It starts with a cool calm surface, that face, that innocent look he gives you and attracts your innocence. Life is beautiful and all flowers, clouds and the Atlantic ocean. The red clay, malleable under your warm feet, grapple at the gravels in the mud. And as you squat on the pavement, you stretch and catch at least three tadpoles in your crumpled plastic cup and show off. He loves that you are carefree, tomboyish and unrestricted. He loves that you love your girls and hug them, every time you meet. But now you are together, his harsh words remind you that you are no longer a child. The feet should not always be in mud and catch all sorts of bacteria or smudge his clothes with your excitement. The girls that you deem close, want a part of him and can no longer be trusted. The sea, should be better appreciated and seen less of. And looking up at the clouds and bumping into people isn't cute anymore. And dressing up as a nineties music video, tomboy is so old fashioned, it only makes other people laugh at you. The world has lost its fun now, and I look down more often. I walk past my naive friends and miss the laughter. My friends envy me and tell me I am in the best relationship ever, I am the ugly duckling that is now a swan. it makes me go back and check out my old pictures before I started dating him. How ugly was I? Instead, I see a flawless me laughing and touching people. A guiltless me, in different outfits and hats, inspired by Chanel and Mary j. Blige. Now I am a lady, who needs her face to be seen. A lady, like one in the eighteen hundreds. I swear to God who made me, all that was missing was the constricting corsets. Maybe if I had them on, I could cry for the girl I once was. My former best friend, longs to be touched and loved like i am everyday. I want to tell her that i long to be her or old me once again.
In silence, when I am alone, I wish I had never agreed to date you. You rubbed me of a life free and sane, filled with girls, dressing up and rolling in the mud. The carefree girl is gone, now afraid to sweat and leave armpit moisture, on her perfect outfit. The calm façade he exhibits, has started to simmer or is it boil. He won't wait for years for me to loose my virginity. And now, my wayward friend is more honest about her emotions than I am. Confused and tortured verbally, I start to ask why I am different, if he will stay. The perfect face of the lid on the pot, starts to crack as he boils over and gives out ultimatums. No one told me that love was bitter sweet and about all the emptiness in between. I give in because, I am tired and curious and forever I will regret this. But, it's okay. I won't nag or become a stereotype girlfriend, instead I will be the walking dead and smile and laugh at your tired jokes. He is happy now that I am an obedient pet, he says jump and I say how high. I hide my growing affliction, the rabies affliction splitting and multiplying inside me. He cracks a joke and brings me down and all his friends and side chicks, laugh at me. I laugh and face him and bite hard at the words that hurt me. How foolish of you to think so little of yourself. And you all laugh because he mocks you and taunts you and you all agree he is stupid. It was words, said to cause strife and reveal secrets and plant mistrust. Yes, I am no longer that sweet girl, but I won't be silent anymore. The verbal abuse ends now, this minute and not a second more. Three years of eroding all my confidence and hopes and dreams end forever and now.
Men Lie Now They Will Fry under the sun and on a hot pavement. Not in secret as they have done since time immemorial and gotten away with. Today, everything coming out in the open. And I will expose you for who you are.
The truth is that I am sad, I was tagged on a Facebook message that ruined my day. My best friend in the university died before going for national youth service. We could not do two days without seeing each other at some point, but it all changed. It changed because I dated a cold bastard that could not handle sharing my time with her. And I let him, because I thought I was in love and was been fair. Now, I can't forgive him for it.
I am angry and frowning and making breakfast with annoyance. I chop and slice at the berry tomatoes noisily and then move to the onion's. The chopping board leaves marks as I do and I continued until he stops me. I want to cry but I can't, instead I shut my eyes and try to breathe.
Henrik collects the knife and helps me to a chair in the kitchen. I do not look at him, I cannot look at any man right now. I am too angry.
'What did I do?'
The question annoyed me and i gave him a mean look.
'Ade, please talk to me'
I searched my mind for an answer and found none.
'I know you are upset with me, but give me until May before we start the process of relocating'
So, he knows what he did. I lean back and fold my arms. Henrik made it seem like we would relocate just after the traditional wedding and now, it's maybe six months after.
