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Ade's Journal Part 6

Ade's Journal Part 6
My Valentine & The Elegance Of A Clean Breakup

Ade's Journal Part 5

Ade's Journal Part 5
My Scrumptious Valentine Kiss

Ade's Journal Part 4

Ade's Journal Part 4
A Scorpion is not a Lobster

Ade's Journal Part 3

Ade's Journal Part 3
My Insane Week Before Valentine

Ade's Journal Part 2

Ade's Journal Part 2
He Had The Guts To Come Back

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Sunday, 11 November 2018

Revive Away And Rediscover


       Flow and float, spin and dip into the cool air and fly by. Yes do, not only now but always. The clear crystal drop I race into, has life in it. I can almost see the fish egg and tadpole swirling and dancing about as if in a natural fish bowl. It is one of the millions of drops falling and rising and going with the wild wind blowing this morning. Beside me, birds dance and Bob their heads into the shower from the sky and I stop and decide this is not such a wonderful idea. It was at first, feeling the cold raindrops in my mouth. But now I am not so sure. I feel strange droplets on my hand and burrowing deep down and diving into my skin, I slap it off and scratch. Inevitably making the situation worse and then my allergies started, I had to stop my skin from swelling. And my eyes from watering and then I run to the shade to stop it all. I start to fall and look at my feet, the ground had sunk in and there was a black hole there. As I fall I try to reach out and grab something, anything.
   I fall hard and start to choke, I shove away the darkness and feel arms grab at me and fight. I definitely will die digging and clawing at my assailant, but the sound d the way he called out my name made me stop.
 To my surprise, I did not sink into oblivion.
'Ade?', it was like a pregnant question.
 I raise both hands so that he lets go of me from behind. That foul lying lips of his, spewing hate and trying to break down the happy person I am. The stupid question he asked me made me cringe, he wanted to know why I was happy. For the twelvth time in less than two hours, I snapped and told him that if he was so unhappy he should stay alone and not try to drag me down with him. I was panting and angry and as I push away these duvet that was making me uncomfortably hot. I turn around and see no one, no Frank.

 The silence that ensues isn't normal and I tried to find out if I was still asleep or wide awake.

 The oxygen in here has depleted to almost zero and I staggered to the windows and open all of the windows. 
I am perspiring as if I have just run a thousand miles, why did this happen?
The dream I mean, why did a nonsignificant ex slip into my dream and haunt me? The answer is simple, the worse part of my life has been thrown in my face by the one set of people I didn't think could raise hell in my life.... My old friends.
 I broke my own rule and reconnected with my former friends. My boundaries were respected, until they weren't. I listened politely to them tell me that it was all my fault. Allowing all my fantasy to get the best of me and then now, it was too late for me.
Too late for what? I ask a little confused and they point at the fact that I am alone, that I attended the reunion alone.
It didn't matter that my husband died in a car accident or that I lost my twin children in that ghastly accident. All that mattered was that when the rest of them were getting married, I chose the wrong path. I chose to chase my carrier and I did hear Nnoye come to my defense and explain that the man that got away. Thier liar in chief friend called Frank was already married.
All that mattered was that I was too picky, too busy analyzing my relationship.
So what should I have done? I ask tossing the fork and knife back into the plate of food I paid for. A really delicious steak I was not going to walk away from because of this my petty former friend.
 You should have married him, had a baby with him and accepted the consequences.

  I shake my head and do not try to mask my disdain for this hypocrite.
And slowly pick up my cutlery and slice into the steak and chew it intensely.
Nnoye was shouting now and I could see people bringing out phones to record the scene. I grab Nnonye and point at my chest, implying that she should calm down.
My answer to this fake friend was simple, since it's too late for me. Why care?
It is people like Eve and Janet Jackson I look up to, strong women that experienced horrible partners in their past life. Women that moved forward a.nd excelled in their career and found powerful men that appreciate and love them.
One is divorced, she points out and I smile.
Missing the point as I expected, I add and move the steak in my plate.
This jobless woman then moved to other men and women at my university reunion table and I watch Nnoye give me a high thumbs up. 
  In a corner, Nnoye runs to my side awkwardly. Because he impractical six inch stilettos are in the way, but it makes me smile at her. She really was the life of the party and then she grabs me again.
This time armed with gist about Kisha, the girl who has had babies with two of our former classmates and married our junior. His own baby was growing inside her and she proudly showed it off. I smile and watch the entire scene I am totally disconnected from.
 A ray of sunshine struts in and makes people raise their phones phones and take pictures, Ajoke looked heavenly in the mint fabric I made into a mini dress for her. The hollow sleeves and neck made me gush and marvel at my own work.
We hug and air kiss and then pose for the selfie I knew she was going to take. Nnoye let us take two and then joined us. Ajoke air kisses her and continues to take pictures.
Ajoke is a breath of fresh air and Nnoye too, even though I don't like to admit it.
But all these others were strangers to me, strangers that were only interested in highlighting my failures and disappointments. Even though they stopped so low, I never did, I just smile at how mean people get when they think k you are happy.
All this outing has proved is one sure thing, that I have obviously outgrown my former friends.

 The thing about a traumatic relationship is that it haunts you and I have fought my my way out of it. Sadly, the spectators will forever try to paint you as a willing victim. Even though they don't have all the fact and don't care about it. My job is to raise my head up and accept that yes, I was once a naive bystander but no more 
   As I stare outside at the darkness outside, I try to breathe easy and think positive thoughts.

 My phone rings and I stare hard at it.....

**"ADE'S JOURNAL", Season 3, Episode 74**

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Adebusola Ukayat Elegbede is a Playwright and Content creator with a passion for real life challenges. Born in Kaduna state and lives in Lagos Nigeria, she has a passion for story telling from the perspectives of characters in conflicting situations. I started out on the New Writing Project in Nigeria with the British Council Lagos Nigeria and The Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square U.K. My passion for creating stories led to comic books, television drama's and an online journal on my website (busolaelegbede.com). As part of the WPIC in Stockholm Sweden 2012, the experience has forged life long friends and ignited my passion as a volunteer and advocate for human rights and the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals.

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