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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Friday, 26 January 2018

Minus Me

      I guess I imagined how today would turn up, I mean that I imagined it would turn out differently. As in, the last time I felt like this. I wanted to move to Siberian and for one reason only. The weather drops to minus thirty degrees. There you don't have the luxury of picking out stilettos or fancy suede boots, you only have to be practical. The shoes on your feet are for threading down at least twenty inches of snow and your clothes have to keep you warm. I would imagine also that time wasting did not exist and every moment counts. That's where I want to be today and yesterday I wanted to be in Hawaii, not around the hotels and resorts, no. Around the sea waves and endless beach sand with no house in the horizon. My mind, body and soul needs space and I am not getting it. So my creative mind is conjuring all sorts of possible ways to escape this cluster phobia and crowded emptiness. I need to be that girl walking away from a forgotten shore in a secluded place, far from everyone. Right now I am tired and I want to sleep, do you know that I know I am asleep. I am tired in my dreams and keep searching for a bed and I can't find one. Instead I am in sky high shoes I swore I would never again wear, in a micro gown that has taken all of me not to pull it down. And I see a crowd of people waving at me and beconing me to join them. As I start to walk towards the crowd, my shoes sink into snow and I panic.
Steady, a familiar voice says and my heart skips and I start to panic.
You are in good hands, just don't stop walking.
That sound made me smile and I squeezed his hand and look at my feet. I have on thick winter boots, knee high and my winter jacket resembled an Eskimo jacket.
As he helps me up to the platform, it changes again and this time it's a warm lagoon front. The local hand made boats are painted bright blue and green and I smiled because he thrust me high enough to see the beauty of it all. I pull all his weight and help him up on the platform and we walk side by side away from the waters. I could hear my voice in the distance and knew I would leave him soon. So I rest my head in his warm shoulders and try to let our warm embrace linger on forever.
I miss you....
   The sharp sound of her voice angered and irritated me at the same time. I shield my eyes from the blinding sun and shivered at the same time at the cold temperature in the room. The air conditioning units were set so cold, I knew it was Celine's job.
'Ade, meet my baby', the sound of Nnoye's voice scared me.
 Only because I knew the camera crew were tailing and filming her and by default, me.
'Hey',. I say trying to keep my eyes open as I collect Nnoye's baby.
'Isnt he adorable?'
 I stare at his face and try  find a resemblance to Daniel and there was none, then I searched for Idibia's features. It was not nice of me to do, but do you blame me?
Our friendship has weathered the storm and I think like all ships, it was retiring.
  This time for good and the proof is in the way and manner I am looking at this child. It is the first baby I have carried and did not instantly fall in love with it. The other baby I did not care for was one I was forced to carry during my teenage years. Sixteen to be exact, I was sneaking off to a party. Which I coded from my parents, to them it was just a plain normal visit to a family friend on the street. In truth it was an outing with my school mother's cool younger brother. He gave me my first kiss the last time we were all out together, a good bye peck on the lips. And I was anxious to dance and prove I was not the naive little girl he suspects I was. Trust my nosy aunt to come over and insist I baby sit, in my Patra top. The same white one she had in her 'worker man' video. The PG version of course, that's not the point.
 I remember that exactly moment because I was told I'm a woman and expected to cater to babies. You don't shove a baby into anyone's arms, ever. You prepare them, get them calm and then gently place the little gift in their arms.
 I was still sleepy and didn't get the same wobbly baby in my arms. Instead I get a strong baby with firm bones, wailing like we could not hear him.
Is it me, or are babies born these days fully formed and firm. Almost like they are already three months old, or look like they are.
 Ajoke tried to carry the child and smack, Nnoye slapped her hands off. She was too shocked to retaliate and then she looked straight at the filming crew.
That sound woke me up and I cupped my arms to hold this child.
'Isnt he Precious', Nnoye adds and takes a selfie of all three of us.
 I was about to speak, when she raced out of the room to receive a call.
I signal to the crew and they follow her with a boom mic. I then hand the baby to Ajoke and start to pace the room.
'Ssshhhh', she whispered and I massaged my forehead.
 Nnoye returned, looking upset and a little confused.
'Daniel is here and wants us to go home', Nnoye adds.
 She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door.
'Lets go...'
 Hell no, I am not going to be sucked into this wormhole. This annoying permanent auntie role, hoping something comes out of it. So I yank my hand away from her and grabbed Ajokes, I squeezed so thought that she almost kneels.
Nnoye grabbed her baby from her.
'Sorry, it's my fracture... Since I drove it's been invoking these sharp pains'
'You can...'
 Before she could say anymore, I squirt out tears and hop into my couch.
'Alright dear, Ajoke please take care of her', she blows air kisses and leaves.
 I didn't do anything until I hear their car drive away and the film crew van follow.
'Ade, we need to get you to the hospital'
'Ajoke, there's nothing wrong with me'
'But Ade, I saw real tears'
'Pain from her waking me up from a beautiful dream'
'You are lying', Ajoke squeezed my upper arm in disbelief.
'Did you get me the ice cream?'
'Your favorite, with Bailey's Irish cream'
'Your bowls', I ask and Ajoke still in shock hands me the cup like bowls.
'To the future', I raised my glass and she too did the same.
'To new beginnings', Ajoke adds laughing and sliding off my long couch. Slowly, until she lands on the soft rug beneath us.
'Babe, you won't kill me. Kai'
'Abeg I can't deal, as if I was there when they were making the babies'
'Seriously, did you tell Daniel not to come into your home? Because...'
'Ajoke, I simply told him I needed space. And he should deal with his family issues... Minus me'
'In those same words?'
'I was not this nice, Nnoye really hurt me with those lies she threw at me in the hospital'
'Does she know?'
'Ajoke, she is not as naive as she likes to act'
'I never bought into it, you know'
'You never mince words, I on the other hand tries too hard to play Mrs. Nice. It does not work'
 Hassana and Hussein walk in rubbing their sleepy eyes and glued themselves to Ajoke.
'Hey, you two are awake'
'Ice kim', Hassana announced.
'Not Auntie Ades' she has put bitter orogbo inside', Ajoke discouraged the twins from trying to taste mine.
 It worked because the twins squeezed their faces. Ajoke scoops fresh ice cream for them and I just let the Irish cream melt in my mouth. It was as if I was tasting Bailey's Irish cream for the first time all over again.

  My breast milk was gone, dried up and I was no longer on strong antibiotics. I was back to me, back to single me. Back to that girl in the corner, dreaming big and wishing. Only now that I have tasted real unadulterated love, it was going to be impossible to get back that feeling.

  I shut my eyes and wait for him to comfort me again, to be with him once more. My Henrik and our twins...
'Ade', Ajoke screamed at me and I snapped out of it.
'This has gone far enough...'
'You need to stop and I mean it'
  Her rage scared the twins, her twins she could love and hold. And mine I could behold in dreams...
'You need to accept that we love you...'
  I asked the question, knowing the answer. I think I always knew it would happen, but not this soon.

  Here we go again....

**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 2 Episode 100**
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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

Follow @Busola Elegbede