He takes my hands in his, on his kness before me and has that annoying innocent look men have. I bend my lips and grunt and look away.
Nonsense and Ingredients.
'Ade?'
I was looking at him but thinking f my friend and he rocks my hands up and down.
'Do you need a break?'
The question was odd and I did not, dignify it with an answer.
'From me?'
I thought of the question and looked out through the window's at the clear blue sky.
'As in, a walk without me?'
He pulls me gently up and opens the door and then gets my slipper's. It was the only thing that he said that made sense, this husband of mine. A smile, played up my face and I stepped outside with no slippers on. The gravels and sand was sharp and hard under my feet and it was very difficult to walk. But I liked the feeling and with eyes glued to the sky, I walked on and then bumped into a tree. It made me laugh and I looked at my laughing reflection in the windows. Henrik was watching me from the kitchen and I waved because I was a little embarrassed. Then I strut and walked around the massive house and to the guest house that I once called home. I don't a snail on the hibiscus tree and laughed at the thought of no longer eating snails.
'Mummy you, I no longer eat snail's'
I return it to the tree, even though it has run back into its shell.
It's time to go back home, to just accept that my friend is gone and my life has evolved. I walk back home and Henrik was still in the kitchen waiting. He stretched out his arms and waits for me to enter his warm embrace. I do and tears stream down my face.
'It's my best friend, she died and I miss her'
'It's okay'
'I miss her a lot, but it's been over a decade and I feel I should not'
'Where you close?'
'Everywhere', but we dated outside our clicks and didn't spend as much time together as I would have hoped '
'But you still have that memory's
'Yes, I still see her and the drawing board she was carrying the first time we met. And the iconic light green outfit, she wore at my beach party'
'Did you dream of her?'
'No, I dreamt of the beginning of my eroding innocence'
'What?'
'The first guy that broke me away from my friends. He hated my best friend...'
'The one that died?'
'No, this one is still alive. But she knew he was violent, she recognized it in him'
'So he drove a wedge between you two...'
'I let him and when he knew he could get away with that, he just tried any and everything thing. Until I became more'
Henrik laughed at the statement.
'I can't imagine you mute'
'It was not a laughing matter ooo, I watched him beat up a cult boy, which proved he was also a cult boy. And then his sister, he punched her for talking to me for too long '
'No way'
'She clapped and declared he would beat hell out of me'
'What did you do?'
'I knew I had entered one chance, so I did nothing and just watched it all unfold'
'So, what happened '
'He was loose and eventually, I broke it off '
'What triggered this, because you have never mentioned this be'
I stand up and walk out, Henrik is confused.
I show him the Facebook message and wipe away the tears streaming down my face. Henrik reads it and looks at me, he had no words for me.
I collect my phone and type and then hide the message from my wall. I give it back to Henrik and as he reads out my words he rocks me gently .
May her gentle soul, rest in peace and I add and say it out loud.
'Amen'
The long drive to Ajoke's house left me tired and the only thing I could do was shut my eyes. The short nap, had me, Ajoke and Celine dancing on Ajoke's yatch laughing. I heard myself laugh and opened my eyes.
Bala, Ajoke and Henrik were watching me laugh in my dream.
Ajoke folds her arms and shakes her head.
'This woman, tell me what you were dreaming of'
I stretch and unbuckle my seat belt.
'We were dancing on your catch'
'Who?'
'Me, you and Celine'
'Thank God Nnoye was not there, you spend too much time with that trouble maker'
Henrik opens the door and I stretched again and stepped out.
'Us guy's, are having our day to ourselves', Bala announced.
'Who exactly is part of this outing?', Ajoke asked her husband.
Bala placed his hands on her shoulders.
'Daniel, Mr. Hand Henrik', Bala answered.
Ajoke gives him a quick peck and he looked so embarrassed, it made me la.
'You this woman', he grumbled.
She hugged him and swung backwards in his locked arms. It was so playful and sweet and lovely to watch.
Henrik hugs and gives me a peck and we both watch them drive off, together.
And as they exit the vicinity, Ajoke turns sharply towards me.
