lap laughing.
'You won'
I tell him and give him a peck.
'But the race isn't over, and the day I start thinking like that is the day I loise you'
'Aaaww, that's so sweet'
'He really likes you'
'Everyone likes an unavailable person that's easy, the hard part is finding someone you love and keeping the love alive'
'True'
'So, what are you going to wear for the fundraiser?'
I think and then think again, i really had no clue.
Henrik lifts a box from under the bed and I shrieked and hug him again.
'Thats what you and Bala were up to'
'Yep'
I bring out the nude form fitting wrap dress and place it on my skin. The fabric, the feel and the look were all so enchanting.
'Did Celine make this?'
'All our outfits for tomorrow'
'When?'
'It was for our back from the honeymoon party. But this will do'
I hugged him and rest my head on his warm shoulders.
'It's perfect, her sister will see how talented Celine is'
The night was beautiful and love was in the air.
Finally, the fundraiser is here. Alan was walking on the runway and Celine's sister was on the arm of the designer. It was a show stopper and some of the pieces, I got for Henrik. To my surprise, he just wants the sweater's. Men shaaa, they can be picky like that.
After the display of the collection, we all mingled and made friends. Ajoke and i didn't leave Celine's side and Alan eventually introduced Celine to his boss.
The meeting was epic and the designer was confused.
'Adelaide, when did you change?', he asked in his sexy French accent. He's Italian but schooled in France and a gorgeous man up close. Ajoke and i were excited and thank God, she asked for a selfie.
The designer actually could not tell the difference and insists he meets them at the same time. I don't think he believed Alan, he thinks this is a prank. Alan had to introduce the two women.
Adelaide was cold and suspicious at first and then, when she spots Celine's mum. It was over. Her heart melted and there were tears shed and shared.
I too cried and Alan was quick to give me a white handkerchief. I should be thinking of Celine, right?
Instead, my mind drifts and I imagine I am the queen, whose knight in shining armor tries to woo her away from her King.
It's a good thing that i won't be here long, Alan was a huge distraction.
Ajoke nudge me out of my fantasy and I chuckled and looked down at my feet. By the time I looked up, Henrik was frowning bitterly. I got scared and scuttle into his arms and plant a warm kiss on his soft lips. It melts away his frown and slowly, his lips on mine spread into a smile. Now I know that, me self dey find trouble. This has to end, fast.
Nightmares may start the day and fairytales may come our way. Just remember that you are only human and that you will strive to be the best.
What am I saying? I will strive to focus on my good sides and on what I have. I will be thankful for what I have and strive to get what I want. I won't be in denial about the bad, the distractions or the problems I face. But will focus on what I have, what I can do to make it better. And to always, always appreciate every kind gesture.
Because I may start out with good intentions and end it on a bad note. It's best to remember that as long as I care, I will strive to be good.
What about you?
**Season 1, Episode 89**
**"ADE'S JOURNAL", 89, COPYRIGHT 2016**
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2016**
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