Hovering around the skies like a thief in this light, wondering how long before the day turns to night. I see clearly from my birds eye view, territory I lost as I merged to become you. I became your maid, your nurse, your therapist and chef and the only thank you I get is when you paint me beautiful to your friends. My family bond you broke and my close friends you chose, this leash you yank and tug around my neck. Just to control and brag to your friends and prove to yourself you can. And the little mistakes I made, lord have mercy. You sing like a hit song to crush the little smile I bim just to prove you wicked self that you can control me. The times I stood for hours, begging and pleading with you to pick a meal you want so I can cook it to perfection. As I sacrificed my own time to please you, yet you tell everyone willingly and quickly that I do not care for you. Nights of tears were plenty and nights again you taunt me, blame me for all that befalls you and scream out loud the mistakes you made by marrying me. How you should never have looked at me and how selfish I have been in all our ten years together. My sister suffers my pain because at night when you spend hours bullying me far and near and I'm all cried out from your miserable existence. She is the only person you let me talk to and all our WhatsApp conversations you printed and showed me to prove that you own me. The synchronized phone lines, the buttons you pressed and the hard way you made me depressed. Oh what a wonder that you were snatched and lifted high by this prowling creature that swooped in untamed. My ignorance and sense of security crashed with you as my boss in our uneven relationship.
Oh lord you blessed me when you didn't let me get pregnant for this beast I've been chained to for years. My painful zombie years as a slave to you now over for your wicked ways did not go unpunished because now it happened. You stressed your heart to stop and the attack was sudden and tough. So my freedom came as you died and I swear I never want to get married in this life.
I never planned to meet another and I thank God everyday that I'm not rich enough to remarry ever again. So I tolerate you, this new man and watch you pray for a miracle to make me your bride. I set up on a pedestal my wicked pride and declare to everyone that marriage will never be my portion ever again. He was convenient this new man, not rich and not demanding just safe for me.
But this morning he raced in happy and lifts me high up in the air.
I watched him break my heart with news that I could not comprehend.... Mass weddings For Widows In Medieval Times.
I heard him say it again without adding what my mind conjured up, the medieval bit and my heart broke again as he snapped at me and shouts again. He blamed me for my denial and my dreams of a marriage that exists only in the movies. I had a duty to serve and obey and birth or procreate. I really don't remember his words, all I remember saying was never again. Yes never again will I be bullied into becoming someone else and yes, I reject the offer to be part of this. I'm sure there is respect and compassion in some unions and those ones deserve to take my spot. The repercussions was brutal, to reject this gift given to me on a federal level with benefits and goodies to uplift me from poor to middle class. To them it was simple and to me it was happening all over again. So I use my God given right of making a choice and choose to say no. I am shunned and bullied by my entire community and told I am self centered that life was not mine alone to live. This time I am stronger and I promise them I will sell the meals they never appreciate to strangers. To people willing to pay a little and appreciate that I make a meal available. Not to an angry man that shouts at me and declares I failed or this raging bull mimicking my man and has replaced my new groom.
As I pack my belongings into an old wrapper and mount it on my head. The community realized I am serious and my stand is solid as a rock. On the road out of town and as a group, they beg me and accept that I can draft a contract with witnesses and even leave after. The ninety nine bride's was not enough for them. They needed the hundredth bride to join and round up the figures. So that the odd number is rounded up and no evil befalls my very interesting community. But this opportunity for thier brother would never come again.
So I take control and draft my expectations and this time they know I am not going to take any rubbish. He apologized and claimed he was pressurized into bullying me but had long shed my naiveness. I am one of the bride's to be and I am one of the bride's with some leverage. My union is not a perfect one but I will exist and be alive in this thing called marriage.
Yes, it was a surprise that arrived today. He had hand crafted everything in a friend's office on Oba Akran Ikeja and had it delivered to me the due date. Only he was not here and the twins too and the friend had travelled and did not cancel it or didn't know if ethically he could. All in all I am feeling the pale brown laminated wooden frame of this unique baby cot.
I had no clue he could make furniture and as I lean over it, I can't help but ponder on what to do.
Celine walked in and I look up at her and she drops her bag because she is in shock. She quickly picked it up and dropped it on my couch.
'Who sent this?', she was ready to fight and personally go and give the person a beating.
I could not look at her, I just give her the signed card attached to it. She covered her mouth and hugged me. I didn't cry or react, I just stand there numb and try to decide what to do.
'He made this?'
'Yes, his grandfather hand crafted furniture and still has a shop...'
I had to stop because I was about to cry and was too weak to. Today, his parents were going back to America and they were with his cousin and had gone shopping for art work. I heard them whisper as they returned from their trip and knock on the door. Inside they gasp and give me a group hug as they all start to talk at the same time.
'Henrik was going to open a museum of grand pa's best pieces. You know grandpa never forgave him for quitting'
Celine gives his cousin the note and she stopped talking.
'You didn't know', his mum adds.
I shake my head and then finally speak.
'What am I supposed to do with this now?'
The tears and outburst surprised me, I thought I was done with crying.
'Whatever you want Ade', his father reassured my crumbling self.
'Can you take it with you?', I plead with his mum and take her hands.
'You will want it...'
'Mum, I'm leaving this house that was never ours. I don't know where I'm going to, where will I keep it? At my parents? My crazy aunt will find a spiritual reason to make me get rid of it. And I will forever hate myself....'
'Ssshhhh, it's okay. We will take it with us. Don't abandon us...'
She said from nowhere, as if afraid I will forget them.
'I can't, I won't', I say hugging and rocking my mother in-law.
No one let me go with them to the airport and as the moving van prepares to take away the baby cot. I run into the house and get my phone and took a picture and uploaded it. Celine gets the Facebook notification and steps out of the guesthouse.
I do not need anyone's opinion, this is what I needed to do. Celine stands beside me and as we watch them all leave, I sighed hard and throw my throbbing head backwards.
What now?
The new place was not too far from Ajoke's house. It was cozy and much smaller but had enough security to stop unwanted visitors. Exactly the kind of peace and quiet I need and I know it was Ajoke's suggestions that prompted her husband to get a house this close.
Bala had done it all and charged it to my company account. That was a blessing and I did like that it was not free. He said his mother went through hell when his father died and she resented everyone that treated her like a helpless wounded soul and became bitter. It took years of elders and Family intervention to bring back his loving mother. And cost him his first marriage.
'Death is a horrible monster', Bala adds and hands me the keys to my new place.
'Is someone going to live in my former house?'
It was a strange question but I needed to know.
'Not until you decide what to do with your property.
I shrugged and just stared at my toes, it was Henrik that filled them last.
Nnoye raced in the to tell Ajoke something and froze when she saw me. She practically hid the magazine with her and I knew something was up.
'Did someone write something cruel?', I know how the paparazzi like to exaggerate things.
'No one important..', Nnoye adds and tries to leave quickly.
Thank God she had on four inch shoes and my floor is polished marble. She could not escape fast enough with her massive baby bump enough. And i rush and grabbed the magazine and she covered her face.
It was an open letter to me from a stupid idiot, the fool had the ordercity to use my husband's death to try to latch onto me.
Frank is the lowest fool on earth and has sunk so so low that I am speechless.
When trouble sleeps and the curious rat runs up an agitated cats whiskers, what else is supposed to happen?
**"ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 2, Episode 87**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 87, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**
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