Odd and Even are my chances, as I struggle to change my situation. Cold is the air I breathe in, as I try to warm my feet with wool socks clinging flimsy onto my skinny freezing feet. The tips of my toes cringe and coil as I feel a layer of cold clouds, cluster and blow cooler air on the lonely pair. The rest of me is curvy and a little warm and I just stare and try to re-strategize my next move in my crazy lonesome life.
I have raised funds, written the business plans executed and failed so many times at it, that right now I can tell when it's all falling apart. It's time again to press reset and as I do, I stare at all my plans and prick and pick at what works and try to improve on what doesn't. My circle of influence has changed and I have this need to delete all the irrelevant phone numbers on my phone. And everytime I am about to, I pause and change my mind. Why? I have no clue, but today it all changes. I need to be as sincere as I can be, this is the day it all changes. Not maybe tomorrow or next but this very day...
I am expecting Ajoke, she just had a party for her mother in-law's Family and there is a lot of gist waiting. I March to the front door and unlock the bolt but I still leave the door locked, after all she sent a WhatsApp message she would try to wiggle out of the surprise guest she has. I just remind her to take her key, I would be on the phone with my sister Ola.
I miss talking to her and lately her work has her so preoccupied that we don't chat as we used to. It's refreshing to hear her talk about how the little things her husband does drives her nuts. And then she awkwardly stops Because she is afraid it will bring me memories of my late husband.
'Ola, it's fine. I miss Henrik but life goes on and I actually look forward to our chit Chats'
'So Daniel's, my little sister says and sighs aloud.
'Is impossible, the kind of man you date when you have given up on love...'
I say and chuckle and spin around and freeze, Daniel was with Ajoke and heard me bad mouth him to my sister.
I apologise and tell her I will call her back and run after Daniel who is visibly upset.
'Daniel wait'
I didn't even remember to put on shoes and walk on the cold prickly gravel and catch him before he opened the door of his car.
'You know how hard it is for me to open up, to find true friends. I will always be that man people fantasize will be a well packaged husband, a baby making machine. Do you know how hard that is, I want what you and Henrik have, I want...'
He was frustrated and angry and I hug him in my oversized Henrik's sweat shirt.
'I am sorry, it was a cruel joke', I add patting his back.
Daniel pulls away and stares at my face with such Innocence, such longing and as he closes in to kiss me...
'Ola is calling you again',Ajoke adds a little irritated by how I was in Daniel's arms.
I start to walk away and he pulled me back and hands me a basket of small chops.
'Samosa, spring rolls and peppered chicken... Thanks'
I say and start to fill the gravel poke at my feet through socks getting wet. On tip toes, I walk back into my house.
'Come in, before the mosquitoes step in'
I take the phone from Ajoke and answer it and whisper that he heard and promise to call her back.
'So this is you', Daniel adds admiring my humble abode.
'Yes, shut the door', I squeal.
'No ice cream'
'None, Daniel please get the ice cream. In the car'
With him gone temporarily, Ajoke squeezed my arm and it hurt a lot.
'Stop'
'Why would you let him try to kiss you?'
'You brought him to my house'
'I didn't plan to'
'You know, sometimes I think you two would end up together and it scares me'
'Our ancestors won't let it happen'
'Amin oooo', Ajoke says and races to the door to grab the ice cream from Daniel.
'Where are the ice cream bowls?'
'Behind you'
He opened the cupboard and helps us dish the ice cream and pours a generous amount of Bailey's on mine.
'I didn't know I still had that'
'Its a new bottle, I know how you love Bailey's Irish cream'
Ajoke rolled her eyes so much I choked on the delicious treat.
'Let me take you two out'
'My boys miss weekends with mummy', Ajoke grumbled.
'Lets let Ade get ready and all go to my boat'
I was relishing in the attention and gesture when Ajoke ruined it with....
'... And Angel and Junior?'
'With grandma and they will join us to.. if Ade agrees'
'Better than a day indoors'
I have this brown Lycra jumpsuit I made with lace cowl neck and satin lining, it will be perfect for today.
I shower singing and happy and as I dress up, I stare at Henrik's sweat shirt and try not to be sad. And then I squat and pull out a metal trunk, inside are baby clothes for my twins and as I stare at them I hug them and feel a heart ache rise from my chest.
I didn't get to hold them and cuddle them, just my now absent baby bump.
I am frozen and can't move and didn't hear Ajoke come in.
'Oh Ade', she says and side hugs me.
'i didn't give them away'
'Its okay'
'Is it wrong that I want babies now?'
'No, but you know Daniel wants all of you. Not just to be the father of your kids'
'But he is father to Nnoye's baby'
'She wants him'
I wipe my running nose with Henrik's handkerchief.
'I am so alone'
'Not for Long'
'Forever?'
'Of course not, just give it time'
I sigh and rest my head on her shoulder.
'Should I get rid of the trunk?'
'When you are ready... You know my mum never got rid of my sister's clothes'
'Big sister?'
'Yep and it got creepy and scary fast'
'For how long?'
'She was twelve years older, so it's almost fifty years now'
'I won't keep it for that Long', I said chuckling.
'You still want to go out?'
'Of course'
Dressed and in comfortable shoes, Daniel smiled. He knew I was crying but didn't press or ask questions. And I appreciate that he didn't ask but the way he took my hand and helped me into his car made me feel cherished at least for a bit.
Seeing Mrs Ojora made me feel at ease and the babies liked and reached out for me. The boat mood was perfect and watching the sun set, made me calm down and just relax. I caught Daniel's mum smiling at her son as he stared at me and I could tell she still wanted her dream to come true.
I on the other hand just curled up and shut my eyes and as I started to sleep, Angel crazed to me and tapped me. While Hassan and Hussein climbed me as if I was not there.
I smiled and lift Angel high in the air and Daniel's ones me in making this moment memorable. I heard the camera shutters sound and then watched Mrs. Ojora upload the pictures.
I refuse to think about what happens next, what matters is what happens now...
**"ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 3, Episode 43**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 43, COPYRIGHT 2018*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2018**
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