Swing Higher Than Anyone Imagines, run faster even if no one is looking. Just stretch and reach and don't drown even as they preach. It's time we see your dream materialize, she says with rage in her eyes. It's not like I'm on my bed, waiting for something to happen. I think and act and create and try and fight to be heard all the time. This world I create, I do with so much grace. As I erase all the words that try to label my hard work as failed gains.
You may not see where I am going, but I see it clear and inch so near to making it happen. Every triumph and trial I accept with much vigor as I continue to just push on. You say my deadline is this year and I say my spent time is every new second. I am not in competition with you, I am only out to build my world anew.
So yes, ask me again why I hesitate to take what you give. I have done as you said and like I have said. I just can't wait for how you want me to be to be. Why press play on a life I don't want, I've seen that way and it doesn't appeal to me. I can't stop running towards what I want, so Why shout at me?
I can't hear you speak, so don't bother shouting at me. Why run away, is it because you think I can't move again. Move in the direction of my dreams, when my life isn't about yours. Every day, I tell myself to Smile, Even For A While. For I know, It will go a million mile. Take me back to that unstoppable me, to that time the world was mine to conquer. I let go and just shined, knowing I could just fly high up above my dreams. Like the Kite last night, spreading her beautiful spotted tail as an endless blue sky. Soaked in the sweat nectar of yellow flowers at a very pregnant seashore.
But the fear of her coming grips me and I hold on to the baby in my arms. I am afraid of what I will do if my arms are empty. If this beautiful baby is no longer in my arms and if her mother takes her away from me.
My rapid heartbeat scares Angel and she twitched and let out a little cry. I rock her gently and say.
'Mummy is here darling, it's okay'
I have said the words before I realized what the words were. I have called a child that isn't mine and she is clinging onto me.
Nnoye walked up to me and sits beside me and pats me on my back.
'Ade, please...'
'I know ah', I snapped at her.
Then I rock the baby and add.
'I know I just feel like she's such a gift and I will be there for her no matter what'
There was an awkward silence and then Nnoye sighed long and hard.
'So, Idibia did not try...'
It was her way of trying to get me up to date with her life.
'What happened?'
I asked and put Angel in a crib that reminded me of the one Henrik hand crafted. The wood looks like it was cut from a similar tree and I could not help but wonder if I had been hasty in sending it back to his parents in America.
I tucked the baby in and then touched the wood, it felt like he was behind me and watching me and I expected him to hug me.
Instead, Nnoye touched me with so much force that I flinched.
'What is it? Ade no fear me ooo'
'How?', I add a little peeved by her statement.
'See eh, me I have told your Aunt to come and pray and...'
'Let her come', I was not worried or moved by it. She is free to do whatever she wants and I don't care.
'You see him, don't you?', Nnoye asked searching the room for who? I have no idea, as if Henrik will show up and talk to her with that attitude.
'Nnoye you won't change, as long as we shared all that love together... I will always talk to him and remember him, you or anyone can't change that.
The room became Quiet again and then I drag her aside.
'What did Idibia do?'
'What didn't he do?'
'The same Idibia?'
'No his twin brother, Idibia has a live in girlfriend'
I did not say anything and i just hold her hand.
'... He said after all that I am pregnant with another man's child. Didn't he see me finish before we started dating?'
'Just try and relax', I say and see her baby spin inside her stomach.
'Do you know how I found out?'
'Tell me', it sounds like it will be interesting.
'I wanted to surprise him, so I went over to his house with the film crew'
She was wiping away tears and trying to stay calm.
'...And the stupid bitch opened the door'
I just stare at her and then quickly looked back at the sleeping baby.
'She had the guts to pretend like she didn't know who I was and I too played my part'
Nnoye clapped her hands dramatically and then curved her mouth downwards.
'I insisted I see him, the unserious man tried to dodge me... NA today'
'Eh hehn', I say and shake my head.
'I waited until he came out, ask me what he said'
'No clue..'
'What are you doing hia? Stupid question'
'For real, but you have been to his house before'
'We went togetherrrrrr', she dragged her words like a village girl.
'True'
'The drama plenty, we didn't fight oooo. But the grammar we spoke eh. The English eh, you have to sit and hear us talk. Ade you must watch this Episode of my reality show ooo'
I nod my head and agree and prepare to watch, when the door bell rings.
This Ajoke's house is hot cake, many visitors are here today.
I go to the door a little upbeat and I'm about to cheer and clap, expecting Idibia to show up. Instead a sad looking Daniel opens the door. And I get worried.
Behind I see her and my heart sinks, Opeyemi is here for her baby...
**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 2 Episode 93**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 93, COPYRIGHT 2018*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2018**
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