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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Tuesday, 26 December 2017

A Christmas Apart


     Trickling Down My Face is the teardrops frozen in time as it helps me to get to a place, Where you will Never hear me quake. The rest of the world laughs and claps I just drown in what I used to have. There was a time that things worked, that a home without a generator set was possible and a home could exist minus all the unnecessary needs. But that time has long faded and the noise drowns out and hides temporarily the problems of this world.
As I state my case to my numb self, tired of trying to just try to remember the truth.
 I guess I have been pinching on the surface and scratching at the reality of my situation. As I stop and blink, fighting hard to make sure I think. The Christmas decorations didn't come up this year, not that I didn't want to put them up. I just was too numb to try to make the house look happy, this empty hell that just looks shabby. Every corner has memories, even though it's not the same house, like ghosts haunting a space they desperately want to claim. My mind is creative I have to give it that, it has conjured and fit the room from my past to fit into my new home. Sometimes I wonder and try to imagine what he will say, Henrik I mean.
As I march ahead and walk through every room in my new house, I listen and try to decipher what I heard. Or what my mind spins into reality, I'm beginning to not be able to tell the difference. I need to try to hold on to something and as I do I feel him close and start to believe I am no longer alone. I Embrac e all my faith as I climb up again and try make a head way. It's all different now because for the first time in a long time, our souls are spending A Christmas Apart....
       Last Christmas we were wrapped in each other's arm and giggling like teenagers in love. I was happy, light and in love and very much surrounded by love. This year is different, first and foremost we are all in Bala and Ajoke's house. Bala is such a sweetheart, he understands I cannot be alone and knows my mum can't stop crying. So he spared them the pain and reminder and Yes all of us are in the house. Celine, the girls, Nnoye, Idibia and Daniel Ojora.

  I am just watching everyone be themselves when I hear the sound of a baby. It's fresh and new and I just turn to the source f the sound.
  Daniel Ojora walks in and I just pause and wait, anticipating but knowing he won't be behind him. I wanted him to show up at least for a moment and Celine squeezed my hand as if she heard my prayers.
He was not alone, Opeyemi was with him and his baby. The entire house hurdled around her and I could not move.
Daniel walks up to me and side hugged me, tears fell but I quickly wiped it away and noticed he did too.
'Her name is Aramide', Opeyemi adds and hands me the baby.
She was beautiful and gorgeous and friendly, she didn't cry but grabbed my fingers and tucked herself into my chest. I cuddled her and rest into the couch.
Babies are precious and I miss mine but I believe that I will experience this precious gift soon. I'm about to cry when I hear Henrik's voice.
'Ssshhhh you will wake her'
I look for him and see Nnoye holding her prayer beads and watching me.
'Are we ever going to open our presents?'
Pierre's daughter grumbled.
Opeyemi collects Aramide who is sucking hard, 'she is hungry'
 Daniel grabbed my hand and taps it as if to say without speaking.
'You will be fine'
'Daniel, help me out', Opeyemi announced.
 Ajoke opened her mouth to protest but Celine stopped her.
'Only you will get a tree touching this your high ceiling'

  This Christmas is unique and I have not seen an indoor tree this massive. Everyone has a gift and dig in quickly but I just Smile and watch them. I am actually smiling at Henrik goofing around and asking me to guess what's in the packs still underneath the tree.
'Ade, stand up and get your presents'
 Ajoke screamed with so much joy that I had to see what was tickling her.
Bala had got her the longest stringed pearls and massive matching earrings.
She jumped on him and knocked him out of his chair. The children were all laughing at her and joined in. The twins are walking now and so look like Bala. But don't tell Ajoke that, she will frown and almost bite off your head.
Pierre's girls were a little confused and asking Celine why Ajoke was so excited and Celine answered simply.
'Its Christmas'
 I turned back to the tree but he was gone and Nnoye was looking at me funny.
'Ade, I had to give you yours', Alan adds with a tiny pack in his hand.
I thanked him and unwrap it, it's a misty minty spray and I am not sure what to do with it.
'For the itching in your cast, pop'
'Oh', honestly I had forgotten.
I try it out and it tickles and stings a little and then crawls down deep into my cast and gives a menthol feel. It was perfect and by the time I opened my eyes.
'Me too', Hassan and Hassana were screaming and shoving themselves to get sprayed.
'Is it child safe?', I asked Alan.
'Yes and there's a pack under the Christmas tree'
 I looked at Ajoke and she gave me a nod of approval and I sprayed their hands. The drama and dancing made us all laugh and Ajoke put some distance between them and my spray.
'If you disturb aunt A.... Again then it's bed time'
 Pierre's kids protest and we all scream and I hide the menthol spray from the curious kids.

  I am staring at nothing and realized that I am not alone.
'Would you consider traveling this coming new year?'
 Honestly, i didn't hear his question and I was staring at his icy eyes. It takes getting used to, as in they looked like ice cubes carved into eyes.
'Maybe a course or just a get away'
'To where?'
'The south of France'
'I can't...', it was like running away from him and our shared memories.
 In a corner, Nnoye was gossiping. I could tell because she was trying to avoid my eyes as she talked about me.
I heard church and maybe exorcists and I tended up. The foolish girl was talking to my crazy aunt or the other way round. I just know she thinks I'm crazy, am I not allowed to grieve?
'She means well', Alan says trying to calm me down.
'I knew this was a big mistake because if I was alone I can talk to him...'
 Alan followed me outside and didn't try to stop me.
'Why aren't you trying to stop me?'
'I believe in doing it all, screaming, crying or shouting'
'So I'm not crazy'
'I don't think so, but I'm not a doctor'
 The way he said it made me laugh and wipe away angry tears.
'How long are you hear for?'
'The first half of January'
'How are you coping with everything...'
'By talking to them'
'What do you say?'
'To my twins... Ssshhh. To Henrik I listen
'What does he say to you?'
 I smile and play with my fingers and try to count them.
'To stay a little longer, to hold Daniel's baby, to be happy for Celine and Nnoye, to love that Ajoke puts in so much effort to make me happy, to forgive Daniel for distancing himself from me. And to just let you talk to me and be distracted by your eyes...'
 Alan laughed.
'I see now why you are still same'
'Nnoye wants to stop this... My life line...'
'She won't, I won't let her...'

 Daniel watched him comfort me and rests on the wall behind him. He didn't know I was watching him, he had his head buried in his hands.
This Christmas is hard for all of us but we will survive it one second at a time.
'Hey, the turkey is ready', he announced.
'Lets go and dig in', I add and try to walk as if the cast was not clamped around my feet.

**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 2 Episode 91**
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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

Follow @Busola Elegbede