'What is wrong?'
'Nothing'
'You were crying'
'Remembering my schoolmate that does'
'Awww, I heard she was such a good soul'
'From who?'
'Nnoye '
'You two hang out?'
'Yes, i take her to lunch, just after she posts pictures of two of you on Facebook'
'Ajoke', igrumbled ad stretched her name.
'She thinks she can be your new best friend, she's joking. I'm your one and only best friend, then in second place is Celine'
The statement made me laugh.
'That babe is a trouble magnet, she told me about Frank'
'He didn't try to get back with me, which is a good sign '
'That he married your classmate from the university'
'Straight out if the university, thirteen years now'
'How does a man hide a wife?'
'Both parents opposed the marriage, so they did it in spite of them. It was a secret marriage, done in Ogun state'
'And no kids?'
'From the gist I heard, none. Their pastor said it's punishment for the sin of getting no blessings from their parents'
'Na wa'
'And she had no clue he had married others, just by chance saw a text he had sent to me. And resented me for it'
'You two should not attend parties without me'
'It was my school reunion'
'So? This your secondary school reunion coming in May, I am attending'
'I should be in America'
Ajoke laughed at me and I freeze.
'Why is it funny?'
'Have you closed your business or do you plan to?'
The question threw me off guard and left my mouth ajar.
'Did Henrik buy you tickets or have you decided on a date?'
'We can just move'
'Do you have a visa to America or has he filled for you?'
I sigh and then collapsed in her couch.
'My dear, you two will relocate. But most likely August or so. If you start making definite plans '
Ajoke may be crazy and eccentric but she has a point, in fact several.
'You are right'
'Good, so are we taking Nnoye to your reunion or not?'
'What?'
'Let's to me, we shouldn't. But you are always soft and bendable'
'She's our friend'
'No thanks for that'
Is Ajoke serious?
'Na die you dey', I say and start dialing my phone.
'Ade, what are you doing?'
'In biting Nnoye..'
'On my yatch, never'
'Don't be childish, she will have latest gist and gossip for us'
Ajoke snatched my phone and cut it. We coth fight to get it and laugh.
'Ade, let me invite her now'
'Why?'
'Its my yatch'
Docked and waiting for Nnoye, we stand and watch people watch us.
'They want to be us but won't pay the price'
'And what is the price?'
'Time, energy, consistency and constant improvement'
'Ajoke'
'Ade, see your friend's, Ajoke points at Nnoye.
I turn and spot Nnoye on a motor bike, Ajoke is filming and taking pictures.
'Don't do that'
'Why not, the girl is desperate for fame. it's good to have some kind of hold on her'
Nnoye says the bike man, adjusts and looks up at the tach. I think she's praying we didn't see her. We both pretend not to.
As she climbs up, into the yatch. We hug and air kiss and sip on Chapman.
'Did you girls see me drop from my cab?'
Ajoke quickly answer's.
'I heard a vehicle approach but didn't know it was you'
'There's was horrible traffic on the way'
'Good thing you bypassed it all'
Ajoke la as she taunts our friend, Ajoke had said we would leave by eleven and the girl got desperate.
I just could not deal with their drama right now.
'Bring the champagne, I've stopped breastfeeding'
Nnoye tried to steady herself and then crashes to the floor crying.
I am in shock and Ajoke rolled her eyes at her. I rush to her and help her up on her feet.
'What is wrong?'
Nnoye looks at Ajoke and starts to cry again.
'Nnoye 'Abeg, if you do t want to go. I will tell the captain to turn around and dump you back on land'
I nudged my insensitive friend.
'What?'
'I'm pregnant'
The words make me chuckle and then I stopped.
'For who?'
'Ajoke, stop'
'Ade, 'Abeg. It's a legitimate question'
'I think it's Daniel's'
The champagne arrives and Ajoke hands me a glass.
'I'll drink to that', Ajoke announced and seat's down.
Honestly, I have no words to say, isn't Opeyemi also maybe pregnant for him?
See me see trouble oooo...
**Season 1, Episode 100**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 100, COPYRIGHT 2017**
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE COPYRIGHT 2017**
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