The roses are standing Tall This February, I will not let anything make me fall. I believe I heard the call, to do more and say more even though less is happening. The blossoms spread their cheer, waiting for smiles you all will share. Yet the flaming hot reality of the fumes filled streets, with toxic hawkers hugging five litre kegs of the scarce commodity called fuel. No longer shall we frown alone at the 'ember' months, the last three that signify a sharp rise in costs of goods. A new month has been added to the month of strain. This Valentine's Day didn't come to spread hope but to revive scarcity. This irony called life is moving forward and I just can't wait to play my part, one day sooner than I hope. You need to feel how fast my heart is racing, afraid that this gloomy mood is infecting me. But just as sad realities hit, so does a gentle warm embrace awaken the desire for better things to come.
This Valentine's Day may be the first since I was aware of its existence, the first time I am not preparing for anything. It's also the first time I am not expecting anything, I'm not even baking and guess what?
It's fine, every day does not have to be all glamorous and happy. For me it's a day for sober reflection, not because of any religious attachment. But because it's the first time I will be all alone.
The fresh cool winds sting my skin and cool it rapidly, bringing with it the collective aroma of the red potted roses I planned to take with me to America. That dream has long died, along with the family I felt for a brief moment. I touch my belly and miss the twins kicking inside me and Henrik's kind hands feeling them.
I shut my eyes and feel the heavy balls of tears, race down my face.
Valentine's Day can be brutal, I hope I make it through today....
As I shake off my flaws, gone from the tips of my eager paws. I just stare and pray for something, anything.
I can't believe that ADE'S JOURNAL is three years olds now, today. How long and how far away from me, this first entry feels and reads. I smile at the title and shake my head. I was slithering away from a sly situation alright, right into a grown and more independent me.
Back to today... This present day, I am exhausted from making my white angelic outfit, Celine said it looks like a bridal wear. I just wanted something adorable and free. A hybrid jumpsuit and playsuit, a mix of comfort and class and I am happy that Ajoke and Celine agree I was spot on.
As I take off my fashion designer gloves, I become a tourist and bask in the cool jacuzzi bubbling with foam and natural oils. I need to relax if I want to be around happy people. It works and after I cool off, I dress up and apply natural make up.
Isn't the term funny? Natural make up. I want to stay clear of foundation, so I stick to loose powder. I am dressed and ready and I slip into platforms with ridged edge soles, perfect for the beach.
A soft knock on my door and I grab my beach hat and bag, I almost forget my phone but grab them both. I pause and search for Henrik and whisper, 'I'll be back'
Outside, my heart skips. I almost say Henrik. But these icy eyes are far from my Henrik's blue eyes. Alan looks good and paused to admire me in my outfit.
In his arms are blue roses. I didn't even think to get him anything.
'Thanks they are lovely', I say taking in the sweet smell.
I grab a tall vase and pour water in them and arrange the roses in them. Henrik bought me the vase and I miss him like crazy. I think I am staring at nothing for too long and I snapped out of it.
'He bought me the vase, to keep my flowers alive. The ones he bought for me'
I was trying to explain myself when Alan shakes his head.
'No need', he adds and shuts the tap running and spilling water from the full vase.
'Its alright to miss him, do you still want to go?'
'Better than been home alone'
We both walk out of my house, not yet a home. That's if it will ever be.
Alpha beach was beautiful, the waves were angry and we were both exhaust and hot. The delicious aroma of grilled ram meat revamped my mood and body. And the generous laughter and correct direction by merry makers to our party crew all in white, made it more fun. To see them all in white and posing on a rock for the professional photographer made it all even more beautiful.
I see him on the rock, signalling to me to join them. Henrik and all his charm and I look at Alan.
'You heard them, let's join in the fun'
Of course he didn't see Henrik but I did, he is with me and in my head. Reassuring me that everything's going to be alright.
The salty sea breeze blew moist cold winds and beach shore to my hot face.
'Say happy Valentine's Day Everyone', the photographer announced.
I stare into the lens and shout.
'Happy Valentine's Day', and as I stop I hear them all add the word Everyone.
It was funny and I laughed and Alan side hugged me. It was like I had been running and exhausted and I rest my head on his shoulders.
The bright camera flash lights made me raise my head and then we all March to the barbecue.
I
Today is a good day...
**"ADE'S JOURNAL" Season 3 Episode 1**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 1, COPYRIGHT 2017*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2017**
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