If Only I Could Win, then my life would be like a sword penetrating deep
within me. Through pain and tears, it hurts, revealing all that they said i'd never be.
This year, because I did not earn like they did. If only i could breath, i'll sing from the bottom of my passions little heart. Never to succumb, like a bird that hit rock bottom
after falling free. Oh, if only i could win
i'll show them that my river is worth more than my liver. How I disappoint and turned to rot by the drugs pumped into me to help me heal.
I fight jump on my two hind heels and I'm grateful I have enough fuel to sustain me as I fight. I'm fighting for my right to exist, to live and survive. The world watched and just did nothing. It's a fight that would get nowhere. She will be bruised and battered and learn her place. But I refuse to quit and leap and peck at my attacker. Even if I don't win, I would leave my mark.
My claws scratch like claws from a lioness, slicing and wounding this being that would not let me be.
The chicken was defiant and refused to bow out of a defeated battle. No shaking, I chuckled as I surprise onlookers. This small voluptuous hen pecked and pulled at his oversized comb. It was bleeding and attracting an audience of busybody flies.
This was never my plan for where I call home. Obviously, there's something wrong. I begin to tire and suddenly, I don't feel strong. I feel as if My legs will give way. But I can't just stop, I must fight to the end.
I cry out and for the first time in a long time. It sounds like I'm not alone,
I hear myself grunting. Shadows of many me, cheer me on and tell me to stand up straight. The flood of defeat is gone and i grab short stout feathers all around the puffed up lazy cocks throat. My life has begun to expand as I feel her hearty and alive. He is bowing down, under my bloody beak. Crowing and crying to be released. Impressed by my bravery and spark. Sure that now, my success in everything I do would never leave me.
As he leaves, the predator spies a innocent chicks, watching to see who he can brainwash. I tell all who can hear to listen. But I know that each lesson has to be self taught. Each fake love has to be self weeded out. Each dream crusher, disguised as friends, has to be fought and chased out. The repeat offender pretends not to see me, as he crossed over into another compound. Searching for innocent chickens to deceive. Underneath his long feathers hides his mini bucket of sweet ketchup and foil paper to place his victims on......
The year 2017 is in its first half and what have l done this year? Too much or too little....I'm guessing. But there is still time and even though it seems tough I am tougher and will swim and float against life's obstacles or Murky Waters... Because.... I can Smile. I miss that simple gesture and find it hard to right now. Ajoke squeezed my hands and the look on her face made me chuckle.
'You are Laughing', she scolded me and I just gasped.
'If you see the look on your own face'
I was still talking when Mr. H raced into the hospital lobby. He hugged me and squeezes both my hand and Ajoke's.
'Is she alright, is the baby fine, have you seen her?'
All his questions left me dumbfounded.
Henrik walks out with the doctor and we all turn to him.
'They are both fine, she just has a fibriod growth'
The doctor's words shocked me, I thought Celine did a full medical test every year. I think twice at least, how could they miss it?
Henrik was looking at me and I realized that Mr. H still had his hand on my waist. I look and he removed it just as his baby mama walked in. That was the least of my problems right now.
'Doctor, can we see her?'
'Briefly, yes'
Ajoke and I race on and rush into her open arms as we all cry briefly.
'Thank God ooo', I add.
'The devil is a liar', Ajoke declared.
I have every reason to be grateful to Almighty God. He kept my father alive and has protected all my friends and the remainder of my family. Please keep keeping them safe, I need them well and happy
'So, you heard', Celine adds.
'You didn't know?', I asked a little confused.
'The last scan I did was over a year ago'
'Why?', Ajoke asked a little annoyed.
'They never find anything, so I decided to skip it all'
'So, now wetin go happen?', I asked.
'Nothing, it's not big and won't affect the baby. I was just stressed out'
I massaged her tense neck.
'Celine please take it easy'
'I know, how was the weekend without us?'
Celine was curious.
'Perfect, until she spoilt it', Ajoke adds.
'What do you mean?', I was not sure what she was talking about.
'I have no idea what she means...', I started to defend myself.
'That your cousin had his hands on....'
'You are talking about him hugging me outside this hospital room?'
It was a legit question and it made Celine fold her hands.
'Please, he was just worried about Celine'
'His babe did not look happy...'
'Abeg Ajoke, no vex me'
'See, act all innocent eh. I am telling you how it looked...'
I raised my voice and protested and then Celine cleared her throat.
I looked up and Mr. H and his partner enter the room.
'Let's give the family their privacy', I add and drag Ajoke out of the room.
Nonsense and ingredients, after all that's what they are to each other. What is my business, anyone that does not trust me for his pocket.
I was angry, the truth is I have even forgotten I was once dating Celine's cousin. Did I tell him to hug me? And the idiot didn't even hug Ajoke. Why do men like looking for trouble?
Henrik could tell I was angry and side hugged me.
'Ajoke can be so annoying', I voiced out loud eyeing her. The stupid girl stuck out her tongue at me.
