Failing To Pass For Seven Years

     A fraction of a grain of sand, yet we bond together. My spinny web like limbs are sensitive to your touch and your words, that sting and scream at me. Ordinarily, I should just stop and shrivel and die. But the familiar look of my friends and siblings, the same words they whispered to me... Has me brainwashed and believing I can do it. This tiny ant that has taken it upon herself to carry this large gecko. I bite into it's thick dry skin and nothing happens. It's not my first attempt and it won't be my last. I can see the dent that isn't there, I can see my impact even though I've not yet achieved it. The large human eyes Watching me glows with moisture. I know it is tempted to tell it's giant limbs to crush me. But we are both curious and Its been a while but I believe its time to smile. It's Like I'm swimming across the Nile andno longer thinking of my decline. Or I'm down the path of meanwhile and climbing up the hill until, I'm back to me. That tiny me that believes everything is possible. Smiling like I've got it right

 and remembering that its only for a while. For soon, I'll be saying again that Its been a while. I actually taste the gecko and help and celebrate, my family of ants are close by, cheering me and now, they are with me. By my side, celebrating and biting into this massive task I have achieved. This jamb that has jambed me because, I've been Failing To Pass For Seven Years. Now, together, we carry the pieces of our victory and race home. And I have done the impossible, graduated as the best student in my university and I am pregnant after another seven years of trying. All of my mind, body and soul is victorious but I won't stop there, I know I will have to empower myself and others. I know my husband and I will have to raise this child I am carrying to be strong. The world will set you up to be distracted, to fail, to feel guilty that you are different. That unlike your peers, you didn't pass the first time you tried. But I am here to tell you that everyone has their pace and mine took a little longer to Achieve. Just look at me now, on top of the world. The moral of this my story is that you must see a positive way to achieve your goals. And also surround yourself with people who whisper and remind you that you can succeed.

     Hunger is a powerful tool, it can cripple you or drive you to find a solution. As I read the story of this Beautiful Nubian queen. This pregnant graduate that failed jamb seven times in a row, I can't help but think of what I would have done in her shoes. Did I add that, University of Ife also rejected her application three times. All of my mind is calculating all the almost ten years of trying and failing. I had two hundred and eighteen as my jamb score and the cut off mark for Ife was Two hundred and thirty. I will never forget how my uncle ridiculed me and said Ife was for those on merit only. That's the kind of negativity I was surrounded with. If I had failed, he would have said my parents should not waste time on me. He was a poor bitter genius, with high grades andno job. So, he was preaching from his point of view. Thank God my parents shut him down, the challenge I had was that I respected his opinion. I still got to study my engineering and graduated. But I doubt my family could handle me failing, let alone for seven years.
 This story is unique and has been on my mind since I read it. And I promised myself, as I pay my growing baby bump... To never see failure as a bad thing, something to be ashamed of. Instead, it's a stepping stone to trying to understand why. Also it helps to surround oneself with positive people.
  I'm the human eye, watching that tiny ant try to bite into the dead wall gecko. And as I watch the ants slice the dead creature to pieces and carry it away. I can't help but be impressed.
 A sudden jolt on my backsnaps me out of my dreamlike state and I turn around.
'Ade, what are you doing?', Henrik asked.
'Watching these ants cartaway a dead wall gecko'
'Really, where?'
'The last piece is the tail, look'
 Henrik watched the ants spin and turn the tail as they move it up the wall.
'What's up?'
'Just thinking and imagining how my parents would have handled me failing jamb'
'Ade, they won't mind'
'The parents you see now, have evolved. Back then they were much more traditional and demanding. I would not have heard the last of it'
'But you didn't fail'
'I know, that's why my story was not printed in the news. This lady is extraordinary, especially with people commiting suicides lately because they failed'
'You know another woman jumped into the Lagoon'
'I didn't know that'
'Actually, the first was a man and died. She was rescued'
'My goodness, I hope she gets the help she needs'
'I hope so too'
'My mum and my aunt have fought'
'over what, you?'
 I could see the smile playing up his face.
'She had an impromptu night vigil in my parents house and my father freaked out'
'She is really out of control'
'Yes, sting it was because of me'
'She's such an attention seeker'
'And I heard it was her church member that committed suicide'
'His have mercy on all of us'
'Amen oooo'
'As long as she is no longer with your parents, we can even move in'
 I chuckled at the thought of moving in back with my parents.
'No thanks'
 Now he was the one Laughing.
I am hungry now and Lord knows that I want to eat moi-moi and rice. Not the one I cooked myself. I know Celine would not hear me out, so I'll call Ajoke.
'Babe', Henrik addressed me and I smile at him.
'See you soon, how do you say that in French'

'En français nous disons ... à bientôt'

 Henrik plants a kiss on my lips and adds, 'same to you'

 I wait until his car is far away and then I call Ajoke. Our rendezvous was sweet, it feels good to sneak into a forbidden food joint and eat a meal we know we should not.
 I did not tell her about what Celine and I encountered. No need,ieat themoi-moi and then the over cooked rice. The meat was beef and I enjoyed myself. I had to get more drinks because I was craving sugar. Ajoke understands, so she did not judge me.
 By the time I got back to the table, I was shocked to see Celine by Ajoke's side. Ajoke was laughing so much that tears were coming out from her eyes. Celine stood at akimbo and I wanted to run and hide.
'Ade, you will never learn, what are you doing here?'
 Na today, me self Sharp pass that one. I quickly used reverse psychology to get out of this mess.
'What are you doing here?'
'I was supplying a client one of your clothes and three of mine, when I spotted Ajojes car'

 Okay, so she caught me. Do you blame me? I'm pregnant and have my cravings.
Abeg no one should try me this hot afternoon oooo.

 Asif the day could not get any worse, I heard a familiar voice call my name and freeze....




**Season 2, Episode 12**