Is It Me

"ADE'S JOURNAL", 40

     Spying on pale pink and peach, sweet flavors of peace. Lining the edge of a beautiful tree, with the backdrop of a vast sky blue sky. Climbing and clawing at a past, long gone with vast leaps of missing time, crunched and dumped into a well. The deep one that rumors swam and told of a mammy water trapped at tge bottom. By the sudden trappings of a river trapped, by modern structures, vast. Cut off from a family she dreamed of, locked out from a dream in her grasps. How cruel the future is, swaying her perfect hips and puckered lips. Oh, how much I would change, with a whisper from this cruel future. Smelling sweet with chemical lies. That screamed as I heard my echoes bounce back at me. With my skinny frame as a child, leaning down into the abandoned well on Ekenwa road. Reaching down to a silver surface, reflecting a cool sun. Like crystals bouncing off glass, they entice and pull me down. Deep into a pretty world as all my friends laugh at my imagination. Almost, I begin to doubt myself and loose hope. And then I see her perfect fin, her Beautiful dark skin glows and her babyish smile invites me.
Come down to us, she said. And I look back at my tiny friends, the boy I loved to swing high and jump out of swings from. And the girl I like to play ten-ten with. Well, all the kids love to play ten-ten with me. My energy s unmatched and my joy unquenchable. And don't let me start with my defiance, with me respectfully disobeying grown ups. Rumors of defiant kids falling in the well and been lost in the water world for life. Scared others, but for me, it was always my lost world. And this recurring dream had to happen. Even though I'd miss my siblings. Not daddy so much, he's on course all the time. Mummy is worse, my restlessness drives her crazy and she really can't deal with my almost permanent adrenaline rush. No I don't blame anyone them, but I want so much more. I want to swim with the gods of old, goddesses of the rivers, lakes, lagoons and seas. I want to skate on icy raindrops in Lagos state and run on molten volcanoes in Gongola state. I'm closer now, almost touching her side fins. She blows me a kiss and should i have said no knowing she would have let go. Sweet life, we'll go further. Wont miss the world as we bow out and swim the world together. But I feel grown ups pull at my feet and fragment back to this boring world on land. I struggle and Fight to hold onto her fins and she whispers a quiet sssshhh. We will meet again little princess, just let go. I sniff and cry and then let go. But only when i am sure, we will meet again.
 Thinking about that late morning and the high fever they claim I had. I know it's all a distant memory...
One that only a dream can bridge the gap between my silver finned friends....
      Amazing isn't it? To live your life and then see how you've grown over the years. It's better to view it in tens, that is every ten years. The first ten are amazing, I lie. The first five are precious. I have day old, days old, one, two and three. Super cute and the outfits are interesting, especially if you are the first born like me. The other years are not so drastic and the change slower. But I have some memories that never change.
  That well in my primary school in Benin city, the one we were never to go to. I dream about it, but it's no longer so bad or scary. It's like a movie now, with the prescious lead character. Can you guess who that is? You know, the one that never dies.
 I am smiling so much, freaking out my partner, who happens to be my husband.
  I just thought of something, does Henrik read my JOURNAL? As in, ADE'S JOURNAL.
I know you expect me to say that if I was in his shoes.. That I wouldn't.
  For where?
I would read it, decode it and fight hard to keep it a secret.
Anyhow, it's not that I have incriminating evidence in it. At least, I hope not.
 Back to this memory that has inspired me to write, to do something about my Beautiful mind.
 It's beautiful and makes me smile, not always but sometimes.
 Other times, it's a memory from been alone in the house with my siblings. Childhood has great memories, but I also have scary memories. One I'm in my clothes closet, praying that no one would find me.
 I'm glad my kids are going to be twins, at some point I wanted just one. Then I wanted nine and then didn't want any. I was all over the place but mostly, I wanted one or any. I'm just so grateful there's any number coming in. Sorry, two exactly.




**Season 2, Episode 40**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 40, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**