Henrik grabbed me and made me face him and his smile shaved off a decade from his handsome face.
'All the noise is annoying you, right?'
'And what...'
'I know, he should not have. But I know it means nothing'
'But you noticed'
'He will always have a soft spot for you, but he means nothing to you'
The words you want to hear from your partner. Proof of trust and mutual understanding...
'Right?'
'You had to ruin it', I add with a smile.
'Come, let's go and sit in the doctor's office. Just us'
I follow him like a teenager in love, he understands that I wanted it all to be quiet. And I gladly rest my head on his lap, I am happy Celine is alright.
But seriously, what was that crap all about, I'm going to warn Mr. H to be the gentleman I envisioned him to be and just mind where his hands wander...
'Did you know that his partner moved out?'
'Whose partner?', I was not sure who Henrik was talking about.
'Mr. H, Bala told me'
'But they came here together', I told my husband who was updating me on our cliques latest developments.
'Really, when?', this was news to me.
'Bala told me last week and I didn't think you cared to know. But now his hands are finding their way on my woman....'
I say upright to protest and met a smirk on his face.
'You just wanted me to react', I grumbled with a smile.
'Bala said I should be careful, that two of us should be careful. He actually told him, he made a mistake'
'For his pocket, why is Bala on your side?'
I had to ask, because he has known Henrik in less time. I could not help but question where his loyalty lies.
'Bala says you two were cordial together and dull. Almost boring and the two of us have a spark he recognizes...'
'Bala is just trying to patch...'
'He thinks Mr. H is alive with his partner and that this their fight is temporary'
'Na Dem know oooo. I have found my own man'
'Tell them oooo'
Bala had walked in on me planting a kiss on Henrik. He covered his eyes, not very well because I could still see them
'Ade, how are you doing. You see baaa, a weekend away is great for couples'
He announced and side hugged me.
'Come and talk to Celine, she does not want to stay in the hospital for observation'
'She's joking', I grumbled.
'She insists someone stays with her...'
'Jibike is perfect and has agreed...', Ajoke says walking into the room.
Ajoke leans down to my ears and asks.
'Did Bala catch you two doing it?'
I almost died from embarrassment.
Mr. H and his partner walk in and I know I keep saying his partner. It's because I can't remember her name
'They were doing it', Ajoke says and Mr. H almost passed out.
'Eh, Baratu needs to go', he adds and just like that I remember her name.
That's life, I adjust my dress knowing my audience is not sure if I had been naughty or nice.
'Did you know that his partner moved out?'
'Whose partner?', I was not sure who Henrik was talking about.
'Mr. H, Bala told me'
'But they came here together', I told my husband who was updating me on our cliques latest developments.
'Really, when?', this was news to me.
'Bala told me last week and I didn't think you cared to know. But now his hands are finding their way on my woman....'
I say upright to protest and met a smirk on his face.
'You just wanted me to react', I grumbled with a smile.
'Bala said I should be careful, that two of us should be careful. He actually told him, he made a mistake'
'For his pocket, why is Bala on your side?'
I had to ask, because he has known Henrik in less time. I could not help but question where his loyalty lies.
'Bala says you two were cordial together and dull. Almost boring and the two of us have a spark he recognizes...'
'Bala is just trying to patch...'
'He thinks Mr. H is alive with his partner and that this their fight is temporary'
'Na Dem know oooo. I have found my own man'
'Tell them oooo'
Bala had walked in on me planting a kiss on Henrik. He covered his eyes, not very well because I could still see them
'Ade, how are you doing. You see baaa, a weekend away is great for couples'
He announced and side hugged me.
'Come and talk to Celine, she does not want to stay in the hospital for observation'
'She's joking', I grumbled.
'She insists someone stays with her...'
'Jibike is perfect and has agreed...', Ajoke says walking into the room.
Ajoke leans down to my ears and asks.
'Did Bala catch you two doing it?'
I almost died from embarrassment.
Mr. H and his partner walk in and I know I keep saying his partner. It's because I can't remember her name
'They were doing it', Ajoke says and Mr. H almost passed out.
'Eh, Baratu needs to go', he adds and just like that I remember her name.
That's life, I adjust my dress knowing my audience is not sure if I had been naughty or nice.
What matters is my state of mind right now, it's great and Ian thankful.
'Ade, I'll see you later', Mr. H announced and Baratu yanked open the door.
'Im ready ooooo', as if to say Mr. H stop making a fool of yourself over this beautiful pregnant lady.
I wanted to hold her in contempt and tell her like The Just in a Nigerian court did yesterday... To Kneel Down, Hands Up And Face The Wall. But I just ignored her instead, she's just upset by the verdict and the entire audience. Me, I'm just living my life and can't be bothered.
You blame me, I'm too much jare, who has their time. Life is truly about counting your blessings. And right now, Celine and her child are blessed to be alive.
**Season 2, Episode 37**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 37, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**
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