Listen carefully as she speaks, brainwashed and clueless of the conspiracy to make her weak. I do not claim to be innocent, neither did I say I did not do wrong. From my cluster of friends, I am the last one standing and as this acquaintance talks and touches the man I hold dear. I can not help but be suspicious of her intentions. Little did I know that she was the only genuine one around me and as she touched me too on my forehand, I changed my mind and just assumed she was just one of those who talk a d touch people.
I have been at the edge of waters, spiralling endlessly into an abyss. But never did I imagine that my love would push me deep into the dark crystal core. The violence crept up my spine, a word at a time. It starts with harsh condemnation for my strong willed friends and a total ban on the divorced ones. Even though the violence meant they could have died, he insists that heaven would not accept her and made me swear I will never end up like them. Then he barred me from our bedroom and accused me of having an affair. I cried and begged, which became my life for the next four years. Pleading always, so that he can tell me what I did wrong and that was the beginning of the end. He was utterly disgusted any time he laid eyes on me and then he starts with my weight. The weight I maintained and even lost, since the time we first met. Ten kilograms lighter and to him, I'm now too skinny. No hip or butt for him to hold and somehow he thinks I'm a man. My reproductive organs beg to differ, i say daring his royal royal highness. Slaps and punches, shocked and shame silenced me. I was now one of those pathetic women that did not see the sign...
Which signs, this psychopath did a 360 on me. When I accepted my daily dose of beating, he moves to my hair. I spend too much time on it and can't find any for him. Besides, I am too artificial for him to be seen in public with him. So he bans me from touching my hair with chemicals, a transition that chops off most of my hair. The short hair cut was a warm welcome and natural hair maintenance in Nigeria was at a premium. I enjoyed every bit of it and start to teach and coach ladies in the transition. He laughs at how plain I look now and how no one could ever love me. This monster I had a child for, and for the final time I dared protest and found myself staring at the ceiling, with broken wood in my ribs. Somehow I was hit and slammed into the oak central dining table. This artifact passed to me from my great great grandfather mother. As I drove myself to the hospital, it gets more difficult to breathe and I just shut my eyes and accept that this is how I leave this cruel world. Then I wake up to kindness and hope and a rehabilitation of my body and mind. The doctor that finds me in the car and saves my life and help me out of the chronic depression I had failed to hide. I fell hard for him and did the impossible and because divorce would not let me enter heaven, I damned the consequences and did the unthinkable. The affair fed my soul and grew my world. My hair thrived in its natural state and I was complete, if only I could leave the beast at home. His blows did not affect me and his words had no meaning and then he asked for lunch. I was not interested but thought to myself, he is the father of my child. So I eat, it tastes funny and a thought crept up my mind, did he poison me? He made an excuse and told me he had to go and I immediately called the doctor. Luckily, he was already on his way. My eyes could not see clearly and I typed on my phone, starting to accuse him. My bladder gave up first and then my nerves, knives sliced at my skin and the last thing I heard was his laughter. I Am Lost But Know You Will Protect Me....
'What do you think?', Nnoye asks a little irritated by the news.
I flick open my tired eyes and stare at Nnoye and her light skinned friend in sea green eye shadow and a matching gown that looked to me like a surfboard.
'No wonder', I add and stretch.
'you slept with your eyes open', Nnoye did not sound nice.
'Of course not', I protest.
'Your friend is weird', Caro adds laughing.
'You are the weird one, telling me about your abused friend, who you all bullied into staying married to someone who broke her lungs. And then blame her for having an affair with the doctor that saved her life. On top of that, the husband poisoned her and kidnapped her and then dumped her in his far off village, as the town idiot and errand girl'
I was panting and pointing and angry at her and her kind.
'She was an adulterer'
'and he wasn't?'
'Divorce is wrong'
'And adultery isn't?'
'They can abstain'
'And what if I can't abstain or be celebrate, what do I do? Be miserable for the rest of my life'
'your husband died, you can remarry'
This Caro was cruel and unwell, I inhale and then point at Nnoye.
'What about your friend?'
'She must marry the man she had a baby with'
'And if he would never marry her?'
'Then she must change her church'
'Wow, thank God I don't have to live my life according to your standard'
Nnoye had not said anything before now, she covered her face and opened her mouth but said nothing.
'Caro, life is not like that. And if you care about someone, you fight and empower them'
This was one of those times I respect Nnoye, she did not let her friend dictate her life.
How many of us, have the guts to stand up to bullying and bullies?
**"ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 3, Episode 48**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 48, COPYRIGHT 2018*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2018**
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