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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Tuesday, 2 January 2018

He Jumped Off The Train Into A Million Pieces Of Pines


   So wave my scream now a sword dream killer. Make it that I am no longer a player, but a slayer of all I set out to conquer.
Stow away this strange dream of mine, now I have to scream bigger to be heard by those close to me. Slow but anyways, say it as it is I am now an achiever untangled like a snake entwined in a deep frown and mad at life. Like a thing haphazardly aiming for genius and falling short and ending up among the stars. And then I throw a tantrum that mocks all I claim to love. All I claim is me triumphantly growing and making it in this world.
So, no more vague and abstractly wishing things will fall into place. I am taking charge mentally, spiritually and physically. I will walk and talk positive from now on and March only on victory Lane. I grab my goals, all that are my goals and know that i have to sit up.
Love me and just believe because, I can't over emphasize the need to renew, review the steps taken to get to where I am right now. It is amazing I have made it this far but should I discard failed attempts at succeeding? My candid answer is not to ever do that. Every wrong step has within it lessons and seeds, if well nourished can grow and yield fruits beyond my wildest dreams. Into a timeless succulent pine, stuffed in a tiny pot and forced to assume I am small. When for a fact I will grow into this mighty force, unstoppable and resilient. A thousand years on and I am still growing, many have fallen by my side and their loss has fed and nourished me. Their lesson mine to behold and mine alone, for I used it, threw it and grew it. Until it was inevitably mine and fine with all I hold dear and fear and have inevitably conquered.
Sure, you have heard this a million times before, my story is different. The difference should be, not in your bragging rights of your pain and loss. But in my triumph and success, no matter how brief they are. Or like the pessimist says, how futile it all has to be. Faith and fate are now my sister's but not the ones I just stumbled upon, these sisters hold the hands of time as they mix my experiences in a large cauldron.
Pouring down the skies, opportunities lost and gone and shoving and poking at me until I stretch and grab at one and then two.
Wishing it was all mine is as good as me just  waiting and Watching time go by.
Wishing i could fly without fighting gravity and taking a leap and landing, Far into the sky. Even for a while...
Oh shoot, I just got on board the wrong train on my way to my spiritual awakening. I can spend all day trying to get back to town and another week trying to book a trip to the temple of my dreams. This entire trip will be wasted and there's only one thing left for me to do. He Jumped Off The Train Into A Million Pieces Of Pines, shattered and broken in places there could not be joints. The roots have dislodged and all that hold me in place all gone. I try to pick up my pieces and just lay limp there and almost lifeless like. Experts in accident management race to the tracks to stop another train from dismembering me, others in human anatomy come around. And I do the impossible and heal, I am the inevitable as I spring forth life from where the world has forgotten. I am after all, me...
  It's the first Wednesday of the year and if anyone had told me what I will be doing, I would have most likely thrown an object at them. Before today, I had a vague understanding of a kangaroo mum. One who gives a baby warm comfort when they have no mum to hold them. What do you call a baby that gives a grieving mum comfort when she not only lost her baby but two and on top of that, a loving husband. I am doing what I never imagined I would do and especially not for a man that declared all through that I should be the mother of his kids. My late husband's best friend paced outside the room as I prepare to breastfeed and calm his agitated daughter. I cleaned up my nipples and watched as her tiny hands clawed at the plump and full breasts.
'This is a horrible idea', Celine protests as she watched me.
'Clearly you have never used breast pumps before', I say in all calm as I touch the little angels face.
Celine tip toes and shuts the door and then moved in closer.
'Daniel will cling to this... You will cling to this ... Opeyemi will come back for her daughter...'
'You clearly have not had a depressed mother take care of you'
'And you have?', Celine asked with hands akimbo.
'It is an ongoing, confusing battle for her, her husband and the child. It's a mixture of mummy doesn't love me or it's my fault. They are present sometimes and absent most....'
'Ade, when your mum had it. There was no diagnosis and..'
'Now the drugs just put her in a zombie-fied state. My point is, the absence is not good for anyone and to have a godmother, present'
'You are her godmother?'
'One of the few billions that can say, she had my breast milk'
  I laughed at my own joke, I don't think I have laughed since the accident.
'I think you all need psychological help'
'Definitely, I have issues from my childhood... Issues from relationships and now a child is in my arms'
'She is not yours'
'Who says so? I have not seen Henrik since I started rocking her to sleep and...'
'Are you going to move in with Daniel?'
'Of course not'
 My rage resurfaced and Angelina started to cry and I have Celine an evil look.
'Daniel won't just give you his baby'
'Until she says no, we are a ith each other', I tell my angel.
 Ajoke quietly enters and then watched us bond and the child fest and then fall asleep.
'Bala and I agree you should stay here'
 The room was quiet and I am irritated by how these two are hovering over me.
'Ade?', Ajoke asked as my eyes didn't leave my little angel. I tuck her into the crib Ajoke's twins had once shared.
And I signal to the two of them to join me outside.
'She is asleep and resting. I accept and know very much that she is not mine, she is Daniel's. You came to me and I helped, I am very much aware that Opeyemi can walk in any time...'
 The door bell rings and my heart sinks down to my liver. She can't want her child now, what will I do?
Ajoke goes to answer it and not one of us said a word. Ajoke comes back in with diapers high up in her arms and covering her face. Daniel grabbed all from her and I walk away quietly.
Alone in the bathroom I rest palms flat for on the marble walls and tried to breathe. My heart was racing fast and I do don't know I was that scared of losing her.
  I hope this isn't a bad idea....

