A Crescent Moon shines tonight, ignoring that I have used all my might. Fluttering birds whisper in the night, clashing with sounds of mechanical and electrical engines supplying my humble flat with power. Across my open curtains overlooking a round large moon is the mosquito net, shielding me from the hungry mosquitos outside. I watch a lone butterfly take flight and dance outside across my window frame, like a painting caught in a moment. Fewer are these flying creatures that have been truncated by disappearing flowers, too expensive to maintain so we just get and plant flowerless plants. The bees no longer hoover over the ripe mangoes because no nectar around means they have no means to make honey.
So, slowly Lagos dies with less blossoms thriving here and yet we do not notice.
I do but I’ve been done nothing up until today, today I not only planted aloe vera but also hibiscus plants. It’s not enough for it to be green, it must and should also blossom.
The silver hues from the moon soothes me and I smile at her as if we were reminiscing about the past.
Just a way of swaying my dim moments as our unspoken conversation sips in through. The winds blows the curtains hanging in the corners out and free and over my windows. I shut my eyes and then peep a little from my curled up position waiting. I know exactly what I want and this time, I am going for it. Every time I proclaim that no longer will I wait in vain for a dream that never seems to happens, reality quickly crushed all incentives. Right now, I want it to make a way.
Nothing will crunch on my dreams as they take sprout wings and I take flight, even if the impact is felt like only a dew drop.
I'll share the nectar of my resilient self with you soon, life is indeed amazing.
I'll no longer wait until I'm strong enough to fight, I take action now.
For now i'll nibble silently and bite, I hear her spreading her wings.
Another beautiful morning is here again with a clash and cluster of early rising birds competing to conquer this Sunday morning. They are up before the church bells and mosque call to prayer and I have been up longer. This recurring zeal of mine I call hope that rocks my boat and keeps me awake. The feeling of missing my many targets and yet I know that I still have that burning desire to achieve even bigger dreams. It’s like failure opens the curtains of possibilities and this endless need to carve my name up in history.
I have given the firm I consulted on a deadline and they have failed to honour or respond to any of my ultimatums. A strong reminder of the reason why sentiments do not work in the world of business and why charging an upfront for doing the work research is paramount in the world of business. An old friend recommended this job and even though I know it was doomed from the start, I invest the little savings I have and take a huge risk. I even forego the upfront that incentive that makes firms commit and bare part of he risks. And the result is that the body of work I invested time and money into, lies fallow like a fertile ground waiting to be dug up and never used to feed the many. It is abandoned and forgotten like most projects today, ironically this disappointment wakes up that part of me that wants to contribute so much more to society. That part that wants to see more involvement in society by me and my female colleagues, while recognizing the endless hard work my female queens contribute day in day out to society. I want to do more and I feel like I have been here before, such is life. To revisit a dream, a will to survive and to try again and this is why my new deadline has moved yet again to December. And my business pitching ventures and engagement has increased to outside my comfort zone. I am applying again the law of probability and averages that says the more you try different new things the more your probability of succeeding at your task increases.
So here I go again, my account depleted and my insomnia back again.
I get up, quickly shower and listen to a lone chick call out to a mother that has long abandoned her daughter. The hen echoes at dawn the sound of new life as she finds a new spot to lay her egg that is eager to enter this harsh new world. Ravens circle and gather on my roof top and plan their next coup, just as a strange loud bird cries out and flies past. I do not recognize all bird sounds, but I do know how they look. The crested blackish purple bird that likes coconut trees is the size of the Raven that disturbs my morning. I revisit my plans and listen to one of my mentors, Brian Tracy. His ‘Luck Factor’s series reminds me to use failure as a stepping stone and learning curve. To learn from my mistakes and try a new way of achieving my goals by taking control of my life, changing the way I think and improving my time management skills.
My houses feels too comfortable right now and as I affirm and reassure myself that I will do better, take more action and embark on projects with better emotional intelligence. That kind of project is over, the one based on sentiment’s. More than that, I stare at the project and list at least ten advantages of doing the project. That puts a smile on my face and I imagine myself at the shore of success and know where I need to be.
My office is quiet today and I am early to work, I will strategize and revamp my goals and make my top ten list of priorities.
I will believe the one phrase I have created and coined up myself…
‘Believe It’s Possible, It’s Possible Believe'
**ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 3, Episode 70**
*"ADE'S JOURNAL", 70, COPYRIGHT 2018*
**BUSOLA ELEGBEDE, COPYRIGHT 2018**
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