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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Friday, 30 March 2018

The Effortless Smile I Miss My Face Making


   Inside a dug funnel dry sandy pebbles hole, I peep and shift as I move backwards and lift soil from the home I am trying to make. Yes, I must see it in my mind as I hold on to a dream, leading me into an endless bliss. The bright sun shining is a reflection of how I feel and as the earth trembles, I hope that a prey is nearby. So I lift tge soil and make my unsuspecting home bigger. My body is out of the hole, too sure the that anything that curiosity drags to my dibble foundation would be a delicious treat. Such lies I tell myself, for as I lie and wait, buried deep beneath the sand. I breathe slowly and my oval body barely moves and my awkward limbs stay hidden. I have mimicked that which will feed me, my skin blends well into the sand. A delicious succulent, rich meal crawls onto my foundation and starts to fall into my abyss. The more it struggles the further down it comes and straight into my anxious jaws. The rich succulent nutrients sip into my throat as I swallow and feed on the stray insect. Oh it pays to be good at what you do and to hone your skills and watch it feed you.
Way back, I was ashamed of Wherever you may want go, I told myself, that I would like to be somewhere else. I don't mind the scorching heat or my hungry throat, closing and clamping down hard, filling me and just feeding my hunger me. All I want is to be quench my thirst and fill my belly. And this one insect will not do, so here we go again....
  This isnt happening to me? All the noise and running, all around me made me want to scream. I rock myself and know that I am afraid I have lost all that cradles me and brings me joy. Even a phone call or a visit isn't fun anymore, it's all noise, complains and people grasping at me and taking. No sincere questions, all are calculated and aimed at sucking the little blood I have left.

    Life is such an annoying spiral seashore with all I want far deep into the sea.

   One minute, you are worried about trivial things, like your past relationships in the news, or a friends betrayal. All now meaningless. What matters is life and the Precious gift of surviving and the effortless smile I miss my face making.

  The knock outside is escalating the growing migraine in my forehead. And I'm too tired to want to move or take any supplements.
This Easter is the worst ive had in a long time, I am not baking, no friends over and no plans for anything sweet. I did fast this week but that's the most I've done.
I really do not want to do anything, I feel betrayed and used by all the people I feel close to and don't even want to hear from anyone. It's depression, I know. I've had every one around me experience it. But I am not going to fight it, not today. I want it all to sink in, the disappointment, the selfish friends, everything.
I have had my phone off most of today and did not even check Facebook. The only reason I did not leave Facebook is because of my groups and page. It would send a signal that I have totally given up. And I haven't, not yet. I have this battle to fight and win and then rise again.
 Good luck to me, I can't even believe I'm talking about luck. That's how placid I am right now.
 My phone rings and I put it off, honestly I need a holiday away from familiar faces.
A text comes up and it's my brother, my mum's sister is in town and we are going to have a party.
The former Ade, would have been excited. No, now I'm just bland. I need things to happen now and I do hate myt for letting me be distracted by people without goals.
I have delayed my pitch meeting for too long and I need it to hapoeh within a week.
 I have to raise funds to get this business plan going and to stop watching the folder stay by my bedside for five years now.

  I will try to put a smile on my face tomorrow and wake up Positive.
A smooth smile plays on my eager face and I feel the tense muscles relax and spread.

  May this week end well and a new fruitful week begin as soon as possible. Thank you hope for walking back into my life.
I still will leave the phone off, for now. But tomorrow which is already one hour in, welcome with every possible possibilities.
I'm all arms . 

**"ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 3, Episode 14, COPYRIGHT 2018*
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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

Follow @Busola Elegbede