    I hear him crunching on some raw carrots and smile and then he stops chewing.
'I thought I was alone', Alan was sweet like that.
'I don't it too'
'Its disgusting'
 I shake my head.
'I've lost good women because of it'
 I just searched the fridge for some yogurts.
'They are up there', Alan helps me get the pack of yogurt.
'How did you know?'
'We are the only two... that like unsweetened yogurt's
'Ah', I add briefly and devour the yogurt.
'i think it's brave, what you are doing'
'I think it's brave of her that she accepted nine'
'If she didn't then something is wrong, babies can tell like that'
'You want to go out?'
 I shake my head.
'If you do, I'm here for you'
 I swear to God who made me, I did not hear what he was saying. Those scary icy eyes seemed unreal.
'You will get used to them'
'My eyes I mean'
'Im sorry I did not mean to stare'
'Kids ask what's wrong with them'
'Really, so it's rare?'
'Its unique', he adds taking a yogurt.
'Even in your family?'
'My dad took my DNA and tested it, claimed our blood line didn't have it'
 I was silent, not sure he wanted to talk more about it. And he leaned back and licked his spoon quickly.
'Turns out I am his... And my mum's'
'You didn't resent him for it?'
'He framed the result and put it next to our family pictures'
 I shake my head.
'Turns out, I was the cruel joke they used to try to crush my dad and his crazy model wife's image. He milked it every chance he got'
'That's crazy'
'I have many crazy stories and even my grandfather redid the test to be sure'
'No way'
'So there are two DNA tests with our family picture between'
'That's so cool'
'No, kids joked about it and I got into fights because of it. I only stopped when I caught my parents fight over it'
'They did'
'She wanted it off her wall, but he refused saying he too grew up unsure of his family. A blood test levels he was by all those painful years he lost, he will never find'
'Wow, that's intense'
'And your grandfather?'
'Seven wives twenty eight children that we know of'
'That's crazier than mine'
'The years we all were united, hold Precious memories to me. Others are times we missed opportunities to do more, be more... Especially as Aboriginal family members'
'Its not too late...'
'Yes, if we can create time to unite and actually get our projects going'
'One day at a time...'
'Exactly', I add and nod my head.

  Everything is perfect and I go to the room to check up on my little angel.
She is there alright, but in the arms at f and he last person I want to see.....

**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 2 Episode 93**
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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

Follow @Busola Elegbede